Train of Thoughts

I was talking to my mother recently. During our conversation she mentioned that she heard in a story that Venerable Sariputta was able to count the rain drops one by one when it's raining. The moment I heard this I realised that there was something very profound in what he was able to do that we ought to investigate and extract for ourselves. It wasn't figuring out how we can develop the ability to count rain drops but more importantly how we ought to slow our minds down so we can see truth, in its purest form.

You know how it is with our minds....forget about counting rain drops, most times we can't even remember our previous thought. Our minds run around so fast that we can't see what it thinks, until we see the results of our thinking. For example, some of you might have found that you have said or done things which have not worked out well for you...maybe you hurt someone or maybe you blurted out things that you should not have said or done....but you simply didn't know why you did what you did....sometimes someone else has to point it out to you....sometimes you are taken up by surprise that you actually did or said what you did....why is it that we are not aware of what we do and say?!

It is because we are not aware of what we think!

The root of all of our actions and words is the thought. If we didn't think first and foremost, we could not have said or done what we did and said. But surprise..surprise we don't' remember, or we haven't got a clue most of the time. Isn't that why it always becomes the other persons problem.?!!! Anyway, we are not aware of our thoughts because we simply cannot see them...not because they are not there. Its like the muddy waters...when the water is muddy you cannot see what's in the water....just like that our minds are too busy.....busy doing things, living life as we call it, to notice the thoughts that drive it. We pay little attention to the most important ingredient of our lives. Yet we ask, why things go wrong for us? What do you expect?!! If you bake bread without flour, would you be able to eat bread?

In order to notice our thoughts we need to slow the mind first. Our mind is like a train that has left the station and has gathered lots of speed. You can't see the scenery properly because it moves so fast. So to see things, to read the signs properly you need to first slow down the train. In the same way we need to slow the mind down to understand why we do what we do. To slow the mind down, we need to train the mind to slow down. This is typically done in meditation.

Find a comfortable place to sit, close your eyes, stop thinking about the past or the future, focus on your breath and only on your breath. Watch it without commenting but just feeling the breath. Focus only on the feeling and not how you feel or how you ought to feel. If you do this properly, you will notice that you have nothing to think of, nothing to do and that you are only experiencing the breath. For once in your life you would have felt your breath (unless you have had asthma or experienced drowning).

When you develop this long enough you will also learn to notice your thoughts. I am talking about just noticing the thought and not getting carried away with it like we usually do. When you begin to notice your thoughts without any story telling involved, then you begin to see truth. Truth lies in us....unlike how we've learnt to believe that the 'truth is out there'...we begin to see that it's right within us and within our grasp but first we have to slow down.

Hope all of you will give this a try at some point in your life, earlier the better and easier. Remember the train simile......the older and busier your life gets, it become like the train that has gathered lots of speed...it takes time and hard breaking to slow it down. The world will be a wonderful place for each one of us, if each one of us learnt this. Please note that I said the world will be a wonderful place for each one of us, because, the responsibility of making it wonderful lies within you (not in your partner, parents, best friend, your pet or the Buddha) as well as the experience of it.

A Neverending Story

I like watching Grey's Anatomy. It's a weekly drama, quite like ER. In the previous week's episode Callie and Arizona (two doctors who are also dating each other) were patting themselves on their backs for being the stable couple in the hospital. Within minutes of this Callie realised that Arizona doesn't share her dreams of having a large family. Yesterday I was looking ahead at what's next and realised that the two of them will continue to have their differences.

While it made me laugh it also made me realise that for the story to continue there has to be some drama. Don't you find in any sope opera or TV drama no one ever is happy....the moment they think they are happy, a twist of fate happens and all their dreams are shattered giving the viewers some excitement, hopefulness, despair, happiness, sadness or a mixture of all and the producers more juice to build up more story.

More than the realisation of what happens on TV, was what I realised about our lives. Frankly our lives are no more dissimilar to those dramas that are shown on TV. Maybe a little less or more drama in some lives, but drama nevertheless! Why? For just like in TV shows drama is needed for the story to continue, so do we need the dramas of life for our own lives to continue. Our life simply unfolds in a series of events unlike each new episode of a drama.

We have drama in life because we cannot be content. In fact I believe we are scared of contentment! When you are content, there is almost nothing you need to do. Because you are happy with the way things are. But rarely do we find such moment, and unfortunately some people don't even know how to find such moments and those other find such moment only think that things need to change or improve. When one is discontent it brings with it the need to do something to get out of discontentment but no matter you do you are left feeling dissatisfied.

