Hatred is never appeased by hatred!

I just happen to see the news that Gadafi, the former leader of Lybia has been killed. As I read through the news report on MSN, there were many quotes of celebration and happiness of taking down a brutal man who killed many and hurt many more. I do not disagree with the atrocities that he committed. But as I see the jubiliant quotes and words of happiness of those who hear that he finally died and those who came to see his dead body being paraded through the streets of Lybia, in my opinion, are no better or worse than Gadafi himself. They may have wanted the head of one or three men. But they still wanted someone dead.

I am unsure how cruelty of any kind justifies anyones behaviour no matter what has been committed against one. Because the moment, you take a weapon to take out the person who is holding the weapon you become the other person. No matter whether you call is freedom fighting, justice, call from 'God', self protection, you become the other person, even for a moment.

Let's tone down the situation. Let's take a normal household conflict with a close person; a work situation with a colleague, a school situation with a friend. If someone hurt us with an unkind word or action, what do we do? Are we going to retaliate? Are we going to show the other person what we are made out of? How much gas we have in our tank to take the battle? And then what? We may be fighting Gadafis' in our day to day life in many ways than we see or we wish to see. The fights may not be that cruel, deadly and vicious be they set in motion the similar emotions, anger, frustration, a need to take revenge, perhaps envy, greed for what the other person has and what we would like to have, hate, a need to establish our sense of self. Whatever the case maybe, we enagage in lesser or larger conflicts on a day to day basis in the same fashion and we want to 'WIN' and we want the other person to 'LOSE'. If that loss has public display the better it is.

Does that ever put an end to things? Is Gadafi's death going to bring the much needed peace and happiness to the people of Lybia? I hope so. But I don't believe that it's going the come as quickly and with the ease that they hoped it to. It will take year and perhaps even generation and perhaps there will be more people dead before that comes about.

So, the point is when we wish ill-will and harm on those who harm us, that inherently tends to corrupt us in return. It's like getting into a pile of shit, to squash a bunch of maggots. You are going to stink and probably get sick. That inherent corruption lies in you. It's like a parasite from the pile of shit getting into your skin and then infesting you with a disease. We get infested with anger, hatred and all the negative things we tried to crush in the first place. Then that's what gets spurted out from us as long as we live. People get mentally and physically sick and do weird things because they have been bitten by the parasites called anger, hatred, envy etc and they display symptoms like depression, mental deterioration, unhappiness, agitation, restlessness and many other.

This is, I believe, why the Buddha said that hatred is never appeased by hatred. Hatred is only appeased by forgiveness.

Well, all so easy for someone enlightened to say and do but for us so very hard to do. Because we will all want the other person to put down the gun first (just in case). This fear and the need to assert oneself is the greatest enemy for peace and harmony. I struggle with that so very frequently. But on occassions where I have put the gun down, even when the other person is holding it in my face (metaphorically speaking of course) there I have found harmony. Even is external harmony is difficult to reach, I know for sure I reach immediate internal harmony.

But even with that knowledge I struggle with putting the gun down first. So, I understand why people, want to celebrate the death of someone who has been cruel. I totally get it. I don't blame anyone for wanting it. It's a natural reponse we all have. But ultimately it hurts our own self. That much I know.

So, I hope, that if someone is reading this blog and that if the writings ring true for them, as hard as it might be, they would take the courage to be the one the put the gun down first. Perhaps the other person might fire or they might not. Perhaps there will be external peace and harmony. But gurantee there will be peace within you even if that is your last moment to live.

Without the tags and the lables

Recently my husband and I were watching the turmoil in wall street in the US. The people want their freedom. On the other hand the politicians who have been appointed to represent the people and their issues are fighting the typical party battles. When I saw this I told my husband that we ought to get rid of these party names, tag etc because that's what makes us forget why we are there in the first place. When we don't have a party name, when we are just part of the 'people' we belong to one cause be it 'freedom' or 'justice' or whatever you want to term. But the moment one puts a tag to oneself, the larger cause at hand gets forgotten.

Look at the middle easter crisis. When people were fighting for freedom from Mubarak, it didn't matter whehter they were Arab muslims, or christians, they all fought for the same freedom. Now that the freedom is won, people have forgotten that they are still on the same side. So, they are waging wars against one another. Muslims against christians. Man against woman. What a sad situation is that?

In some ways I see this in a marriage or in friendships or companies. When people get married they are in love and want to be together. But after they get married they forget that belong to one institution. They fight over and sqabbale over who is right and who is wrong, which family is better and whose family is nicer. But at the end of the day, they no longer belong to any of the families because they have joined to create a new family of their own. Wouldn't it be wonderful is people could assume a new married name once they are married instead of wife taking in the husband's name, which would indicate that they from the moment they get marries start a new life and a new instituation. Dropping any attachments to the old families they belong. Perhaps that might reduce some of the conflicts that arise due to the 'perception' that that belong to a group of people.

Why do we do this? I do not see this happening in any other place in nature. Whenever something new starts it continues as that new entity. It does not dig it's heels and refuses to move on because of where it came from. It does not refuses to becomes what it is destined to becomes because of the seed it grew from. But humans on the other hand, dig their heels in and refuses to embrace nature. The very being who was given by nature it's greatest assets refuses to embrace it and instead to wallow in the shackles of society, bars set in by those around them. I am in many ways amused and astonished by this. For I am a humans and I am subject to all of these limitations myself. And unless I watch myself with care and complete mindfulness I will succum to and be restricted by such shackles and bars.

These names, tags are pure man made creations. Not something nature has bestowed upon us. What we have created and be changed. So why are we living as we have no choice? We live under the tag of a man, a woman, a lesbian, a gay, a black man, or a democrat, a republican, a muslim, a buddhist, a christian. But noone has made us do that except us. But one might argue that society requires us to behave in an acceptable ways and to some degree we need to confirm. Perhaps...perhaps.

But that does not mean we need to be like sheep being shephard. When I identify myself as a woman and I live within that identity, I also limit myself in many ways. I limit myself physically...and perhaps there are genuine physical limitations but what of the mental capacities. Who is to say that a woman can or cannot do this and that. Same for a man. If I identify myself as a democrat, I again limit myself with what comes within that term 'democrat'. Aything beyond that that could enhance my thinking and that could benefit myself and the world and society at large is considered not agreeable because of the limitations I have set for myself.

So, as a result should I allow others to sufffer? Should I be someone that causes others limitations and asks others to live under the limited formula within which I have chosen to live? Where is the right of freedom to chose in this kind of thinking?

However, the moement I remove my tag of woman, man, lesbian, musliam I also remove the limitations and boundaries I have surrounded myself in. First and foremost I give myself the right to freedom. A word that is used like a plague in the modern world. But I beg to question from those who use it, whether they understand the essence of what freedom is and whether they themselves have it to begin with. When I rise above these tags, labels then I will be able to see something more than what I WANT to see. Or what I would LIKE to accept. In that could be a glimpse of freedom which should and can only come from being part of all.

Standing Alone!

I recently realised whatever the qualities that arise in our minds cannot sustain themselves unless we give them the power to sustain. I must have done this many many times in my meditations but the realisation only hit me a few days ago. But it only hit me in regards to unwholesome qualities. Because I had an unwholesome thought in my mind at the time. It was anger. I felt the anger arising in my mind. Along with that I also had the feeling that I ought not do anything but simply watch it. Something that I have done so many times over the last few years.

