How we see things makes our reality

I was in a terrible mood today. It was on from yesterday evening. Like clouds gathering in the horizon, getting ready for a storm. I could feel the negativity gathering inside waiting to explode and it did. It was still around when I woke up. The confusion, miserable feeling, felling of being down and feeling like I wanted to pick on something or someone. It's like having an itch that I didn't know where to scratch to get rid of it. So I felt frustrated, restless and moody.

But I did sit down for meditation. I know it was going to be a challenge. I could not focus on anything cause I was feeling unhappy, angry and simply felt like I waned to scream. As I sat on the chair skimming through the emotions there were moments of happiness and light that kept coming in and going out. It was interesting. I like it just as much as I didn't like my negative emotions, dark miserable pain spots.

I tried to look at why. Then I realized that my dark spots made me out of control as if things were falling apart around me, while I sat not being able to exert any control. Anything I did, if I did, was only aggravating the mood I was already in. Things get pulled in from all directions only to fuel the raging fire.

But when I felt even remotely okay I felt happy and in control. Everything seem to be smooth. There was no fighting. No need to feel like I wanted to scream out or scratch our my eyes. Things were clam. I didn't have to or needed to change anything. I kept looking at what was happening. Was it my ego crashing? Was it my ego wanting exert control?

Then suddenly it hit me out of nowhere, that it was simply the nature of things. The impermanence of it all. I cannot always be happy, it too ends. Then unhappiness arrives. But that too does not last long. It changes back to happiness. What causes my problem is my own views, reactions and thoughts on each one of them.

I think I should be happy. Its good for me and everyone else. I don't want to be unhappy. I don't think its good. But no matter what I think, its not true. Both these states are part of me. Its like the seasons. No matter how much I like or don't like winter, it's going to come. Its part of nature. If I dislike winter, then I can have a miserable time during that season. If I like it then I will be happy. But how happy or now happy I am is not dictated by the seasons. Its dictated by my view of it.

Its the same with my emotions. I view my happy moods as good and unhappy moods as bad.  But irrespective of how I feel about them, they are going to come. But I can change my view of them. I don't have to be so repulsed by one and so taken up by the other. What determines how I go through them is my views and my likes and dislikes. If I could simply let go of my views then neither type of emotions and moods can have a controlling effect on me. So my emotional world will be in harmony not in turmoil.

Kamma

One of the key tenets of Buddhism is Kamma. Basically it's consequences of your actions, words and thoughts. Yes, each of these forms can reap consequences. Last night at the meditation group sitting, we had a discussion about Kamma. Kamma is not something you can wrap your head around with ease....in fact the Buddha had specifically said not to try to figure it out, because it is not within our capabilities. It was interesting listening to different opinions and views of people about Kamma. No one could put a finger to it but they were trying anyway. 

I think there is a controller in all of us. We would like to know wouldn't we? One of the meditators said, he thought of Kamma as a formula. From the way he expressed himself I gathered that he felt there should be direct consequences for actions. But also felt that depending on the severity of what he did, the consequences ought to change accordingly in its severity also. It was interesting to listen to. At the end he said that he would like to see it as a law but probably he should not do that, because he could not arrive at a conclusion as to how to figure out the possible consequences he might have to face for the things he had said and done in the past. He felt it was not as straightforward as how a law would be carried out and punishments dealt out. 

First of all I want to be very clear about something. Nowhere in Buddhism there is a concept of punishment. We can never be subject to punishment cause there is no one to carry it out. The ownership is on the individual. So worse we can do is, have guilt and resentment for our past and fear and apprehension for the future. The Buddha did not encourage either of those behaviors. In Buddism, anything is forgivable and should be, to ease our own burdens. Then the other thing is that Kamma is a law. But it's not a law written by someone or proclaimed by someone. The Buddha simply stated what was there in nature. He simply noticed how things unfolded and told us that it was there. He did not invent it. 

So if Kamma is the law of nature, then trying to figure it out does not make sense, cause none of us has been able to make sense of nature. Why things happen the way they happen, when and where and how often. It's not yet within our grasp. I felt the same about Kamma. It is a law and we are subjected to it but we don't know the rules. I find that fascinating. Something Ajhan Brahm always says is "relax, everything is out of control". I feel how profound his statement is considering what I recognized. 

We all want to know. So we would like to believe that Kamma happens in a predictable way. If we could think like this, we could come to a place where we can see what we might and might not face in our own lives now and in the future. Wouldn't that be comforting? I realize that like everything else, the ego needs support, a sense of predictability so that it can have a sense of continuity in the safest way possible. But this cannot happen. Because Kamma cannot be easily explained or projected. But the human mind would want to somehow figure it out. Its the nature of all living being.

I realized the gentlemen who was voicing his frustrations probably didn't know or recognized any of this. But I was really looking at myself. I like to know things and feel that things are somewhat predictable...if they cannot be predicted I'd like to, at least, have the sense that things are going to be okay. If there are warning signs I immediately take remedial action. I felt Kamma posed a similar challenge. But it's not something I can figure out no matter how scary, frustrated I feel about it. It's truly not within our control.

Then I realized that in it, is our lesson from the Buddha. Because we cannot predict and explain why and why not things happen, when they happen and all that, we at some point ought to drop if off of our minds. Just like Ajhan says. 