Look at yourself openly and honestly these are some ways we create drama in our lives...

Let's say you get the dream job you want....next minute you will wondering about the long hours you have to put in or the amount of responsibility you have to shoulder or the lack of money to compensate for the amount of work you do....then you have something new to worry and plan about. Let's say your relationship is going along smoothly then you find what is missing in it....it becomes "if we had this we can improve our relationship".....more work, more planning, more things to do....let's say you have a house....well the issue would be it's not as big as your friends or you have to worry about cleaning it regularly....let's you have a child...well it's a boy and not a girl (or vice versa) or you can't save anymore because child care is expensive or it's "Oh my god, I don't have the freedom I used to have anymore"...let's say you go on a vacation...well the room was not big enough, the meals did not have much variety...so the list can go on and on.....

Basically we need some issue, some drama for the next thing to unfold. If in all the above situations we were perfectly content...let's say you got your dream job and you are perfectly, one hundred percent content...what drama is there in it? So you are asked to work long hours and you are happy to put that in because it's your dream job what issues? Let's say your relationship is going smoothly, let it flow smoothly for heaven's sake...why want to add, chop or whatever? Let's say you got the house and if you are content with it, would it make a difference as to what your friends say?

This is the way our mind works. It is the way our ego gets the chance to be asserted. For if our ego is not asserted, we cease to exists. If we are content with whatever that goes on in life, there is very little the ego needs to do or can do. Basically it is in the doing that our ego is asserted. It's our ego (the sense of self) that points out..."hey the friends don't think my house is big enough so I need to have a bigger house". It's the ego that cries "hey I don't want to put long hours because I don't have time for this and that"...it's the ego that thinks "well it's not possible for my relationship to go so smoothly something is missing or something is going on or we can do better"....

So through all that we do in life we try to satisfy our own egos. But the fact that there is no permanent ego. We believe there is one because it feels real...but so do mirages!!! Like everything there is our ego too is subject to change because its impermanent...so if we live our lives trying to satisfy our egos we will live life always moving from one episode to another never having a moments rest...but all the while there is that promise that if you do the next thing you will finally find happiness........it's like the mirage. You run towards the water only to find that the water has once more moved beyond your reach...so you continue to run hoping that with the next few metres you will for sure get the water...but you run until you drop dead.

Why do we do this or most importantly why the hell can't we see what we do? Some people do see it but are unable to resits the thirst....they just cannot help but move through the episodes and dramas of life while knowing that it doesn't make sense. Some people are totally unaware...they are like the deer chasing the mirage with total conviction that if I run the next mile I will get water...and they run until they die (literally).

So the question is who are you and what do you want to be?

No Judging

Last week I was teaching my Dhamma students about the four Divine Abodes. It is one of my favourite subjects and gives me a lot of joy to talk about it as well as to develop them as qualities in my mind. The four Divine Abodes, for those who are not aware of them, are: Metta (Loving-kindness), Karuna (Compassion), Muditha (Sympathetic Joy) and Uppeka (Equanimity).

During the class, one of the students said in response to something I was saying,...."Aren't these qualities like making judgements?'. At that time I gave a reply to her, which as I was saying, I knew something was missing in my answer. So I parked the question in my mind. About an hour later once the class was done, unfortunately, I realised what the answer was. These qualities are not judgements......it's basically the lack of judgements. Developing these qualities make your mind open to all experiences without the involvement and the complications associated with judging.

Think about it.....we live a life full of judgements...be it about the weather, next door neighbours, physical appearance of ourselves and others, jobs, our partners, children, friends, how we feel on a day to day basis to basically anything you can think of. We make judgements on everything! Rarely do we not judge and to most of you who are reading this the question that would arise in the mind is "How can we live life if there is judging?". However, it is in the none judging that we can experience things as they are and it is in only that we can live a full life. Goes against common sense doesn't it?

For if were to judge, the experience we receive is conditioned upon the judging.....for example if I think I feel a bit moody today, then my experiences from that time onwards will be through my lense of "I am moody". If I think that my co-worker's manner of speaking is rude, then I look at her and what she says, through the lense of "rudeness". So my experience is already diluted...think about it. What you think, is what you will experience. It's a bit mind-boggling because it puts enormous responsiblity on our shoulders. Because, essentially what I am saying here is that you make your own experiences and that it is not because of someone or something external to us...and that is very hard to digest even for me at times....but this is true and if we come to realise it and come to terms with it, it will make our lives so much easier and lighter.