However, this time as I watched the anger and as anger gradually died away, I was struck by the understanding, that when left on their own, these qualities have no strength of their own. This is something I have seen a million times over the last few years but for the first time, I realised the power of letting things be and not trying. The real kind of 'letting go'. It was a powerful lesson for me. Of course until I sat down to write this blog, I only saw as it being unique to unwholesome qualities. While there was that nagging thought in my mind that something was not quite there, it was when I sat down to write the blog that it hit me, that all qualities irrespective of the value it carried cannot last unless ones gives it the momentum.

That is such a powerful understanding.

But I also realise that that momentum, comes without our knowing in the first place. From a deep seated need to just move on. Like waves in the ocean. When the water moves closer to the shore, it breaks automatically on it's own. There is no doer, no thinker. But it happens over and over again. Just the same when a thought appears, good or bad, there is that momentum that it comes with ultimately it disappears. But our thinking and adding fuels it to continue over and over again.

Our lack of awareness too makes it impossible to see the patterns so that we can simple allow it to pass. Or to even notice the stirring so that we can let it pass without adding more ripples to it.

This is one of the most fascinating things I came to see and understand. Of course to see as it unfolds is harder. To see as it unfolds and let it simple takes it course, when it's charge with an emotion, like a tsunami breaking, is even harder. But at least now I know.

The weight of bondage

It took many years for me to realise what I felt many years ago, when I first met my then husband-to-be. Of course there was the thrill of meeting someone, the excitement of perhaps love or just simple wanting and being wanted. But I distinctly remember in the middle of it all, a huge weight slowly settling upon my heart, that was not there before.

I didn't know what it was. In fact I didn't recognise it for many years. But I only remember that there was something that didn't feel good, that seemed to land upon me overnight. It stayed with me for many years. It pulled me, pushed me around for many years. Brought me heartache, tears, endless yearning for many years. But I also recognised it as the same thing that also brought me happiness, great joy, love and comfort. So, I had to have it. There was no way that I could lose it. For if I did, I would be in utter misery.

After about 6 years of being the grip of this, I managed to get out of. It was like getting out of a prison. What freedom. Suddenly, my heart was free. The weight was lifted and I was not being pulled and pushed. The tears, heartaches, endless yearnings seemed to fall by the wayside all of a sudden. But there was one thing that was amazing in the middle of it all. I still had joy, love and comfort. This time round, it was not mixed up with all those negative emotions. This time around, these positive things tended to last much longer when the came around in my life. What a relief!

This got me thinking? What the hell happened?

Although it's been about 4 years since I've started feeling this way, it's only recently I recognised why this happend.

The burden that my heart felt all those years ago, was the burden of being bonded. The Buddha called this attachment and craving. I didn't know it consciously but somewhere deep in the recesses of my mind and heart I guess there was an inkling. Imagine that. A truth that was there all that time and I never saw it. Then when I managed to let go of that craving (perhaps the wanting to be loved, or the security of having someone or the fear of losing something) I was free. I was no longer bonded. This is the freedom Buddha spoke of all those years ago. This is the freedom I felt.

Miraculously, I still can love. I am still lovable. In fact, according to my husband, I am more lovable than I ever used to be. He also tells me that my love towards his has become less 'needy'. This is a wonderful insight.

For most part, all of us are bonded in our lives by our attachments and cravings. Love towards one another and to ourselves is the key to that bondage. It creates great suffering, distress, heartache, anger, fights in ourselves and amongst those around us. But all because we cannot separate love from craving.

Pure love does not carry with it any 'weight'. It's free. It like cotton flying in the wind. It's like a bird that can fly anywhere it wants. It frees the person that loves, and gives freedom to the person that is being loved. Neither is shackled by 'giving' or 'receiving' of that love.

But on the other hand love that has craving (and most of us who are not trained to love properly has certain amount of craving embedded in our love) carries a lot of 'weight'. It lacks freedom. It binds the person who loves as well as the person who is being loved. Both are in shackles. This love is clearly visible in all kinds of relationships. My relationships to my husband, my parents and myself had to a great extent craving embedded in them.

This creates expectations all around and when they are not met, distress, quarrels and when they are met joy. But when you drop the craving and learn to give love only, it has no expectations and then there are no distresses and quarrels and heartaches there is only joy.

Of course, I still have a long way to go but I have started my work and enjoyed it's fruits. I only realised what is really was only a few days ago. And I thought it was well worth blogging about since we all suffer from this phenomena.

Much peace and joy!

Building the house of Peace!

I was talking to my mother today morning and I shared something with her that I thought was worth writing in my blog.

We were, as always, talking about the path of liberation. My mother is very devoted to Buddha. I think she has much more faith in the Triple Gem and listens to a lot of Dhamma. She is very much versed in the Dhamma. However, she is not as well versed as she is in her practice of the Dhamma as she is in her knowledge of it.

So, I at one point of the conversation, analogised it to a foundation without a house. My mom is a person who has maintained her 5 precepts most of her life. She may have strayed from it intentionally a few times but she those times are few and rare. Keeping the 5 precepts is the foundation of all lay Buddhists. It helps to build the Noble Eightfold Path. So, I was telling my mother that she has a strong foundation but on it, there is skeletons of a house but no walls and roof.

So, if someone, builds a foundation and skeletons of walls, and they move into the house, what will happen? Can they live in it? Where will they keep their furniture? Even if they do, what will happen to them, from the cold, the sun, the heat or from thieves? They are going to be constantly harassed by outside environment elements as well as physical elements right?! Yes, of course. In order to be protected, they need to at least put up the walls, a roof and doors and windows and appropriate coverings and securings before they can sleep peacefully in the security of their home. Until then, they are going to be restless and worried.

In the same way, our peace of mind has to be build, guarded and protected. For that we cannot use wood, cement or glass or concrete. To build peace of mind we need to cultivate a spiritual path. The Buddha taught us this path. The start of this is the 5 precepts. It's like the foundation of our homes. So, we lay a strong foundation that does not wobble. Once it's done, we have to start building the house; it's walls, roof, windows, doors etc. This is done by cultivating the Noble Eightfold Path. It not done in the successive manner it's taught in the scriptures but instead it's done in a circular manner. Every little bit counts and contributes. But anything that goes against the path, also inhibits any progress we make too. It's like taking two steps forward and one step back. So, in order to move forward with speed, we have to ensure we take rapid steps in the right direction and that we don't take steps or we take less steps in the wrong direction. Otherwise we, reverse or slow down the progress.

It's like when we build a house, we must all work together towards building it. If people start falling sick, or material doesn't turn up on time, or things don't get build according to plan, or the plan is not good, work stalls. It's more or less the same thing in spiritual practice.

So, as we cultivate the Noble eightfold path we build the house and then gradually we can move into the house. To the extend it's complete, to that extent we are protected from the outside. For example, if the roof is not properly done, then the house will have leaks. In the same way, when we have not yet fully cultivated the Noble Eightfold Path, we will be disturbed by things like anger, worry, restlessness, desire, aversion, greed, sadness, misery, wanting, dislike and many other emotions that would create problems for us.

But when the house is complete just like the owners can safely rest and have a nice peaceful time inside it, when one day a person fully cultivates the Noble Eightfold Path, then that person will have total peace in their hearts. Just like no rain or heat or thieves can disturb, a person who has fully cultivated the Noble Eightfold Path will not be disturbed what goes on in the outside world. They will always be at peace in the peace of their own hearts.

