This whole blog is based on a chat I had with my mother who is in Sri Lanka. I am appreciative of the opportunity that she gave me to bring into my own mind some of my own understandings of Dhamma.
Dukkha or many of us here in the West call 'Suffering' is one of the Four Noble Truths taught by the Buddha. Dukkha appears in many forms. It could be as heavy as loss of a loved one, having a terminal illness or as simple as a mosquito bite. Either way, we cannot escape from Dukkha. It appears from time to time in all of our lives and for some it may appear as a constant condition. While in the West it many be called suffering, over the years I have realised that while Dukkha may be present, we don't necessarily have to suffer. So, for me suffering is something entirely optional.
Most of our lives we live trying to avoid this phenomena called 'dukkha'. When we encounter it at one point or another our typical emotional responses can range from sheer denial to wallowing in it. Neither it healthy because they create emotional 'dents' and effect our long-term well being. It took me many readings of the 'Turning of the Wheel of the Dhamma' the first sermon of the Buddha to even see that he specifically said in the sutta that dukkha had to be understood. It was almost two years ago that I noticed it for myself. All that time I had heard it from many monks and nuns, read it many times but never made that kind of impact. From that day onwards, I have lived trying to understand Dukkha than denying it or wallowing in it.
Understanding Dukkha has given me new perspectives. I realise that when I see Dukkha for what it is, that I have many options other than denial, running away from it or wallowing in it. For example, I have migraines and they can be pretty unpleasant. When I have a migraine headache, I notice my dukkha. I stay with my dukkha. I don't try to deny it and get on with things nor do I try to get depressed that I have constant headaches and that I cannot do anything about it. Instead I stay with it watching it with as much kindness as I can. This is something I have learnt from Ajahn Brahm. He always says to 'Open the door of your heart" to things no matter what it is and to be gentle, kind and make peace with things. So I as much as possible do this with my migraines. I realise that my migraines don't bother me as much or give me grief.
I was on a trip to the Grand Canyon recently. On my way to the flight I pulled my back. It was so bad that I could barely walk. I was on my own. My husband was playing golf in Arizona. All I did was notice my incredible pain and the need for me to complain about it and everything else around me. But because I was paying attention to my pain and being with it, I could not go ahead and make all the other conversations that I knew I so desperately wanted. My mind could do one thing and I had given it the object of watching my pain instead of complaining.
My training in the past of being with something paid off. My entire trip, I had a severe back pain and I could barely walk but I had enormous fun and so did my husband. Of course I also took plenty of medication and the rubs that I could to reduce the pain.
To me this was a great example of understanding of dukka and not living in denial or running away from it.
We always have choices with whatever we are presented with. Be it good or bad. We need to be clear of what is presented or in front of us and then when we see it, instead of getting totally involved or running away from it, we use the options we have to respond to it. It's a wonderful tool.
Now how does this help in letting go. I have noticed that the more I expose myself to seeing dukkha the more my mind releases it's grip on things. It's almost as if it learns that 'Oh here is dukkha again, let's just leave it alone". Previously in my life I didn't know how to do it or what to do with things. But now I feel a sense of "oh yeah here comes dukkha, let it come and let it go". I find that so exhilarating. I used to be scared of dukkha and I would always try to look for a way out. This would create more dukkha for myself and those around me. But now that I have realised that dukkha needs to be understood, I can stay with it for much longer periods than I ever thought I could. Because of that my need to run away from things or to wallow in them have reduced greatly and I feel more at peace.
Also because I can stay with dukkha, I realise that the mind eventually drops things. It's like a bubble rises to the top and then bursts and disappears. Dukkha is the same. It rises to the top, gives dukkha and then disappears. I have learnt that if I could stay with it during that period of time, them at the end of it is the total release from it. It's gratifying to feel the release. So now I want to stay with the dukkha. Of course this does not work all of the time and neither is it possible to stay with all kinds of dukkha all of the time. But since I have learnt that it's possible with some of the things, I find myself wanting try doing it with some of the so called 'difficult' ones. It takes longer times, and sometimes I do suffer a little but when I see the release it feel great.
This is the conversation I had with my mother, telling her to understand dukkha no matter how small. Especially if they are small. Because I have found that it's easier to get started with small dukkhas than with larger ones. Ones I feel comfortable with the little ones then I will move to next stage. Until then, I have kept the difficult ones at bay. I also told her that exposing the mind to dukkha is important because it is through that the mind begins to realise the need to 'let go'. At ones point when the mind realises the release of letting go of dukkha, then it seeks that release. It's like promising a child an ice cream if they finish all of their homework. But in the mind you don't have to do the work, you just have to wait with it.
I hope anyone who reads this would begin to understand the dukkha for what it is and learnt to let it go. For in that letting go, is an incredible release which is better than any kind of pleasure we experience in life.
