Standing Alone!

I recently realised whatever the qualities that arise in our minds cannot sustain themselves unless we give them the power to sustain. I must have done this many many times in my meditations but the realisation only hit me a few days ago. But it only hit me in regards to unwholesome qualities. Because I had an unwholesome thought in my mind at the time. It was anger. I felt the anger arising in my mind. Along with that I also had the feeling that I ought not do anything but simply watch it. Something that I have done so many times over the last few years.

However, this time as I watched the anger and as anger gradually died away, I was struck by the understanding, that when left on their own, these qualities have no strength of their own. This is something I have seen a million times over the last few years but for the first time, I realised the power of letting things be and not trying. The real kind of 'letting go'. It was a powerful lesson for me. Of course until I sat down to write this blog, I only saw as it being unique to unwholesome qualities. While there was that nagging thought in my mind that something was not quite there, it was when I sat down to write the blog that it hit me, that all qualities irrespective of the value it carried cannot last unless ones gives it the momentum.

That is such a powerful understanding.

But I also realise that that momentum, comes without our knowing in the first place. From a deep seated need to just move on. Like waves in the ocean. When the water moves closer to the shore, it breaks automatically on it's own. There is no doer, no thinker. But it happens over and over again. Just the same when a thought appears, good or bad, there is that momentum that it comes with ultimately it disappears. But our thinking and adding fuels it to continue over and over again.

Our lack of awareness too makes it impossible to see the patterns so that we can simple allow it to pass. Or to even notice the stirring so that we can let it pass without adding more ripples to it.

This is one of the most fascinating things I came to see and understand. Of course to see as it unfolds is harder. To see as it unfolds and let it simple takes it course, when it's charge with an emotion, like a tsunami breaking, is even harder. But at least now I know.

The weight of bondage

It took many years for me to realise what I felt many years ago, when I first met my then husband-to-be. Of course there was the thrill of meeting someone, the excitement of perhaps love or just simple wanting and being wanted. But I distinctly remember in the middle of it all, a huge weight slowly settling upon my heart, that was not there before.

I didn't know what it was. In fact I didn't recognise it for many years. But I only remember that there was something that didn't feel good, that seemed to land upon me overnight. It stayed with me for many years. It pulled me, pushed me around for many years. Brought me heartache, tears, endless yearning for many years. But I also recognised it as the same thing that also brought me happiness, great joy, love and comfort. So, I had to have it. There was no way that I could lose it. For if I did, I would be in utter misery.

After about 6 years of being the grip of this, I managed to get out of. It was like getting out of a prison. What freedom. Suddenly, my heart was free. The weight was lifted and I was not being pulled and pushed. The tears, heartaches, endless yearnings seemed to fall by the wayside all of a sudden. But there was one thing that was amazing in the middle of it all. I still had joy, love and comfort. This time round, it was not mixed up with all those negative emotions. This time around, these positive things tended to last much longer when the came around in my life. What a relief!

This got me thinking? What the hell happened?

Although it's been about 4 years since I've started feeling this way, it's only recently I recognised why this happend.

The burden that my heart felt all those years ago, was the burden of being bonded. The Buddha called this attachment and craving. I didn't know it consciously but somewhere deep in the recesses of my mind and heart I guess there was an inkling. Imagine that. A truth that was there all that time and I never saw it. Then when I managed to let go of that craving (perhaps the wanting to be loved, or the security of having someone or the fear of losing something) I was free. I was no longer bonded. This is the freedom Buddha spoke of all those years ago. This is the freedom I felt.

Miraculously, I still can love. I am still lovable. In fact, according to my husband, I am more lovable than I ever used to be. He also tells me that my love towards his has become less 'needy'. This is a wonderful insight.

For most part, all of us are bonded in our lives by our attachments and cravings. Love towards one another and to ourselves is the key to that bondage. It creates great suffering, distress, heartache, anger, fights in ourselves and amongst those around us. But all because we cannot separate love from craving.