When one develops the divine abodes one learns to experience things without judgement. Though it might sound absurd to think one could live without judgements, it is in that none judging one becomes free from the negative and positive experiences that come along with judging. Maybe I am losing you or have lost you by now already but hopefully you will stop to do some contemplation on what I said.

How do these qualities teache us to just experience things as they are? Let's take compassion and a related situation as an example......let's say your friend has broken up with his or her partner and feeling sad....compassion is the quality of the heart that makes you understand where a person is coming from rather than thinking why or why not one should feel the way they do. The moment we make that judgment of you should or should not feel a particular way or it should or should not have happened, everything you see and do gets filtered through that judgement. So you are unable to be compassionate anymore because you have already made a judgement. So you are not responding in totality. Response is conditioned upon your judgement. This is why many dissapointments and misunderstandings in life occur. We don't experience things as they are but rather we experiencec them through our judgments of them. This applies not only to our interactions with others but most importantly to interactions with ourselves.

This is why a lot of people in this world are restless, unhappy, sad and depressed. We are never content with ourselves. We always judge ourselves. Be it the way we look, things we have and not have, how we feel....we judge. When we judge our minds move in either the positive direction or the negative direction. It is never at it's equilibrium. When the mind moves we experience the negative and the positive. Of course when it is the positive we like it but when it is the negative we don't. But even the positive does not last long does it? Has anyone of you ever had a positive experience which lasted for months, years etc....the answe is "NO' becasue these experiences cannot and will not stay permanent. So you go on in life bobbing up and down like a yo-yo....and how frustrating that is.

When and if you develop the divine abodes the mind learns not to move. Of course this takes a lot of time...maybe for some it may not but usually it takes a lot of time and patience. But gradually the mind reduces the level of bobbing....and with that you come to experience a happiness that lasts much longer than a normal positive experience. It's a happiness not born out of an external stimuli but rather an internal response which has nothing to do with what's going around us. It's a happiness born out of knowing that no matter what, I can find my equilibrium....no matter what I can get my yo-yo to come to a rest, at least for a while.

It's a wonderful feeling to be able to do that. In it lies a lot of freedom; freedom from both elation (the positive) and disappointment (the negative). This does not mean that you become like a robot and not feel anything. In fact it's the very opposite....you become aware, fully conscious of the experiences but you are not moved by it because there is no judging involved. The feeling is incredible....I can only ask you to test this out for yourself.

Be patient and courageous. Have faith in the Buddha and Dhamma to guide you instead of you taking control. You may experience doubt, fear and even a sense of losing control...questions like "How can I?", "Why should I?", "To what purpose?" might enter your mind. That is why one needs a lot of courage and faith in the Dhamma. Faith is not blind belief but the conviction that arises out of your own experiences of the Dhamma. For that you need patience. Dhamma takes time to blossom in your heart...it's a life long process and not something to be achieved so that you can get on with life....it's a slow, gradual process to be unfolded.

So put forth effort from this day on to find that Dhamma in your heart. It's something worth putting all the effort and time you can find.....because it's the surest thing in the world that would give you peace and contentment!

Who are "Noble" Friends?

Thera Ananda once said to Lord Buddha, "Lord, a good and noble friend is part of the spiritual path", to which the Buddha replied, "No Ananda, a good and noble friend is the entire spiritual path".

Now those of you reading might think, "Hey I'm not following a spiritual path and neither am I interested...so this is not for me"....well wrong thinking. Whether you follow a spiritual path or not "Noble" friends are a very important aspect of life. Someone of you might think "Well I think I have plenty of good friends...so I am one of those few lucky people", well in that case read on...so you may admire the wonderful qualities of your 'already acquired' good friends.

We live in a world full of relationships be it a relationship between parents, siblings, spouses, relatives, friends, enemies or anyone we come to associate with. Each relationship has an influence on us whether we like to believe it or not or accept it or not. Also each relationship influences us in a positive way, negative way or typically do a bit of both. So it is essential for us to understand who influences us and in which way and whether that influence would make you a better person or not. Ultimately no one is going to hold our hand and take responsibility for our lives....you may have plenty of friends who sit by you, hold you, cry for you or do whatever but we are responsible for how we live our lives and who we become as humans. So it's important for us to understand with wisdom how to make distinctions....distinctions not to put others down, not to make ourselves feel good but make distinctions because they help us to become better people than we were yesterday.