As water flows so does everything

I have had a love, hate relationship with water for many years. I could not swim and this was a major reason. But I still cannot swim but I am not scared of water as much as I used be. So, over the past 4 years I have become less paralysed by water so that I could enjoy water activities like getting into a pool, kayaking, canoeing and I recently went whitewater rafting.

Water has taught me great many lessons about life apart from over coming my paralysing fear of it.

Water has a natural quality of flowing. It flows through everything. Even through hard rocks. I remember walking through some tunnels in Jasper, Alberta carved by water. The water no long flows through them but they certainely used to. It also has a way of finding it's way. I remember reading that water stopped flowing because of some geological changes and that after a while it carved out a new way for it to flow. So now it has a new direction to flow. Probably, many years later, if that avenue closes it door, water will find another direction. It never stops flowing. I find that a lovely quality. Our life is the same. It too flows, just like water. It has to flow, otherwise we fail in our own growth.

But in that journey, it encounters obstacles, some hard and others easy. Through it all life must find a way. It can find a way. It's ironic that I find myself getting bogged down with difficulties in life and sometimes attached to plesant things. If my life is like water I need to cultivate the ability walk past both because getting bogged down and getting attached are both hazards. They will both hinder my natural flow of life.

Another quality I see in water is it's state of balance. I don't know much science behind water currents and waves and etc. But this time when we went whitewater rafting, I realised that one can to some degree work with the flows and currents of water to guide the raft through. While the water looks out of control and scary, there seem to be some patters to it that if one know how to, can guide through it. I think, this quite similar to life. As Ajhan Brahm says, life is out of control so relax and enjoy the ride. I believe him to be correct now after my own experieces of it. I think we try to control and manouver life too much instead of flowing with it's tides, it's currents and patters. It has it's own ways and we need to work with it's patters to stay afloat. Most of us forget that and that I believe is the reason why we stress out so much, get in to problems unnecessarily. We just need to relax and join in the ride!

I also find disturbances in water whether they are as huge as tsunamis or as small as ripples are also interesting teachers. I think ripples are like our normal day-to-day emotions-both negative and positive. Ripples happen when the water is disturbed by an object. Just like ripples, when the mind encounters an object, it creates a wave in the positive or the negative direction. Ripples don't last forever. They arise and they gradually lose it's intensity and die. So do our emotions be they positive or negative. But we mess around with these naturally arising emotions. We hold on to our emotions by wanting more of it or wanting less of it. It's like the water not letting go of a ripples. What a mess that would be?! So, we essentially create a mess in ourselves. Instead trying to grab hold of our emotions or get rid of our emotions, we must simpley let them arise and let them cease just like ripples. How peaceful life would be if only we learnt to do that.

A tsunamis of emotions?! Well that's a hard one. Well I guess that's when people hurt themselves and others in very harmful ways.

You know how if water gathers in one place, it creates breeding grounds for mosquitoes and usually harmful things for humans. Well, I see life in the same way. When we hold our life, by way of not forgiving, not letting go, trying to control, I see that we essentially block our flow of life and make it a breeding ground for basically greed, hatred and delusion.

Water is pure and can benefit all. So can life if used well. Water has taught me many lessons. While there are many to share, I shall leave the rest for those who read to fill. I think I have become less scared of water partly because I see how much it's connected to life.

The most important relationship to cultivate

On our way from our vacation in July 2011, my husband and I were talking about our relationship. How I got to this point I don't remember, but I started saying to him that one ought to cultivate a strong relationship with oneself. He rebutted saying that it's just a conventional saying and that there cannot be a relationship with oneself because a relationship by definition has to be between two people. Well, what follows and more is what's in this blog.

The convention really is that we think that a relationship is between two people. Perhaps the definitions state that relationships have to be between two people. I don't know because I haven't looked up the definition. But I know that it's possible to have a relationship with oneself. Because I have one. Over the past few years I have actively cultivated and developed and nourished that relationship that I feel a sense of comfort in "my own skin" so to speak. This is what I started to talk to my husband about. I don't think he understood me, or so where I was coming from because he decided to get distracted by some police cop following him. So I shut up half way through the conversation and then the police cop suddenly stopped following him.

Anyway, back to my blog. Yes, it is possible and one must cultivate a relationship with oneself. It's like having a constant companion, a best friend. It's no different to establishing a friendship. But unlike a friend, who is outside of yourself, who will always change, go away, and do all the things that you might not want them to, if you cultivate a relationship with yourself, I have found that, that friendship is most likely to be at your side almost all of the time. There is that guarantee that wherever you go, you carry yourself with you. Whatever you do, you are always with you. You don't have to wait, you don't have to call someone up, there is no hoping or waiting, it's always there. But you must cultivate yourself to be by your side the way you want it to be.

For example, a few years ago, when I would feel sad, I would simply feel sad. I would cry, feel depressed. I needed someone else to make me feel good. I needed something else to get me out of my unhappiness. Now after a few years of cultivating a friendship with myself, I find that during times of unhappiness, sadness, there is a sense of comfort that I can find within myself. I can feel strong on my own.

A few years ago, when I would get angry, I would simply be over come with anger. It was like a tornado ripping through my heart, mind and body. Such devastation. Now, when I feel anger, I can feel a sense of calm slowly coming into myself. A quiet voice, a softening of the winds that rip through my mind, heart and body. Then a gradual lessening of a heat and then a peace as if someone has stroked and taken the storms away.

When I am confused, I used to stay in my confusion not knowing what to do. I could not feel energy, sometimes for days. But now, when I feel confusion, there is a sense that someone is at work with gusto. A relishing of the confusion because there is a knowing that this is a great working ground from which much can be learnt from and much growth can be achieved. It's like a good, kind and wise friend who guides you through a complex math problem or a life issue and you take comfort and assurance that you are going to come out alright and safe and that you are going to find the solutions.

In the same way, when I used to make mistakes, I used to be hard on myself...in fact I don't think I saw myself as being able to make mistakes in the first place. I always saw myself to be perfect and so capable. But now I am so comfortable in just being who I am. I don't have to be perfect for myself or for anyone else. I don't mind making a mistake because there is none to please (of course I am talking in comparison to what I was before to now not in absolute). So, I feel much at ease with myself and with things at large.

I like being with myself. I have fun no matter what I do even if it means just sitting doing nothing. I am kind to myself, especially when I am tired and weary. I am considerate about my mental and physical well-being. I will not push myself for the sake of pushing it. I love myself above all. Not in a selfish way but with a knowledge that only through that love that I will be able to sustain the love I have for anyone or anything in this world. I listen to myself like I have never done before. There were times when I used pass on my own instincts and then feel utterly useless for not having listened to it. Now I do not let myself down. I trust myself at all costs.

In doing this, cultivating a relationship with myself, I have been able to become more solid and harmonious in my relationships with others and the world.

I used to be more awkward and uncomfortable in social settings. I would do it because I had to. Even when I did it, there was a certain amount of "tongue tightness" about me that I felt within me. But because I have come to accept myself so much and feel at ease with who I am and my strengths and limitations (if I were to call them), I don't feel awkward anymore. Because I have with myself at all times, even when outside conditions are not what really what I would like to I find that I adjust accordingly so that I get the best that I could so that things become positive for me. As a result I am less complaining about things as well.

