As water flows so does everything

I have had a love, hate relationship with water for many years. I could not swim and this was a major reason. But I still cannot swim but I am not scared of water as much as I used be. So, over the past 4 years I have become less paralysed by water so that I could enjoy water activities like getting into a pool, kayaking, canoeing and I recently went whitewater rafting.

Water has taught me great many lessons about life apart from over coming my paralysing fear of it.

Water has a natural quality of flowing. It flows through everything. Even through hard rocks. I remember walking through some tunnels in Jasper, Alberta carved by water. The water no long flows through them but they certainely used to. It also has a way of finding it's way. I remember reading that water stopped flowing because of some geological changes and that after a while it carved out a new way for it to flow. So now it has a new direction to flow. Probably, many years later, if that avenue closes it door, water will find another direction. It never stops flowing. I find that a lovely quality. Our life is the same. It too flows, just like water. It has to flow, otherwise we fail in our own growth.

But in that journey, it encounters obstacles, some hard and others easy. Through it all life must find a way. It can find a way. It's ironic that I find myself getting bogged down with difficulties in life and sometimes attached to plesant things. If my life is like water I need to cultivate the ability walk past both because getting bogged down and getting attached are both hazards. They will both hinder my natural flow of life.

Another quality I see in water is it's state of balance. I don't know much science behind water currents and waves and etc. But this time when we went whitewater rafting, I realised that one can to some degree work with the flows and currents of water to guide the raft through. While the water looks out of control and scary, there seem to be some patters to it that if one know how to, can guide through it. I think, this quite similar to life. As Ajhan Brahm says, life is out of control so relax and enjoy the ride. I believe him to be correct now after my own experieces of it. I think we try to control and manouver life too much instead of flowing with it's tides, it's currents and patters. It has it's own ways and we need to work with it's patters to stay afloat. Most of us forget that and that I believe is the reason why we stress out so much, get in to problems unnecessarily. We just need to relax and join in the ride!

I also find disturbances in water whether they are as huge as tsunamis or as small as ripples are also interesting teachers. I think ripples are like our normal day-to-day emotions-both negative and positive. Ripples happen when the water is disturbed by an object. Just like ripples, when the mind encounters an object, it creates a wave in the positive or the negative direction. Ripples don't last forever. They arise and they gradually lose it's intensity and die. So do our emotions be they positive or negative. But we mess around with these naturally arising emotions. We hold on to our emotions by wanting more of it or wanting less of it. It's like the water not letting go of a ripples. What a mess that would be?! So, we essentially create a mess in ourselves. Instead trying to grab hold of our emotions or get rid of our emotions, we must simpley let them arise and let them cease just like ripples. How peaceful life would be if only we learnt to do that.

A tsunamis of emotions?! Well that's a hard one. Well I guess that's when people hurt themselves and others in very harmful ways.

You know how if water gathers in one place, it creates breeding grounds for mosquitoes and usually harmful things for humans. Well, I see life in the same way. When we hold our life, by way of not forgiving, not letting go, trying to control, I see that we essentially block our flow of life and make it a breeding ground for basically greed, hatred and delusion.

Water is pure and can benefit all. So can life if used well. Water has taught me many lessons. While there are many to share, I shall leave the rest for those who read to fill. I think I have become less scared of water partly because I see how much it's connected to life.

The most important relationship to cultivate

On our way from our vacation in July 2011, my husband and I were talking about our relationship. How I got to this point I don't remember, but I started saying to him that one ought to cultivate a strong relationship with oneself. He rebutted saying that it's just a conventional saying and that there cannot be a relationship with oneself because a relationship by definition has to be between two people. Well, what follows and more is what's in this blog.

The convention really is that we think that a relationship is between two people. Perhaps the definitions state that relationships have to be between two people. I don't know because I haven't looked up the definition. But I know that it's possible to have a relationship with oneself. Because I have one. Over the past few years I have actively cultivated and developed and nourished that relationship that I feel a sense of comfort in "my own skin" so to speak. This is what I started to talk to my husband about. I don't think he understood me, or so where I was coming from because he decided to get distracted by some police cop following him. So I shut up half way through the conversation and then the police cop suddenly stopped following him.