So we need to recognise who "Noble" friends are. Let's look at what a "Noble' friend is not. A noble friend is not necessarily a person who will spend hours shopping with you, talking with you, watching TV, movies, playing video games, who tells you how slim you look even if you are not. You know sometime you have friends who talk to your face as your best mate but the moment your back is turned they tell stories about you, or talk about you; then there are those who are good with you as long as you are good to them; the others are happy to share your sad moment but when you are happy or having success in life they just cannot live it down; then there are those whom you reach for help but because of their advise you fall into bigger trouble; then there are those who encourage you to do wrong things...such as taking you to the pub when you having trouble. The list can go on....

Some of the things that I mentioned are very obvious but some come with very subtle things that start off as a snowflake that later turn into a snowball and then into an avalanche...so you need to be able to discriminate. Discriminate not because you don't like their face, or their family or what they do but because you see them for who they are irrespective of your personal likes and dislikes. Now I don't mean to make people look like monsters..sometime people don't intend to intentionally put you into trouble or talk about you undauntedly. They just do it because that's who they are. Sometimes not knowing what you do and what your actions and words can cause others is a far dangerous thing....so you need to know and be aware. It's like being in a jungle....you need to have a compass, you need to know that there could be wild beasts and that you cannot leave it up to the jungle to protect you, because if you did you can get lost and be destroyed.

A noble friend is not like that at all.

Quite frankly a noble friend is someone who is able to guide you in the right direction when you find yourself lost in life. A noble friend is someone who will be able to tell you that you are lost to begin with and show you the way out. A noble friend will always have your back and take good care of you. Sometimes you meet people who tell you things that you don't like to hear, but you know in your heart you know it to be true and that in the long run if you did as you are told things will become easier for you. Such are characteristics of noble friends. Noble friends also help you without expecting anything in return. They do things for you because it needs to be done and because it's the right thing to do and that by doing it your life is going to get better.

It's difficult to find noble friends these days, at least that's my experience. Also some of you might find it difficult to be with a noble friend. I use the simile of water and oil to explain this...they just don't mix. But the few I have found have made my life so much better; they have opened up my eyes and given me new perspectives that have helped me to have a broader outlook on life. They have also helped me to look at myself honestly and openly above all which has given my life a lot of meaning and substance.

So I hope all of you will strive to find noble friends and also in return be noble friends to others.

Curious about curiosity

Recently I started teaching at the Sunday Dhamma School at the Calgary Buddhist Temple. I was a little bit reluctant to take on the invitation to teach, since I had never taught children before. Plus I was not sure whether I would be able to relate to them and make them understand the Dhamma as I knew it. Anyway, throwing caution to the wind, I decided to take it up. It's been about a month siince I started and I must admidt that those 10 year old children have been wonderful guides in my teaching career.

The one thing that took me by surprise was their level of curiosity. I did not think children as 10 years of age would be, of all things, curious to know about the Dhamma. But I guess they do not see it as Dhamma. They see it as just another topic for them to know, understand, be curious about and fun with. I find it very refreshing. They are never shy or hesitant to ask questions and all kinds of questions. Wonderful perspectives, inviting more questions. I find with each class I take, that my knowledge of the Dhamma increases just becasue I need to be able to keep up with their questions.

After being a Human Resources Professional for about 8 years and using most of my career for training, development and coaching of adults, I find that children have a sense of curiosity unparrelleld to most adults. It made me wonder why?

One reason could be because they have an open mind undiluted by years of what we call "experience". Hence, they tend to absorb things fast and because they have little previous training they have little to match against what is being taught. So, things stick easily. Becasue they know little, they also tend to ask questions to learn more, grasp more. I guess in some ways they are building their 'future templates'.

This is greatly helped by the fact that they have very little ego. Ego is having a sense of who we are. The bigger the ego the bigger the sense of who I am. If one has a big ego, then one is less likely to learn because learnig is taking on new and different perspectives, new ideas, and unlearning and relearning what you already know. So a person with a big sense of ego, will not find it easy to learn new things, becasue that means they have to put their ego aside, at least for a while. Putting the ego aside means letting go of your sense of self worth for a while. For adults this is a very difficult exercise. That's why some people go through the same problems and issues in life over and over again without changing their way of approaching that issue. Also as adults we need to worry about how well our ego looks and matches up aginst the rest of the world. So asking a question, basically showing that you may not know the answer is a tough one. So many adults pretend to know, understand rather than ask questions. Isn't that why there are so many misunderstanding in the adult world?!!! Or isn't that why sometimes when an adult is given instructions, despite showing full comprehension, they go do something totally different to what was told?!