I have realised that whatever the relationship that you have with yourself is what is shown outside in the world. It's unfortunate that we don't take time to cultivate that most important relationship of all. Because many people look outside and try to adjust the world so that they could become happy. But it's not the problem of the world. The problem is right there in themselves. If only they adjusted the way they related to the world, then they would feel much at ease in it. But in order to do that, they first of all need to feel at ease within themselves.

In order to feel at ease within oneself, one has first cultivate a positive and wholesome relationship with oneself.

The Buddha's path shows us how to cultivate this very effectively. Things like metta, karuna, muditha and uppkea, if rightly understood and practiced can created a wonderful sense of well-being within oneself which can then get translated into how one interacts with the rest of the world. In that a great healing can take place.

So, while I was not able to have a conversation with my husband on the most relationship to develop, I have had that conversation many times with myself and now I have shared this in this blog. I hope it would be of benefit to whoever reads it to cultivate a positive relationship with your own self.

Reflections on Death

An uncle of mine is suffering from liver cancer and he may have a very short time to live. My mother told me recently that he was found crying on his bed a few times recently, even though he doesn't know that he's dying of cancer and that he may have a short time to live. It made me reflect on death deeply during a recent sitting that I had.

Death is going to happen sooner or later. Whether I would die as a young person, a middle aged person or an old person is an uncertainty. But all I know for a fact is that I will die. How I will die is also not certain. Will I die of old age? Will I die of sickness? Will I die of an accident? I won't know until the time arrives. But I know I will die.

But despite the certainty of it, Death seems such a far away concept. I don't feel death with me right now. But I guess, somewhere, somehow, my uncle can feel death even though know has told him that he's going to die probably within a year or less.

I tried to put myself in his shoes in my sitting. I can tell you that I am glad I wasn't the person who was dying. It's not a good position to be in though, it looms over our hear every single day. I used to be scared of even the thought of it. But over the last few years I have become less scared of thinking about it. But to actually feel that you are dying is something else.

I can understand his tears. It could be for many things. But mainly it was for either sadness or for fear and most likely for both. Sadness for what and fear of what, I contemplated?

Well sad that you have to leave and lose. Death makes us leave things behind and it make us lose our own bodies which we have come to treat as "me". Death makes us leave those we love, parents if they are alive, partners, brothers, sisters, children, grandchildren, our houses, business, pets, monies, unfinished things, unsaid things, undone deeds. It also makes us lose our bodies. But since birth for how many years we have lived (the longer the worse) we have come to see and treat this mind-body process as one single entity called "myself" and death bring a sense of closure to it. I lose myself. It's a great sense of sadness.

This is also a fearful thing. I found losing myself to be a fearful thing. Because there are so many 'what ifs' that cannot be answered. We live our whole life trying to answer the 'what ifs' and 'buts' or at least adjusting and modifying our surrounding and people to answer those uncertain times so that they become a little bit more certain but death is that final uncertainty. We have no answer to give no strings to pull to steady the ground any more. We have to join the ride whether we like it or not! The great irony of it all.

I found when I contemplated that this is a scary proposition. I mean it can be scary if we've lived all of our live in one direction and one fine day we have to suddenly shift gear in the other way.

I found great compassion for my uncle at this point. For nothing could be more worse than dying unless you know how to die. I could feel and understand his tears because I know what they were for. I have done much metta meditation with him as my object recently, because that is the best thing I can do for as long as he lives. Perhaps, the energies will be absorbed somewhere and somehow. If for a moment it brings release then it will bring him a moment's release and that will be good enough.

But more than for him, for my own self, it was a time to think and feel what it would like to die. I found that it wasn't easy. Just like one has to get ready to go on a trip, death too is a journey that one needs to be prepared to for. A disorganised trip is a pain for those who are on it. In the same way someone who is not prepared for death, it will be sad, fearful and painful process.

These are my reflections on death.

Perspective Taking

I remember learning about perspective taking in Child Psychology many years ago. It was about when children learn that what you see may not necessarily be what others see. It's done as an experiment. Two children are playing with a doll. The doll is hidden from the view of one child. But the other can see the doll. So, the child that can see the doll learns, that the other child isn't able to see the doll because of the barricade even though he/she can do so. This is called perspective taking. Being able to see from the other persons point of view. Basically putting yourself in the other person's shoes.

It's incredible that this ability which is gained in early childhood which is supposed to expand during life into adulthood isn't learnt and developed by many.

The reason for many broken relationships, interpersonal conflicts, work place issue, broken friendships (of course these being small things) to bigger things like murders, wars and torture and many other horrendous acts of crimes are due to our inability to exercise "Perspective taking". A simple thing that was supposed to have been learnt and possibly may have been learnt but have not been expanded to many other critical areas of life is standing in the way of life itself.

As I mentioned before, perspective taking is being able to see if from the other person's point of view, vantage point and NOT from your own point of view. As in the exercise the child that can see the doll, were to see it only from her/his point of view, will always see the doll. But to understand that the other person cannot see the doll, the child has to release the grip he/she has on his/her own perspective and step onto the seat of the other child and see it from there without physically moving to the seat of the other child. It's a mental activity. It requires imagination, a willingness to let go, a willingness to see something different and to finally accept that there is an actual difference according to the other person.

All of the above actions take great empathy, compassion, love, patience, letting go of your own view, sense of pride and many more acts of generosity.

Now, unlike children when we grow up, some of the beautiful qualities that we inherently bring with us die with us in the growing up process. Some of the qualities are killed by our own loved ones and some other are destroyed by our own selves. But all are done in order for the so called "survival" and "protection"in society. But as ironic as it may sound, it is what causes the destruction of society but first and foremost through the destruction of the very being that subjects him or her self to such acts of selfish desires and stupidity.

Yes, they are acts of selfish desires and downright stupidity. The inability to take a perspective is totally drives by selfishness and lack of understanding. There are some who are unable to do this, due to illness such as mental disorders and lack of mental development but the rest of us have the ability at our disposal at all times but we do not use them because we are selfish and the selfishness is driven because we fail to understand that when we become selfish we cause the greatest harm to ourselves.

When we fail to see from other people eye's or take a walk in the shoes of another, we lose the opportunity to cultivate beautiful qualities of our own hearts like, compassion, love, empathy, letting go and get rid of negative emotional states such as ego, competition, hanging on to one's views and opinions, being stingy, being demanding or commanding etc. As a result we lose our chance to grow as a human. In that we become less. The energy we give to the world becomes less and negative. It's contracted instead expanded. Not magnanimous but contracted. So, this is the aura that we build around us.

If that's the aura we build around us, then we will attract similar aura's to ourselves as a result. So, we have a contracted aura we will attract contracted aura's to ourselves. So, beings, humans or otherwise will be attracted to us. Even karmic causes negativity will arise in the mind more and more as a result. This is the harm we first and foremost do to ourselves. Then this will impact those around us.

As I said before, lack of understanding of this leads people to do selfish things. So, a person who operates in this manner will do, say and think things that are hurtful and harmful to those who are around them. There will be conflict and and sadness, stemming from such acts of those who are unable to take perspectives. Basically, it's going to be unpleasant to stay around such people for a length of time. Because, they will always be right and the other person always wrong, even if they themselves are in the wrong there will be no acceptance as there is no understanding that what they do can cause hurt and harm to another. People will also generally would not tolerate such people. There will be complaints if they work at a workplace because they will not understand the impact of their actions and words.