Pure love does not carry with it any 'weight'. It's free. It like cotton flying in the wind. It's like a bird that can fly anywhere it wants. It frees the person that loves, and gives freedom to the person that is being loved. Neither is shackled by 'giving' or 'receiving' of that love.

But on the other hand love that has craving (and most of us who are not trained to love properly has certain amount of craving embedded in our love) carries a lot of 'weight'. It lacks freedom. It binds the person who loves as well as the person who is being loved. Both are in shackles. This love is clearly visible in all kinds of relationships. My relationships to my husband, my parents and myself had to a great extent craving embedded in them.

This creates expectations all around and when they are not met, distress, quarrels and when they are met joy. But when you drop the craving and learn to give love only, it has no expectations and then there are no distresses and quarrels and heartaches there is only joy.

Of course, I still have a long way to go but I have started my work and enjoyed it's fruits. I only realised what is really was only a few days ago. And I thought it was well worth blogging about since we all suffer from this phenomena.

Much peace and joy!

Building the house of Peace!

I was talking to my mother today morning and I shared something with her that I thought was worth writing in my blog.

We were, as always, talking about the path of liberation. My mother is very devoted to Buddha. I think she has much more faith in the Triple Gem and listens to a lot of Dhamma. She is very much versed in the Dhamma. However, she is not as well versed as she is in her practice of the Dhamma as she is in her knowledge of it.

So, I at one point of the conversation, analogised it to a foundation without a house. My mom is a person who has maintained her 5 precepts most of her life. She may have strayed from it intentionally a few times but she those times are few and rare. Keeping the 5 precepts is the foundation of all lay Buddhists. It helps to build the Noble Eightfold Path. So, I was telling my mother that she has a strong foundation but on it, there is skeletons of a house but no walls and roof.

So, if someone, builds a foundation and skeletons of walls, and they move into the house, what will happen? Can they live in it? Where will they keep their furniture? Even if they do, what will happen to them, from the cold, the sun, the heat or from thieves? They are going to be constantly harassed by outside environment elements as well as physical elements right?! Yes, of course. In order to be protected, they need to at least put up the walls, a roof and doors and windows and appropriate coverings and securings before they can sleep peacefully in the security of their home. Until then, they are going to be restless and worried.

In the same way, our peace of mind has to be build, guarded and protected. For that we cannot use wood, cement or glass or concrete. To build peace of mind we need to cultivate a spiritual path. The Buddha taught us this path. The start of this is the 5 precepts. It's like the foundation of our homes. So, we lay a strong foundation that does not wobble. Once it's done, we have to start building the house; it's walls, roof, windows, doors etc. This is done by cultivating the Noble Eightfold Path. It not done in the successive manner it's taught in the scriptures but instead it's done in a circular manner. Every little bit counts and contributes. But anything that goes against the path, also inhibits any progress we make too. It's like taking two steps forward and one step back. So, in order to move forward with speed, we have to ensure we take rapid steps in the right direction and that we don't take steps or we take less steps in the wrong direction. Otherwise we, reverse or slow down the progress.

It's like when we build a house, we must all work together towards building it. If people start falling sick, or material doesn't turn up on time, or things don't get build according to plan, or the plan is not good, work stalls. It's more or less the same thing in spiritual practice.

So, as we cultivate the Noble eightfold path we build the house and then gradually we can move into the house. To the extend it's complete, to that extent we are protected from the outside. For example, if the roof is not properly done, then the house will have leaks. In the same way, when we have not yet fully cultivated the Noble Eightfold Path, we will be disturbed by things like anger, worry, restlessness, desire, aversion, greed, sadness, misery, wanting, dislike and many other emotions that would create problems for us.

But when the house is complete just like the owners can safely rest and have a nice peaceful time inside it, when one day a person fully cultivates the Noble Eightfold Path, then that person will have total peace in their hearts. Just like no rain or heat or thieves can disturb, a person who has fully cultivated the Noble Eightfold Path will not be disturbed what goes on in the outside world. They will always be at peace in the peace of their own hearts.