Children, in my opinion, have very little ego. So they are not scared to ask questions. They are not scared to voice an opinion and certainley not scared of learning something new without questioning why they ought to learn it or the validity of what is being taught. I find that very refreshing.

I wish that most adults would cultivate that level of curiosity in themselves and their children. Of course I don't mean the curiosity to know what your neighbour is up to, or what everyone else did during the weekends or who is wearing what and the list goes on. This kind of curosity is actually a way of building up your ego. Are you curious about others because you want to talk nice things about them? More often than not we are curious about things and others becasue we want to make ourselves look good compared to others. Or becasue we are jealous. "Oh they have an increadible wardrobe, a great body, I wish I had that"....and so on.

The kind of curiosity I'm talking about is the kind that helps you to learn something new that would add value to your life. It's the kind of curiosity that would help you to gain a fresh perspective, a change in direction in life and a way to solve a problem that you may have struggled with over and over. It's the kind of curiosity that would help you to see the truth, no matter how difficult that truth may be. Basically, it's the kind of curiosity, if developed, that can make you a better person.

A New Year Thought

Another year is about to end and a new one about to start. Every year we make what we call the 'New Year Resolutions' and more often than not, we get to the end of the year to realise that we have not been mindful about the resolutions that we made at the beginning of the year. So we make 'New' new year resolutions and again we forget them or we get too busy and caught up in living the year to remember the resolutions and act on them. So we get to another end of a year and so start the same cycle all over again.

I find that ending of one year and the start of a new year is like dying and being reborn. We start with a bang (typically a loud cry) and then die wondering how time has flown in the blink of an eye. Lots of regret, what ifs, things left undone and unsaid, unfinished business...Then we die and are reborn and we do the same thing all over. The most important part, which is in the middle of being born and dying, is left a blur; just like some of us left wondering how 365 days flew by us (of course some prefer to drown themselves in alcohol and other stuff just to avoid the question) and that somehow time has passed by us yet again.

Why should we wait until we get to the end of our lives to reflect on 'Life'? Please know that the 'end of our lives' can happen at any moment and that we need not wait for 50 years or 70 years or 100 years. Right now maybe the time that we die and if we were to die has the time that we've lived been meaningful to ourselves and others? So the question is how do we make ourselves meaningful to ourselves and others? Yes I do mean when I say 'ourselves'. It's imperative that we create meaning within ourselves because without that, it's almost impossible to give to others. It's like having a bank account with no money. How can you withdraw money for others when even you cannot for your own needs?

Making life meaningful for ourselves is much easier than we think. But we make it complicated because we try to give it meaning through things that don't hold much meaning. Many strive to give meaning to their lives through their jobs, having material possessions like a house, car and lots of stocks, others in their children, in having the most relaxing vacation and the list goes on...but does this really give meaning to your life? Maybe temporarily but not forever. This is the reason why many people live life moving from one to another be it a job, a relationship, a house or whatever. Trying but always failing.

The things that give life real meaning are unconditional love, kindness, kind words, gentleness, patience, a warm smile, a helping hand, acceptance, giving without asking anything in return, a sense of appreciation for all things good or bad, not holding on to grudges, not hating, not being jealous, forgiving and many more. You will find that when you have truly forgiven someone, you feel a sense of ease, less burden, less worry, less fear unlike when you hate or even dislike someone. When you hate or dislike someone you feel a burden, a sense of needing to justify your reasons for disliking that person, your blood start to boil and heart start to pound every time you think of them or see them, you become bothered. So, do you want to burden yourself or unburden yourself?

Now that you have given meaning to yourself, how do you get about giving meaning to others lives? Simply by cultivating above qualities. For example, if you are a boss and you cultivate kindness, patience and appreciation you will most likely find that your people respond to you in a similar fashion and that they are much happier workers and thus more productive. If you are a parent and you learn to accept your child for what he/she is rather than trying to mold them into what you want them to be, you may find that they become less stubborn. If you are a wife or husband and you practice forgiveness and unconditional love you may find that your relationship becomes smooth and caring. Have you noticed that others smile at you when you smile at them? Isn't it hard to hate someone who is 'Nice and Kind' compared to someone who is angry and someone who makes your life miserable? So be the Nice, Kind and Smiley person and NOT the angry, miserable person.

Have a peaceful and meaningful year 2010!