On the other hand, those who are able to take perspective will cultivate positivity and wholesome qualities. So, they will have a positive aura around them. They will have a positive aura about them and people will feel sense of comfort in their presence. They will be easy to be with not because they are "fun" people but they genuinely care about the well-being and welfare of those who are around them. They will have less interpersonal conflict. Even if such cases were to arise a person who is able to take perspective will apologize, when they are in the wrong and make amends and take corrective actions instead of simply demanding the world to adjust themselves according to their views and opinions. They will be easier people to talk to since they will be able to step aside from perspectives they are holding and stay in limbo to listen to someonelses's views. A person who cannot is usually very rigid and will feel like a wall and as if nothing is going in.

All the above qualities makes it easier for people to have lasting relationships with a person who is able to take perspectives.

Of course, perspective taking should not be done only for one's convenience and benefit. I am quite sure there are politicians and business people who are pretty good at perspective taking but who are not sincere at all about the motives. This is not what I am talking about. I am talking about perspective taking which cuts across all boundaries and even one's own likes and dislikes. This brings us closer to nature and universal laws of all beings and a state of harmoniousness within and without oneself and with nature. A state which can bring one close to a state of great equilibrium which bring a great sense of ease and peace.

Building Fences!

I have been investigating the reasons why is it that we feel hurt, dissapointment, sadness, misery, anger and all other negative emotions. I particularly focus on the negative emotions because they are the most disturbing and disruptive to my living as I am sure it is to most of other people. Happiness and joy will never bother us and keep us up through sleepless nights of despair but anger, hurt or misery do. So, I have tried to look at why these emotions arise in the mind over and over again. How do we begin to understand them and then find a way to rise above them.

I realised that these negative emotions arise because we engage in an activity which I termed 'Building Fences". This is not something that I only do myself but something that we all do with zest and we all have very valid reasons and justifications to do them. So, in that we lose any sense of higher functioning thinking! Now how can this possibly happen?

Well, when we get angry or miserable the object of our anger is NOT our anger. It is the person who is responsible for our anger. It's always out there, in the other person. So, what we try to do in this instance is to get rid of the object of our anger in order to protect ourselves. I need to create a boundary in order so that the other person can no longer make me angry or hurt me now or in the future. So, we define a boundary, which I call a fence. So, we build a fence. This is for our security. These are not physical fences that any of us can see or touch. They are all mind made and invisible. But there is a fence, a boundary that the other person cannot penetrate. This boundary is not in the other person. It is in us. The boundary is called "hate", 'resetment' or all the words that we are so familiar with.

But the critical part is that the fence is around us. While it prevents the other person from entering our surrounding area, we are restricted by the fence that we have built around us. This is the foolishness that we never see. We never see the harm we do to our ownselves in building fences because the only thing we can see is keeping the other person out. But in doing so what we fail to see, to our own detriment, is that we have boxed ourselves up in our little allotement because of someone else who has complete freedom whereas we don't. Isn't that a shame!

I realised and was so bewildered as to why I have done this to myself for years and continue to do this to myself again and again even now. It doesn't make sense. We love ourselves above all and yet here we are in the name of protecting ourselves, we limit our own freedom in life. Basically we lock ourselve in a prison. We give ourselves a sentence. What a shock!

Why do we do this? Well, we get to this point because we think we are protecting ourselves. The greatest mistake of all. The only way we can protect ourselves is not to build a fence but NOT to build fences. Also to find fences that we have already built and break them down. But I will tell you that this is a very difficult task.

Why? Because, somewhere deep down there is a belief that freedom can be found in the restrictions that we surround ourselves in. Isn't that incredible?! I am baffled. Is the ego this non-sensical? We are scared of freedom that we want to stay within self-imposed shackles. Cannot fathom what rationality lies within this thinking but it happens in all of us. See for yourself.

The only way to take the fences down is to see and feel the tightening of the breathing space and the closing in of our own freedom which would make any living creature want to break out of it in a mad dash. But we have to feel the pain of the limited space that fence builiding creates. Without that we will never strive to take any fences down. Instead we will live in the false security it brings while it will keep eating away our freedom until escape becomes too late for us.

One who protects the Dhamma, is protected by the Dhamma

The Buddha himself declared this point during his lifetime. That is the person who protects the Dhamma is protected by the Dhamma itself. It has always fascinated me. One use to wonder whether there is a magical element to it. May be. But for now...all I can pen down is my understanding of how Dhamma protects the one who protects the Dhamma. What may unfold in the future will be determined how well I continue to uphold the Dhamma.

What is Dhamma? It is a worthwhile thing to investigate before embarking on, how Dhamma aims to protect oneself.

Dhamma is the truth of the world. In simple terms I understand Dhamma to be kindness we show to ourselves and to each other, respect, generosity without expectations, humility, joy at others success just as much as our own without any trace of envy, forgiveness, not holding grudges, not asking for more that what is needed, praising and not finding fault whether one is able to or whether for pleasure of satisfying fleeting moments of ones cruel desires, patience at moments of grave worry and restlessness, living up to highest of virtues and moral conduct, not destroying life, others, emotions, taking away what is not given, and many more of standards that uphold which makes us essentially human.

This is the Dhamma. These laws whether they are protected by laws of society or by human rights or by UN, are unspoken and unwritten. These unfold according to a natural rhythm which the Buddha called cause and effect. They cannot be messed with and cannot be made untrue. It's like a boomerang. Once sent to space, it will come back. It's a certainty. So it Dhamma.

A person that upholds the Dhamma, attempts to live by the principles which it lays out. A Buddha is born into this world, in order to lay out these natural laws and show us the path. Whether we take that into our heart and follow it, is complete up to our own wisdom and judgment. However, whether we follow the path or not, we will be subjected to the laws of Dhamma.

Over the last 4-5 years I have attempted to follow the path laid out by the Buddha. I must say that it's not an easy path to tread on. It takes much effort. But as you walk you get to see lovely scenery. The walking along the path is the reward.

In walking the path, you start putting into practice all the qualities that I mentioned before. Of course these qualities are continuum's. In one corner you will find the unwholesome quality and the other corner you will find the wholesome quality. As you walk the path you go from one corner to the other corner. But it's not a straight line. You fall off the line and sometimes you go back and forth. But each stride and each moment of effort will keep pushing you on the continuum of that quality. As you develop like this, you move towards the light, which is the wholesomeness of the quality. For example, from anger towards loving-kindness. Of course you will in the path encounter many emotions from anger, to resentment, to attachment in the middle, to kindness...the perfection of the quality is loving-kindness. Of course this perhaps might taken lifetimes...but this will happen. But in the process towards this, you being to experience the feelings of wholesomeness.

Now you are moving closer to the Dhamma. You are upholding the Dhamma. Each time someone hurts you, instead hurting back, you start showing some amount of kindness. You may still have angry thoughts but they may have gotten less over a few months or years.

What I have found over the last 4-5 years is that, especially in regards to anger is that, when someone does something to make me angry, or I encounter a situation that makes me angry, I don't stay angry for as long as I used to. I don't burn in it as I used to. I stay in it for a while but my mind drops it. Then I move into love. It's almost like I move from dark to light. Like I have walked in the desert and found and oasis. It's wonderful.

My heart has found it's protector in the Dhamma. By upholding what is good, which is loving kindness, loving kindness springs to action when I encounter an object of anger and soothes my anger. Only because I have over the last few years continuously developed it on as many occasions as possible.