Anyway, back to my blog. Yes, it is possible and one must cultivate a relationship with oneself. It's like having a constant companion, a best friend. It's no different to establishing a friendship. But unlike a friend, who is outside of yourself, who will always change, go away, and do all the things that you might not want them to, if you cultivate a relationship with yourself, I have found that, that friendship is most likely to be at your side almost all of the time. There is that guarantee that wherever you go, you carry yourself with you. Whatever you do, you are always with you. You don't have to wait, you don't have to call someone up, there is no hoping or waiting, it's always there. But you must cultivate yourself to be by your side the way you want it to be.

For example, a few years ago, when I would feel sad, I would simply feel sad. I would cry, feel depressed. I needed someone else to make me feel good. I needed something else to get me out of my unhappiness. Now after a few years of cultivating a friendship with myself, I find that during times of unhappiness, sadness, there is a sense of comfort that I can find within myself. I can feel strong on my own.

A few years ago, when I would get angry, I would simply be over come with anger. It was like a tornado ripping through my heart, mind and body. Such devastation. Now, when I feel anger, I can feel a sense of calm slowly coming into myself. A quiet voice, a softening of the winds that rip through my mind, heart and body. Then a gradual lessening of a heat and then a peace as if someone has stroked and taken the storms away.

When I am confused, I used to stay in my confusion not knowing what to do. I could not feel energy, sometimes for days. But now, when I feel confusion, there is a sense that someone is at work with gusto. A relishing of the confusion because there is a knowing that this is a great working ground from which much can be learnt from and much growth can be achieved. It's like a good, kind and wise friend who guides you through a complex math problem or a life issue and you take comfort and assurance that you are going to come out alright and safe and that you are going to find the solutions.

In the same way, when I used to make mistakes, I used to be hard on myself...in fact I don't think I saw myself as being able to make mistakes in the first place. I always saw myself to be perfect and so capable. But now I am so comfortable in just being who I am. I don't have to be perfect for myself or for anyone else. I don't mind making a mistake because there is none to please (of course I am talking in comparison to what I was before to now not in absolute). So, I feel much at ease with myself and with things at large.

I like being with myself. I have fun no matter what I do even if it means just sitting doing nothing. I am kind to myself, especially when I am tired and weary. I am considerate about my mental and physical well-being. I will not push myself for the sake of pushing it. I love myself above all. Not in a selfish way but with a knowledge that only through that love that I will be able to sustain the love I have for anyone or anything in this world. I listen to myself like I have never done before. There were times when I used pass on my own instincts and then feel utterly useless for not having listened to it. Now I do not let myself down. I trust myself at all costs.

In doing this, cultivating a relationship with myself, I have been able to become more solid and harmonious in my relationships with others and the world.

I used to be more awkward and uncomfortable in social settings. I would do it because I had to. Even when I did it, there was a certain amount of "tongue tightness" about me that I felt within me. But because I have come to accept myself so much and feel at ease with who I am and my strengths and limitations (if I were to call them), I don't feel awkward anymore. Because I have with myself at all times, even when outside conditions are not what really what I would like to I find that I adjust accordingly so that I get the best that I could so that things become positive for me. As a result I am less complaining about things as well.

I have realised that whatever the relationship that you have with yourself is what is shown outside in the world. It's unfortunate that we don't take time to cultivate that most important relationship of all. Because many people look outside and try to adjust the world so that they could become happy. But it's not the problem of the world. The problem is right there in themselves. If only they adjusted the way they related to the world, then they would feel much at ease in it. But in order to do that, they first of all need to feel at ease within themselves.

In order to feel at ease within oneself, one has first cultivate a positive and wholesome relationship with oneself.

The Buddha's path shows us how to cultivate this very effectively. Things like metta, karuna, muditha and uppkea, if rightly understood and practiced can created a wonderful sense of well-being within oneself which can then get translated into how one interacts with the rest of the world. In that a great healing can take place.

So, while I was not able to have a conversation with my husband on the most relationship to develop, I have had that conversation many times with myself and now I have shared this in this blog. I hope it would be of benefit to whoever reads it to cultivate a positive relationship with your own self.