Strengthening the Mind

From the moment we are born we are taught to be strong-minded, strong-willed, assertive and whatever other words you can think of. Basically we are taught to have and build a sense of who we are, what we are and what we believe and stand up for it and defend it. So we grow up in the world with an unbendable mind and an unbendable will. If we bend it, if we mellow it long enough to listen to another's view points, to understand where the other person is coming from, to show kindness, empathy, forgive we are almost considered, especially in the Western World, to be weak. So, most people walk around and act as if they are God's gift to mankind, not knowing that they leave a path of hurt, hate, jealousy, mistrust, insecurity in those who they encounter. But most importantly they also walk on not knowing that the reason they leave behind such a destructive legacy is because that is all they have 'in' them to offer to the world.

If by becoming strong minded we are hurting others and losing our sense of goodness and creating havoc in our relationships and in the lives of those who are around us, then we owe it to ourselves to investigate why things don't work out and how we can look for way out of the mess. One has to question what this 'strengthening the mind' is all about?

Strengthening the mind, in the world that we live in, is basically a building up a sense of self and ego. All that we do from describing who we are, to what we are to, what we do to, what we believe in, builds up our sense of self. An identity; a uniqueness; a 'ME' niche in the world. A little 'ME' country so to speak. So, when that 'ME' is under attack by way of different views from other people, hurtful words and actions from others, maybe unexpected events we spring to defend it with all of our might. Because if we don't, we have the potential to lose the 'ME' which is a very scary idea. This brings about all the unwholesome behaviours and it can vary from fighting to depression. All because we believe that this is the way to be strong.

Ironically this is NOT the way to get about strengthening our minds. In fact, what strengthens our minds is the very opposite of what has been taught to us and that is to lessen that grip on the sense of a self; put breaks on for what constitutes a sense of self. Now some might argue that this is not easy to do in lay life and that there are better things in life to do which is a lot more fun and that it's too much of a lofty goal to be wasting our time. Well I do agree that it's a lofty goal and that we may not get there right away but even an inch of a progress we make towards letting go of that sense of self will make our lives a whole lot easier and happier.

So how do we start letting go of our sense of self?

First of all we must see and learn to appreciate the universality of our experiences. All of us think that life happens to us only. Haven't you noticed that when you are ill, you are in such pain but when someone else is you don't feel it. Appreciating universality is recognising that the pain that you feel when you are ill, is similar to that of another being. Sickness is sickness whether it is you or someone else. Some people go shooting for fun; I wonder how they would feel if they became the hunted. If for a moment we thought about that, would we go shooting?

When we recognise that things are universal, we develop compassion, loving-kindness towards others and how we make others feel. We become more sensitive; we become more conscious of our own actions and words.

Do you notice when someone hurts us, how we go all out to make that person look bad: "Oh she is a horrid person; he always says sarcastic comments; she is always looking for a fight". Recognising the universality of our experiences is knowing that there is that possibility that someday I might do the same to someone else. After all we not arahants!! It's being humble rather than riding the high horse and saying "Oh I will not do such things". Somewhere I heard or read that "the abused become the abuser". When we recognise that we have the capacity to do what the other person has done then we reduce our uniqueness and with that our sense of self because we appreciate that we, in some ways, are alike.

The other thing that helps to lessen the grip of self, is to see the impermanence of things. Have you noticed that sometimes no matter how hard you try and how well you do things, life just doesn't turn out the way you want? Sometimes you work so well at your job and the next moment you are laid off. Sometimes people put every ounce of their lives to bringing up their children well and they die or they become what you didn't expect them to become. Sometimes you eat and exercise well to find that you have terminal cancer. If life was so under our control, our will, then why does it go wrong? Because that is the very nature of life. It's unpredictable, it's impermanent. One minute your are laughing and next minute crying. One minute partying and next minute dropping dead. When one recognises impermanence one realises "Oh well no need for so much control". It does not mean you becoming lazy or just waiting for things to drop from the skies. But it is knowing while you attend to your duties whole-heartedly, that life can happen to you any moment so that you don't become a control freak and make life difficult for yourself and others.

If we can do a little bit of this with great patience you might actually feel that at times a heavy weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. You may also notice that at times you maintain your calm despite things going all wrong around you. Please note that calmness doesn't mean indifference! It's very easy to get into this rut where you become oblivious to things because you are indifferent and think that you have gained some spiritual development (believe me it's not). When I say clam, I mean calmness borne out of kindness, compassion and gentleness.

So try letting go of yourself once in a while!

With Metta