Role Playing is a popular adult-learning method. It gives the opportunity for people to step into the roles of others and play them so they may get a better understanding of what people in that particular role go through. For example, managers play roles of their subordinates, people in customer services play the role of their customer, so they get to feel what's it like to walk in the shoes of another. But the good thing about this type of role playing is that we know we are role playing and what type of role playing we are engaged in and that we can get out of it when the game is over.
There is another kind of role playing that we do all throughout our lives. That kind of role playing, for most of times we don't even know we do it, we don't know why we do it in the first place and most importantly we don't know that we have a choice to play or not to play. This is the role playing we do in every day of our lives as a mother, father, son, daughter, a boss, a worker, a husband, a wife, a grandmother, a grandfather, an aunt, an uncle, a granddaughter, a grandson and the list goes on and on.
Each role is played in the drama we call 'life': at different times or sometimes at the samtime. But we play them nevertheless. The society (including our loved ones) determine how these role ought to be played. There are boundaries, specifications/expectations assigned to each of these roles. As we take on each one, we have to start playing them. It's like a broadway show or a movie. You have lines and certain ways to depict your character. In the same fashion one must play the roles in life as well.
Now, some of you would argue to say that I am mistaken. That you have the right to chose and that in your roles things are not that cut and dry. My question to you is 'Really?' Please try stepping out of the boundaries, expectations set and see the reactions. What reactions would you get? So, we, humans (who are supposed to be able to have a higher thinking function and an ability to carve out their own destiny) are reduced to puppets who are made to dance according to the movements of the strings called 'roles'. Isn't that the funniest thing in the world? Actually NO! The funniest thing is that majority of us, willingly and happily dance all of our lives without much questioning.
The few who have risen to question and refused to dance have withered the storms that have filled many history books or have become sacrifical lambs. So, we dare not challenege the greater wisdom (or should I say idiocy) of society.
Why do we do role playing? I have come to understand that humans do this out of desire, fear and lack of understanding.
We role play out of wanting to belong (desire). We fear rejection. Those who have stepped out of boundaries have done so with great personal and even professional sacrifice at the given point of time. So, they gave up both fear of rejection and desire of wanting to belong. But humans in general want to feel part of a pack. We are social creatures so we need to feel a sense of belonging and we will go to great lengths to move into the circle rather than stay outside of it. Then the biggest reason of all is lack of understanding. If we understood and had clarity as to 'why' then neither fear nor desire will exist. They will fall by the way side. But because we don't have clear comprehension we are stuck.
One of the things we needs to understand is that is that none of these roles are written in stone. Everything changes. With time and place and people it all changes. No one needs to feel that they have to fit into something they don't want to. There is no need for a sense of oppression which leads to depression. Trying to play a role that one is not comfortable or don't want to is like trying to fit into a size 2 dress size when you are a 6. Or for guys trying fitting into a pair of pants a few sizes too small. How would you feel? Even if you squeeze yourself in it, because you have to, will you last long? Will you enjoy it? Can you have fun? Investigate and answer for yourself.
Another understanding is that we can be that change. We have the choices. People fear change. They fear change in themselves as much as they fear change in others. It's two sides of the same coin really. One doesn't go without the other. We alone have the choices. The execution of the choices are also ours. But what people cannot and will not wither are the consequences. Because of thise even when people have choices, they walk as if they don't. They remain puppets hung up by strings. Because making choices gives ownership and that is a scary proposition for most humans. Taking a choice is taking a stand. People are scared of taking a stand. When you take a stand you are by yourself. This removes you from the pack. People don't want this. They would rather bask in the false security of belonging to something than take a stand facing the truth that ultimately you are and will always be alone. Please don't mistake 'alone' with 'loneliness' here.
Another is that when you stretch out of desire to please others, it will somewhere down the road will exhaust you. People get frustrated, angry, feel let down, depressed because they do so much out of desire to please and find that after all what they have said and done, they are still left standing on their own. It is the most saddest and dissapointing thing of all. So, if you are going to do stuff for others be realistic and don't do it because you want to please others or out of a desire to be included or praised. Do it because it is what you genuinely want to do. Be true to yourself above all. This is the guts to stand on your own.
Another is that when you don't stretch out of fear, it stalls your own growth. I said to someone recently that people mature in their bodies but never in their minds. Humans minds stay immature as when they are in their teen years sometimes, even when they are in their 50's and 60's. Isn't that sad? This happens because we don't allow ourselves the right to grow. We constantly contain ourselves within the boundaries set for us by others. Please note that being a CEO doesn't make us emotionally mature. It only makes us live in the boundaries of society. Being a millionarire doesn't make us emotionally mature, it makes us a prisoners within the desires set by society.
So because of these things we don't develop our understanding. Because of it our understanding does not have the depth to see the role playing we do. To see why we do the role playing. Why we continue to do so despite the physical and emotional hardships that come long with it. It is very unfortunate. These are truly the ties that bind us.
I find it so fascinating. I mean I myself have done this for many years in my own life. But I have always questioned the wisdom of society as a whole and searched for a one of my own. I always believed that life was more than what it was presented to me by my elders and those around me. I always believed that there was something out there. Despite how unpopular I got, how intolerable I got and how rejected, ridiculed and reprimanded I got, I stuck to my guns, because I trusted my instincts above all. Then I was shown bits and pieces of that truth from a far away place over the last couple of years. A place I didn't think existed but I knew in my heart was there. In many ways, I felt free. It wasn't even a sense of validation. It was a sense of freedom. My heart felt an upliftment and a setting of free. Like a bird being able to finally fly away. I was finally able to fly in my own truth. A beautiful feeling of joy, wonderment, freedom and gratefulness.
I wish people could see this. Ajhan Brahm says this so well. He says that we have locked ourselves in a prison and the door of that prison is open to us at all times but we just don't want to walk out of it. I truly understand what he says. It's the most beautiful thing in the world. It's the most freeing thing in the world as well.
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