Adaptation of a "Single Story"

Recently I listened to a talk by a Nigerian woman on diversity called a "Single Story". In essence it was how we think of a country, a race or a group people based on a single story we hear about, experience etc. This she says is what lead to discrimination. Her talk was based on a collection of stories from her own experiences of how she herself discriminated and judged other based on a single story and how she experienced discrimination and judgement from others based on a single story.

When I listened to talk, it revealed more that the issue of diversity. For me it revealed many aspects of humanity itself. Our prejudices, our attitudes, our insensitivity's, inability forgive one another was all there in this one little talk. It was beautiful to listen to. So, I wanted to write a blog expanding and adding my thoughts on how we all from time to time get caught up in 'Single Stories" and how we ought to get out of them.

Think about it, the moment we like someone, we are caught up in a single story. We like/love someone because of something wonderful in them or something wonderful they did to us or because they are known to us. Now just because of that does it make this person a wonderful person? It's like a serial killer isn't it? They have a family and they love their children and wife or whoever in their lives but they go on other people's loved ones. But if you ask their wife and children, their would probably say "Oh my dad is a wonderful person": we are caught up in a single story.

In the same way, think of a person you hate, dislike. They may have done you wrong or your loved ones some wrong. But that alone doesn't make that person a bad person. In the world how many of us pass negative judgement on others, based on a story we hear from our friends, or an experienced had by a loved one?! Again we are caught up in a single story.

Some people, life itself becomes a single story. Death of a loved one, death of a child, the fact that they were raped or molested as a child becomes who they are that all other experiences in life fades away to leave them with the horror, anger, hatred of one experience they had for maybe only minutes in their lives. Isn't that sad?

The Buddha was so wise to point this out many centuries ago. He said that we should see things for what they are and not according to what we want them to be. We see things through prisms of Desire, Aversion and Delusion. The moment we wear these lenses we don't see the total picture. But we wear them anyway. We always carry these lenses with us and take them out at any given point of time when we encounter an object through any one of the senses (sight, sound, smell, taste, touch and thinking).

But we never see that we put on these lenses. We are so used to wearing them all the time. It's like putting on sunglasses the moment the sun is out. The moment we encounter an object we put the lenses on usually the first two are in combination with the lens of Delusion. Then all is distorted. Anything that follows the contact, any thinking, speaking, acting is just simply wrong. Because it stems from a mis informed source.

So the Buddha said to investigate: to never to take things for what they are. Always to look and see until you see the same from many angles. This increases your chances of getting the story at least partially correct. If you are lucky you may get all the angles and see it properly. It's like taking a flight and climbing to greater heights. The big overwhelming tree suddenly becomes small and you also see that there is a river close by. So things are not that bad. But you have to get a bigger and better view.

It's hard to do this. To remove yourself from a single story to making a larger story or a story with many angles. Because sometimes, we begin to see things that we don't necessarily want to see. Sometimes we want the story to unfold in a certain way but as we start investigating we start seeing things we don't like. This makes us uncomfortable. Well, this is the beauty of the Buddha's teachings. He said that we should always bend our knowledge and our understanding to our direct experiences. Not the other way about. So truth take precedence even if we have to drop all of our pre-formed knowledge, even at the expense of great discomfort.

I loved this talk, not only because she spoke with great clarity, openness, insight, but because the talk contained many aspects of humanity which she did not explore. It also, for me, contained many aspects of the teachings of Buddha that I have come to cherish and that I try to apply into my life.

On Being Busy!

The last few weeks I have contemplated on being busy. Personally I am not a very busy person. This was a conscious decision few years ago when I realised that there was more to life that just running the rat race that we all run. There was something more that we need time for. With that I decided to cut down on things in my life. It didn't come hard for me but those around me it came as a shock. For some it was rather unpleasant and other it was something of a socially deviant thing that I was doing. But by this time I had subject myself to doing things according societal norms but none had brought me the promised 'satisfactions', so I was going to listen to myself. I always had good instincts but sometime despite those, was too adamant when my instincts told me to go in a direction which would not have brought much approval from the rest of the world. But finally I was willing to give it a try.

