Last week when I was talking to my mother, I said to her that if one loves oneself in that one is protected and by that alone one protects the other. I was fascinated with what I said because I had not consciously thought of it that way. I probably would have had some kind of an inkling but never was it so out there for me like it was when I said it out loud to her.
So I contemplated on it a bit more. How was that possible? Was it real? Could it actually happen? I mean I practice loving kindness regularly. So, in my contemplation this is what I found.
When I love myself, I am complete. I am not talking about the kind of love that the world typically talks about. The word love is used so loosely that we think, our need for another is love. Actually it's not. Real love, is one that transcends our needs. It's the kind that gives without asking. It took me a long while to understand that. Once understood, to come to terms with the fact that my love was the needy kind of one was another matter. Now that I have come to understand that, to turn it around is another thing. To learn that it might become a life long process, is another tough learning. These things take time and it's incredibly tough to unlearn something that is soo deeply rooted. One cannot uproot it in one go, hence it destroys the essence of the very being itself. But one cannot live with it because it's like a slow growing cancer. So one must work on.
So in that process, I have learnt that love is not a needy thing. It can and should exist on it's own when properly developed. That love is the love you carry in you. It enables you to stand on your own. You don't need anyone else, approval or lack of it won't crumble you to pieces or put you back together again. That doesn't mean you are like a rock either. It means you are very malleable. Like clay, playdo. You are soft to the very core, you are able to feel to the very essence of everything there is but you are never crushed. Because your love holds you up like a raft floating on water. It's a beautiful thing.
When your own love towards yourself it this strong, you don't sink. No matter what the currents are you will bob up and down but you will come back up again. You begin to understand that you will come back up again even if you go under for a while. This is your protection. So you don't become dependent upon outside things and others be it material things or humans or any other thing. The less you become dependent the more stronger your raft becomes. And less you will go under.
How does this becomes someone else's protection? Well, most people cannot even handle themselves let along protect others. We think we can but we are not equipped for it.
Think about it. When we cannot find love in ourselves, we will be constantly looking for assurances outside. If don't get it from the sources we look for, we get upset, annoyed, disappointed...and all the emotions associated with it. Here we are left in the open ocean without a steady raft. Our raft has holes. We are going to drown in our emotions. When we get upset we take communicate that to others. May not be verbally..sometimes we do but other times we do it indirectly. We become aloof, we may resort to crying, depression, coldness, resentment, bitching and many other negative things rarely positive I can assure you, unless you have love.
So, when these emotions are perceived and felt by others there is conflict. It leads to many issues. So in essence you have hurt yourself and hurt the others as well. So neither is protected because you simply cannot even protect yourself. Those who think they can hide their emotions so well, are simply lying to themselves because it's only matter of time before the volcano erupts and everybody gets drowned in the burning lava.
But when there is love in ones heart, then first of all, you can stay without getting depressed. Even if people annoy you, bother you or do whatever that you don't like, you have plenty of love within you that will uphold you. Even if you may go down for a while like the raft, you will come back up again. When you do this a few times, you know it's only a matter of time. So a kind of comfort dawns in your heart. This allows you not to react to out side things. If people are rude to you, mad at you, shout at you, you realize that you don't have to. Because you don't need them to make you feel better. You have your own internal source of comfort which allows you to dig in.
So, people are not going to get usual reactions from you. you don't becomes a person who adds fuel to the fire in the least. This is the protection that you provide to others. You may not give intentional loving-kindness but in not reacting you create a space for silence to exist. In that there is time for others to clam down, if that could happen. Even if not, you have given yourself the space to enjoy a warm embrace of love that you have within your own self.
Isn't that a marvellous thing. In this world, where we are in constant search of things, outside, we don't have to run around like chicken with their heads cut off instead we can just be here with out own selves and be comforted in the presence of our own sense of well-being. I feel this is highest gift one can give oneself. In that you can give so much so the world.