I believe this what the Buddha said in Dhamma protecting the one that upholds the Dhamma. Of course I can go on the give many a descriptions but I think one example is adequate to demonstrate the power of upholding what is true and what is good.

May I have the strength to continue to uphold the Dhamma as long as I live until my last breath leaves my body! Sadhu! Sadhu! Sadhu!

Mindquakes

We've had many earthquakes during the last few years creating enormous havoc and destruction of lives and other material things. In the same fashion there are the unseen mindquakes that take place every day and every moment in our minds that create same kind of havoc and destruction that go unnoticed. I am going to write my blog on that.

Mindquakes are far more insidious because of their frequency and the inability to predict any one of them. They create destruction not only in the place where the quake takes place but has far reaching effects on those who are around them with devastating effects. So what are these mindquakes? Well they are bouts of anger, attacks of greed and simple acts of delusion. While the roots are in those three predominantly, there are many acts that arise from them that have many names such as jealousy, tantrums, gossip done out of malice, killing and hurting of other beings, cheating, lying, deception, covetousness, hatred, grudge, depression, derogatory comments, desire, grasping, wanting and many more. All these come about as a result of a movement in the mind towards wanting or rejecting. Either way it's a movement and it's like an earthquake. In the person whose mind is in movement because of the wanting or the not wanting, there is a tremor. So, restlessness and discomfort arises in the mind of the person first and foremost in order to stop the movement. Whichever the way the movement is, be it towards wanting or rejecting, the person has to take action in the form of anger, greed and delusion.

This is the most interesting part of all. Some of us think that anger is worst and that liking something is not that bad. Well, perhaps from an outward, worldly point of view liking something is not that bad until the thing we like is easy to get or that there is nothing standing between that which you want and you. Then the whole drama starts to unfold. So, the catch of liking something is not in the 'liking' itself but how it unfolds when it becomes difficult to get. Then one falls into anger. An angry person by virtue of the difficulty that lay in anger looks and feels difficult to begin with.

Anyway, the mind is in tremors when there is a movement towards wanting and rejecting. Whether it is positive or not the outcome is a 'mindquake'. Both create havoc. Both create things to move about. Forget about outside things. The first thing that the mindquake moves is YOU. You have to move in order to get or prevent from something happening. You go through fear, or intense desire, or both. It's exhausting. While a person who moves in rejection might be quick to notice this fear, desire and exhaustion, a person who moves in greed fails to notice this as quickly. This is because the aim is to get something and in that the movement is justified. Of course in the same fashion an angry person may not feel the anger because of the same justification that goes towards why one should be angry towards the object of ones anger. But either way one is moved, tossed here and there just like in an earthquake. You have to get what you want or prevent from getting what you don't want in order to stop the mindquake. Then only one will find peace!

This is how we live most of our lives. Going from one mindquake to another. Unlike earthquake we don't notice it. Unfortunately, because of that we go through life collecting so much emotional and karmic rubble. These are the movements that Buddha asked us to see and investigate for ourselves. He asked us not just to see and investigate but through seeing and investigating, he showed us a path to put an end to it all. This is called equanimity. All movements of the mind comes to a complete stop in equanimity. He called this this the highest Brahma Vihara. This is where mind simply stands still and does not move at all. I find that so fascinating and a relief.

Going back to mindquakes, they not only create havoc in the person, but also in other around them. Imagine if you are person who wants the beautiful girl next door. Not only your mind is in movement but you are going to do many things to attract that person. As a result many lives are going to be affected, especiually if you are married or if the other person is married. Because your mind moved, you also made that tremor affect the lives of others. In the same way imagine you were angry at someone. You would go an say nasty things to that person or you would give non-verbal actions to show that you are angry at the person. This would make things unpleasant for the other person. Makes the other person sad or even angry at you. What have you done here? Mindquakes are dangrous because it can create mindquakes in others and it becomes a chain reaction. Unless the other person is mindful and to some degree well established in the Dhamma and it's principles, there is little chance there is not going to be a full blown disaster unfolding along the way or complete falling out.

THis is why the Buddha said to find Kalyana Mitta. A 'Good Friend/s". Bad friends are those that can give rise to tremors in you. No matter how well versed in the DHamma you maybe unless you have realised the Path and Fruit moments one is extremely vulnerable to the visscistudes of bad influence. So one need to chose carefully. If one hangs around those who have regular mindquakes, you have got to expect a few tsunamis to come and sweep your mind as well. Live and chose those who are within your circle carefully. Unfortunately, some people are in your life and you have little or no choice about them. What do you do in that case? Associate them wisely? Know with wisdom and take precautions.

The best precaution to take is to ensure that you have a mind that does not or have little tremors. That stands on solid grounds and have little or no connection to the other plates around you. The Dhamma teaches you how to find your own ground. This way you have your own ground that has little connection to others so that even when the others move you don't have to feel the tremors. The Sila also puts you on a higher ground so that even if a tsunami hits you, you are on high ground and can withstand it for sometime before drowning in it. This does not mean that you becomes oblivious to others needs and less caring or aloof. QUite the contrary.

The Dhamma teaches you to maintain love in your heart and compassion but at the same time live your own life in your own little ground away from it all. I cannot explain it in any other way. It comes over time. The ground develops over long periods of time and higher altitudes develop even longer periods of time. But it does develop. This is the most fascinating thig of Dhamma. But one needs to walk the path and keep to it diligently and never for once take the eye off. Even when it seems so dark and the path seems foggy one needs to keep walking just because it is the right thing and the only thing to do. Then suddnely the fog lifts and the light appears and one is shown the path sometimes just for a brief moment and then it all dissapears but just that one moment is all one needs. It fills you with an inner knowing unlike any other. A gratification and a gratitude unlike anyother and a motivation unlike any other. Then one keeps moving again.

The movements of the mind don't slow down easily. It seems to take forever. SOmetimes when one feels one is getting somewhere, the movements seems to get crazy all over. This is the path. Perseverance has never held so much meaning to me than when I had practiced Buddha's teachings. Everything seems to be getting streched that much more with His teachings with every moment. When you think you've got to some resting place, you are asked to strech so much that you think you could break. It's the most increadible thing I have ever undertaken. It asks for all of you and you have to be willing to give all and ask nothing in return. In life where I have been used to ask what's in it for, it's come by hard when I feel I give so much and nothing comes back. It's been a tough learning to just to give for the sake of giving and for the love of it. Somewhere over the years a little change too has happened where giviging for the sake of it also isn't that bad anymore. There is a sense of relief in that.

But that little bit has come over 4 years!

Letting Go

"Letting Go" is a hacked term in my opinion. I hear people using that everywhere. For me "Letting Go" holds profound truth and meaning and I would not use as a commonplace phrase but a phrase that I would strive to incorporate into the way I live for as long as I live.

Letting Go, as Buddha said is Renunciation. Letting Go happens in all parts of life starting from material possessions (what is outside) to immaterial possessions (what is inside). Without both there is no letting go. Letting go of what is inside is also very difficult without being able to let go of what is outside, our material possessions.

My own life experiences have taught me that letting go is not easy be it what is material and/or especially what is immaterial. I have always been a giving person from the outside as well as from the inside. I was generous in giving and was always kind to people no matter who they were.

However, during a certain period in my life I realised that I had serious limitations/boundaries to my giving. When it came to people, situations I did not like I found it hard to let go. I also found it difficult to let go when things were close to my heart. Again people and situations I liked were instances where I found it hard to let go. What was it that I struggled to let go?