So now I have much time to meditate and reflect and contemplate. I find that it had made me much stronger over the years. I am less moved by what goes around me, the opinions, praise and blame of others. I find that I have a house and a safe place inside me that I can walk into anytime and in that I am always welcome and loved and cherished and that I can find peace, quiet and even moments of bliss and happiness in the midst of darkness outside. I am truly grateful for that.

So, now I have looked outside of my life the last few weeks. For I have encountered the word "busy" many times from many people from around me. I find it rather interesting that we all like being busy. Being busy gives us something to do, to occupy ourselves with and our time with. With that we no longer feel alone, bored, unworthy, left to our own devices, unloved and without meaning in their lives. So we like being busy. It's funny that people don't know 'WHY' they get busy in the first place. I think if they only did they probably will not get busy as much as they do.

I met people who work because they want to be busy, they study because they want to keep busy, they want to look after their grandchildren because they want to be busy, some want to have children because they want to be busy....but I don't think they do these things because they want to be 'busy' but because they want to be loved, find meaning, feel worthy, feel that they belong to someone, or something.....either way we all have this burning desire to feel part of something. Why?

Because our 'EGO' cannot stand on its own. We are in essence are very weak. I understand this because I have investigate this within myself. The need to be. We need to get occupied with things sometimes anything because we want to belong. We need to be part of something. So we do things in a very selfish way. This is why people get disappointed. When other don't meet your expectations, when other let you down or criticize you or whatever, we feel resentment or disappointment because we do things out of selfish desire. If we did things for the sake of doing, then none of these self centered needs will arise.

So, in order to free our EGO, to make ourselves stand on our own we need to first and foremost see ourselves very clearly. We need to put ourselves in the microscope. But the nature of the beast is that when we are so busy doing things and running around like a chicken with its head cut off, there is not a moment to breath or a moment of rest to put ourselves under the microscope or even take a peak through that lens, and even if we do both, there isn't the time to understand and process what we just saw. So, we keep on rolling with the punches, as they say until the last punch throws us right into the coffin. But what use will that do to us?!! This is my biggest questions.

I mean we live life, and other live life trying so hard to make a "life for themselves" so they say. They all say that. They do a job, buy a house, a car, raise a family do many more things to "make or build a life for themselves" but they don't take the time for themselves and they are in the centre of the drama: they are the main character of the play. When the main character of the play is weak and doesn't know the lines, can that play or movie or drama be a successful play/drama or movie?! NO! So why? Why all this hullabaloo to run around and do so much and get busy when you are the one who is being run down to the ground?! Why not take the time and treat as if you were the main character of your own movie for goodness sake?

But I doubt people will ever see it like that. If I tell it the way I said it above, they will say that I am being selfish. But really ask yourselves am I being selfish or am I asking you to be realistic?

What is also ironic is the world is so programmed to think busy and reward busy. A person who is not busy (now I don't mean someone who is lazy and sleeps all day and is like a couch potato) in people's eyes should be a monastic or should be living in a temple. But these days even the priests are too busy! The world presses and oppresses if someone takes that time to contemplate and to meditate and live that quiet life. It's hard to have that choice that almost as if you are being discriminated for wanting that. Isn't that ironic.

My wish for myself above all is that I would find more moments of quietness and time of reflection as I continue this life. Whatever the future may hold, I value the moments of reflection greatly. They are a source of strength and great understanding. No books or degree has ever given me the kind of understanding and strength that has some about through meditation and contemplation of Dhamma. I am truly grateful to the Buddha for that. My wish for anyone else is that they in their hearts would know this truth as well. All we do, be it great or small, comes to and end someday, and there is nothing we take with us except the time that we have spent with ourselves in those quiet times. If we haven't done that, then we have wasted a precious life we have received and death would be in vain.