Recently I was talking with my husband about some of the people that I have come to know through work. Well basically I was complaining that people seem so obsessed with themselves and what they know that they don't time or don't care about the fact that when they talk with another person, that a conversation is a two way thing. It's almost as if you want to be heard you need to jump in at whatever little opportunity you get otherwise people seem to be waiting to tell their story. Of course that means little listening is going on.
It really bothered me. So, I was telling this to my husband and he said that that was the way things are for the most part. I was wondering why and we of course thrashed ideas back and forth. Then I sank in my own contemplation for a while when my husband said, "well you don't even know that after a conversation that other people have created work for you". Meaning the fact that I was bothered and a bit angered about whole situation. I was wondering how do people create work me without my even knowing.
Then I realised how. It's because of my own view and opinions. I have views about how people should be, and should not be, or how they should talk and should not talk and millions such things. When people act differently to them, I am flustered. If they lived perfectly according to my views and opinions of course I will not be bothered or angered would I? Well that means there is a greater chance that I would get bothered by what people say.
So what should I do? Should I get rid of my views and opinions? Ideally. But that comes hard. It took me years to change my views on some of the things that happen in a marriage (I mean positive things). And this was a case where I could talk with someone and the other person also was willing to change. But the world is not going to be so open minded and welcoming. So I will always have to be at the receiving end. Then what should I do? I hold my views and opinions as important. Of course they are important. If I didn't have them and that would be as if I lived as nothing and nobody and no principles. So where is that balance?
Perhaps I should have views and opinions but not let that define me or hold them so protectively. Less attachment. If that were the case then I could move with differing views and opinions with much more ease. Almost like invisible lines. You can cross them as and when you please. Is that OK? If you do that what would happen to me? I becomes such a wishy washy person? What about things like honesty and integrity?
Still I am a bit confused? Perhaps I live leave it open for me to come back. Not hold an opinion for now. Go with the flow of my own changing views and see where it would take me in the future.