I dug deep inside to see what was going on, because I was being crippled by the power of not being able to let go. At the time I didn't understand that it was not being able to let go that was making me suffer. But I felt like being inside of a prison cell or not having enough air to breath. I was suffocating. It took a while to realise what things. But when I did boy was it like a light bulb going off in my head. But at the same time, it felt like a daunting task.

I realised that deep within, not wanting to let go, were my immaterial possessions. Those were like deep rooted roots. They have spread all over my heart and my life essence was being sucked out of me. That was the reasons for the feeling of suffocation (in the words you might understand, anger and resentment towards others, feelings of isolation, loneliness, sense of fear of future, uncertainty, depression, being envious and a sense of even everyone have better than I have kind of feelings). So, I started digging deep and looking for the roots. I realised that I was struggling to let go of my views, opinions, judgements, prejudices and my sense of who I was and my sense of self worth and importance in my own eyes and in the eyes of the rest of the world. I needed to be seen and heard by the world but in that struggle the goodness in my heart was dwindling. My views, opinions, judgements, prejudices brought forth anger, resentment, envy, jealousy, and all the rest of the negative emotions. I was drowning.

I had to learn to let go. I promise you that the journey was not an easy one. Letting go is not easy. It take courage. It took me much courage and confidence in something I could not see. I gave into something not knowing but believing that it was bigger than me and because of it, it had to be better. But that simple act held me up somehow, somewhere and now I feel a sense of being cradled by it.

Initially I started letting go of my anger. But instead of striving to do something, the Buddha's path teaches you to cultivate. So you are not raging a great battle to destroy anger. All you do is quietly cultivate metta. Over a period of 6-8 months I found that my burning anger was being subsided without doing much to get rid of anger. All I did was cultivate what was good that was already in my heart. My heart was like a garden. All this time I was allowing the weeds to grow but not allowing the sun to shine on the beautiful seeds. Finally I was focusing the sun shine on my heart's garden and the flowers were thriving and the weeds could not be seen.

Then along with that I started working on my weeds now that my heart was no longer throbbing with anger and all other negative emotions. The little insights along the way helped me to shape my life to path of transformation. Slowly the weeding work began. Weeding is continuous work, as all gardeners must know. One can never sit back on ones laurels and think that all the weeding is done and that for the rest of their lives their garden is free from weeds. From time to time we all need to put on those gloves and start weeding.

But my heart was gotten rid of it's most darkest and disturbing weeds over a period of 2-3 years. And I felt a sense of ease and peace like I never felt before. I also realised that I had changed over this period. I was no longer seeing the world through the same perspectives. I had mellowed. My views, opinions seems like clay. They are more bendable and mailable. I have also dropped some of the views and opinions along the way. My attachments for them have becomes less burdensome that I am not aroused in the same fashion that I once was be it a person/situation that I like or dislike.

I am no longer so bent on being heard or seen, or being someone or showing who I am or with this idea of self worth. Therefore I am in less of a struggle with myself and the world. I feel an ease with which I walk my path. I am less moved my what happens around me and opinion of others. While I listen to them, I am not swayed and bounced around from one wall to another and my sense of who I am or what I am or how I ought to be is not touched (really I don't think I have much of a concept of that compared what I used to have).

My heart is not closed. I don't try to find way to reduce myself in order to escape anyone or anything. In fact I always strive to extend so that I can get bigger and open up to the greater mysteries that lie beyond my current reach. The only way, I know I can do that is by opening up my boundaries (like I did once) and not my diminishing no matter what life presents. But I do this in my own time according to my own heart and not to the demands and expectations set by the world and roles of society.

I believe these are the ways of letting go and results of letting go. When I hear people say "let go" or that they have "let go" I hope they feel the same sense of ease and peace in their very being and not a sense of justification and a sense of worry and a sense of diminishing of their spirit.

Something that I have understood is that letting go can be done in the head. That means logic can be used to let go. But that letting go, will reduce your heart and eat you away with time and life will spit the remnants out and you will only be hurt by it. I know this to be a truth because this kind of letting go is easy to do. We as humans like to do what is easy and fast. But something what is easy and fast isn't what is good in the long run. It leaves indelible marks. The real letting go must involve the heart. The heart has to open with all of it's love and kindness. This is the hard part. This is why only a few humans dare or even endeavour to strive for letting go. When you let go involving the heart then life opens up to you. The beauty and the immeasurable treasures of the human heart are revealed to you.

Dhamma (Protection)

Two weeks ago, before the start of the Dhamma school Ven. Somananda gave a mini talk on what Dhamma meant. It was such a brief but a meaningful talk that resonated with me very deeply. It was about the meaning of Dhamma. Dhamma means protection, to up hold. The Buddha said that whoever upholds the Dhamma is protected by the Dhamma itself. Over the last 4-5 years of my life I have begun to understand the true meaning and the depth of what the Buddha said. There is a profundity that I didn't realise for many years but only started to understand along with serious practice and dedication to the five precepts, meditation and striving for a life that falls in life with that of what the Buddha preached.

Dhamma truly is a protector. But it does not protect just by the fact that you are a Buddhist. It does not protect you just because you are well-versed in the suttas, the pali canon, and all the teachings of the Buddha. The Dhamma protects one only when one becomes the Dhamma itself. One must put aside all notions, beliefs, knowledge, views and a sense of self and truly give oneself to the practice of Dhamma and then the wheel begins to turn. It was fascinating to observe and see the process unfolding within oneself. It's like the blossoming of a flower. One cannot make it open its petals, but one can only make the sun shine upon the flower bud and wait for the petals to open up. So too does Dhamma. As it grows in you, Dhamma opens around you like a protective sheath, surrounding you in its cover. It's not a cover that's visible. It's an invisible sheath of protection that you carry with you as long as you maintain the practice.

It's so very powerful but unlike many things in the world that can be seen, heard, touched, smelled Dhamma cannot be felt by the senses. This is what makes things hard for us all, including myself. Because it's all within oneself away from the normal sense contacts and the sense world, it's easy to stray away from that and swept by the currents of what is immediately in front of you. So, we depend on the protections provided by the sense contacts and the sense world. For example, we depend and we put so much effort and importance to material things like houses, money, cars, and more houses and all kinds of other things but none of these things give us protection. Perhaps in the short-term from the sun, rain, snow, winds etc but all these things are subject to change and decay. Also as we change the allure and the fascination these things hold for us wither away. Both are temporary.

So, we seek protection in what is temporary and flimsy. But yet find great solace in them. However, just because we cannot see, hear and touch we don't make the effort to seek what can provide us eternal protection: the Dhamma. It's hard and requires much work and effort. I find it so very ironic that people are willing to work their butts off in going to work for more than 8 hours a day for 5 days a week and sometimes even more, raise a family and feed them and look after them and work like dogs to continue feeding them and up keeping them, cook, clean, shovel snow and do numerous tedious work day in day out and yet not allocate a single hour or a day or a few days a year to their spiritual development. None of the day to day things they do, have much benefit to each one of us other than ensure our survival for the length of period we live...then we are gone. But we work and fret over things like we would live a life time.

But no one thinks of the eternal life that each one of MUST ride on our own even after death. That life has to be walked whether we like it or not. But none of the activities that we do for our survival in this life, would help us in that journey. But no one thinks of this. I don't understand why? Is it because the question is not pressed hard enough? Perhaps that's why old people start visiting the temples and start observing sil, or giving more danas? Because with old age comes the pressing issue of death. But when we are young, no such pressing issue?! How ignorant are we?

Anyway, Dhamma will only protect those who live according to Dhamma. We have to shape our lives according to Dhamma whether we like it or not. It helps to realise the deeper truth presented by the Buddha rather than read them and understand them as just another intellectual jargon. That way shaping our life becomes that much easier. When one shapes life according to the Dhamma, one becomes something larger than oneself. Dhamma is the truth of everything. As we shape our lives according to the Dhamma we align ourselves to the greater truth of things. By doing so, we becomes one with things as they should be rather than fighting against it. That's why great arahants could live life in total harmony, because they were in sync with everything.

In the world, we ask for what cannot be, we crave for what is not real and is in constant friction with life and everything and truth. Basically we are living against the Dhamma. That's why there is so much misery, heartache, disappointments, anger, rejection, disapproval. When one starts to align oneself with the Dhamma all these above things fall by the way side because ones perspective change and along with that one beings to see the truth and way things are rather than things ought to be according to ones egotistical wishes and whims. When that happens life starts to synchronize.

It's the most beautiful thing in the world. But it takes time and work. Not outside work but much introspection and contemplation. It takes self-discipline and single-minded dedication. But when your life starts taking shape you can see for yourself the beauty of the Dhamma. The great benefits borne in the heart. They are the miracles of life.

May you too find the miracles that lie deep in your heart!

Roles that we play!

Role Playing is a popular adult-learning method. It gives the opportunity for people to step into the roles of others and play them so they may get a better understanding of what people in that particular role go through. For example, managers play roles of their subordinates, people in customer services play the role of their customer, so they get to feel what's it like to walk in the shoes of another. But the good thing about this type of role playing is that we know we are role playing and what type of role playing we are engaged in and that we can get out of it when the game is over.

There is another kind of role playing that we do all throughout our lives. That kind of role playing, for most of times we don't even know we do it, we don't know why we do it in the first place and most importantly we don't know that we have a choice to play or not to play. This is the role playing we do in every day of our lives as a mother, father, son, daughter, a boss, a worker, a husband, a wife, a grandmother, a grandfather, an aunt, an uncle, a granddaughter, a grandson and the list goes on and on.

Each role is played in the drama we call 'life': at different times or sometimes at the samtime. But we play them nevertheless. The society (including our loved ones) determine how these role ought to be played. There are boundaries, specifications/expectations assigned to each of these roles. As we take on each one, we have to start playing them. It's like a broadway show or a movie. You have lines and certain ways to depict your character. In the same fashion one must play the roles in life as well.

Now, some of you would argue to say that I am mistaken. That you have the right to chose and that in your roles things are not that cut and dry. My question to you is 'Really?' Please try stepping out of the boundaries, expectations set and see the reactions. What reactions would you get? So, we, humans (who are supposed to be able to have a higher thinking function and an ability to carve out their own destiny) are reduced to puppets who are made to dance according to the movements of the strings called 'roles'. Isn't that the funniest thing in the world? Actually NO! The funniest thing is that majority of us, willingly and happily dance all of our lives without much questioning.

The few who have risen to question and refused to dance have withered the storms that have filled many history books or have become sacrifical lambs. So, we dare not challenege the greater wisdom (or should I say idiocy) of society.

Why do we do role playing? I have come to understand that humans do this out of desire, fear and lack of understanding.

We role play out of wanting to belong (desire). We fear rejection. Those who have stepped out of boundaries have done so with great personal and even professional sacrifice at the given point of time. So, they gave up both fear of rejection and desire of wanting to belong. But humans in general want to feel part of a pack. We are social creatures so we need to feel a sense of belonging and we will go to great lengths to move into the circle rather than stay outside of it. Then the biggest reason of all is lack of understanding. If we understood and had clarity as to 'why' then neither fear nor desire will exist. They will fall by the way side. But because we don't have clear comprehension we are stuck.

One of the things we needs to understand is that is that none of these roles are written in stone. Everything changes. With time and place and people it all changes. No one needs to feel that they have to fit into something they don't want to. There is no need for a sense of oppression which leads to depression. Trying to play a role that one is not comfortable or don't want to is like trying to fit into a size 2 dress size when you are a 6. Or for guys trying fitting into a pair of pants a few sizes too small. How would you feel? Even if you squeeze yourself in it, because you have to, will you last long? Will you enjoy it? Can you have fun? Investigate and answer for yourself.

Another understanding is that we can be that change. We have the choices. People fear change. They fear change in themselves as much as they fear change in others. It's two sides of the same coin really. One doesn't go without the other. We alone have the choices. The execution of the choices are also ours. But what people cannot and will not wither are the consequences. Because of thise even when people have choices, they walk as if they don't. They remain puppets hung up by strings. Because making choices gives ownership and that is a scary proposition for most humans. Taking a choice is taking a stand. People are scared of taking a stand. When you take a stand you are by yourself. This removes you from the pack. People don't want this. They would rather bask in the false security of belonging to something than take a stand facing the truth that ultimately you are and will always be alone. Please don't mistake 'alone' with 'loneliness' here.

Another is that when you stretch out of desire to please others, it will somewhere down the road will exhaust you. People get frustrated, angry, feel let down, depressed because they do so much out of desire to please and find that after all what they have said and done, they are still left standing on their own. It is the most saddest and dissapointing thing of all. So, if you are going to do stuff for others be realistic and don't do it because you want to please others or out of a desire to be included or praised. Do it because it is what you genuinely want to do. Be true to yourself above all. This is the guts to stand on your own.

Another is that when you don't stretch out of fear, it stalls your own growth. I said to someone recently that people mature in their bodies but never in their minds. Humans minds stay immature as when they are in their teen years sometimes, even when they are in their 50's and 60's. Isn't that sad? This happens because we don't allow ourselves the right to grow. We constantly contain ourselves within the boundaries set for us by others. Please note that being a CEO doesn't make us emotionally mature. It only makes us live in the boundaries of society. Being a millionarire doesn't make us emotionally mature, it makes us a prisoners within the desires set by society.

So because of these things we don't develop our understanding. Because of it our understanding does not have the depth to see the role playing we do. To see why we do the role playing. Why we continue to do so despite the physical and emotional hardships that come long with it. It is very unfortunate. These are truly the ties that bind us.

I find it so fascinating. I mean I myself have done this for many years in my own life. But I have always questioned the wisdom of society as a whole and searched for a one of my own. I always believed that life was more than what it was presented to me by my elders and those around me. I always believed that there was something out there. Despite how unpopular I got, how intolerable I got and how rejected, ridiculed and reprimanded I got, I stuck to my guns, because I trusted my instincts above all. Then I was shown bits and pieces of that truth from a far away place over the last couple of years. A place I didn't think existed but I knew in my heart was there. In many ways, I felt free. It wasn't even a sense of validation. It was a sense of freedom. My heart felt an upliftment and a setting of free. Like a bird being able to finally fly away. I was finally able to fly in my own truth. A beautiful feeling of joy, wonderment, freedom and gratefulness.

I wish people could see this. Ajhan Brahm says this so well. He says that we have locked ourselves in a prison and the door of that prison is open to us at all times but we just don't want to walk out of it. I truly understand what he says. It's the most beautiful thing in the world. It's the most freeing thing in the world as well.