Now I have a trip coming up. I am going to practice this as much as I can without having to be crazy about having things so perfectly in the best  possible way. Today morning I felt a little tingling sensation in my back and I could immediately see my red lights going off. The projects of my mind as to how to handle a back problem. But nothing has even begun. But this is how it is. 

Trying to live in the moment with a sense of ease without having everything figured out is something that I have been trying for sometime. Like all other things, it comes and goes. There are times that I can drop it and get on with ease and there other times that I cannot and simply become a ball of knots. Now that what has been in my awareness and thoughts are written out and elaborated I hope my mind will find it easier to drop things off and rest in peace. 

Fear is all consuming

It was only a few weeks ago that the Paris terrorist attacks happened. It was awful. In the wake of it, people continue to go about their business but in fear. Soon after the attacks, the media spread quite a lot of fear in their coverage of the news. It was like putting fuel into a roaring fire. I was angered at the attacks and wanted revenge upon those who would carry out such a violent act of crime. At first I let my emotions and the anger and fear let out by people wash over me. I can see my anger flaring and my thirst for revenge in the form of justice and freedom take over my heart. 

Then after a few days I calmed down. I began to ponder over the events and what would happen if I too became that fuel in the fire. Then I started to recognize that there is only one way we can come out of such a tragedy no matter where it happens. That way is through love and endurance. I recognized that if we are to take a path other than love and endurance we simply become what we want to eradicate. In the name of justice we become the perpetrators. That to me was not an option. I hope those who read my blog would recognize the nature of our deepest desires and not let emotions overwhelm them. Not let our logic dictates to us to do the very thing that we seek to destroy. Instead to look into our hearts and love and endure as we should do in the name of being a "Human".

Fear is a powerful weapon. But one that is like a double-edged sword. It has the power to destroy both sides. But fear is also what has kept us alive and on top of the food chain for eons. Its a primitive force that seeks to survive even at its own peril. It is also an illusion. But it can gather so much momentum that it always takes its own form. Therefore the fact that its an illusion tends to lose its argument pretty fast. But over the years in meditation I have found out that it is an illusion. But one that has so much power that it can take complete possess of our very being and drive us to do things unimaginable. 

Fear also gives rise to emotions such as anger, revenge, jealousy, resentment, hatred. Fear arises when one feels a sense of threat to ones self and sense of well-being. But fear is a response to an object-internal or external. I will call it a defense mechanism. It has a sense of logic to it. It seems rational but its like a mirage. Promises a lot but cannot deliver cause it has no existence other than in how we respond to it. 

I am always amazed at this. Even though I know, vaguely I might say, that this is true, my actions and words at times can be completely under its tight grip. 

Every terrorist is under the grip of fear. It is fear that makes us want to impose ourselves over others, oppressing others. This is not only in terrorists. If we are honest within ourselves there is a little of this in each one of us. We want to conquer and leave our mark, no matter how big or small. If this is threatened we will fight for it. This is the very simple explanation I can see for all terror activities whether its the Paris attacks or a husband beating his wife. At the bottom of it is fear of not being able to stay in control. 

After the attacks, the news media and social media and every other person was also in the grip of fear. It was fulled by speculation and fact. But at the end of the day people were driven into the arms of fear. When we are in fear, we will lose all sense. We only see it as a fight or flight response. In this day and age, only a few will seek to flight. We will find ways to fight it one way or another. The more we have the intention to fight, the more we will. When one fights it triggers a response similar to that in the other person,  unless that other person is in a deeply spiritual place. So the chain effect unfolds. This is why I recognized that we cannot fight this with more anger and more fear. There has to be a point when we let it go. 

When fear is no more, we can breath. Our backs are no longer to the wall and we don't feel like we have to fight and go out with all guns blazing. It is only at such a time that we can love and endure. I believe Ghandis' doctrine was something similar. It will take much more effort to love and endure. It certainly is not the quick and easy way out. But it is the only sure way out. In a world where we are so driven by 'quick and fast', enduring and love seem like a crazy idea. It is also our nemesis. Because the more we see it as crazy and the more we cannot endure the more we can be driven to the point of violence in ourselves. 

This is what the terrorist hope for. They want us to fight back. Without that they will with time lose momentum. They will lose their fame and following. But it will take time. However that will be the sure path. If we succumb to their fighting with more fighting, then we hand them over free reins to what they do. They then will have a real cause to fight for. I don't think we should do that. For the our sake and for the sake of the well being of all of us and the future of this world. 

I hope leaders in this world will see this and will be in a place to tell their people the right path to take. More than that my hope is each one of us will see the trap this can create for our long term well being and allow themselves the freedom to love and endure.

Seasons of my body

I love the changing seasons. It's something to look forward to. A change in the scenery. My favorite seasons are fall and winter. Fall colors are magnificent. So is the cool air that comes with it. Winter is pure. I love snow and how it makes everything looks so clean. I was driving to work one day, admiring the myriad of fall colors, when it hit me that life too has its own seasons. I was really looking at myself. 

I turned 40 this year. I certainly feel the youth in me fading away slowly but surely. My body is losing its flexibility. Flexibility to bounce back into shape quickly, to recover from illness: aches and pains are more pronounced than I can remember, digestion has slowed down incredibly. I feel that my body has entered its fall season. To be honest, my body has not been shy about showing signs of the aging process. My mind has struggled with it quite a lot. During the last few years I have had a number of chronic ailments, in addition to all the other issues. My mind is struggling to deal with it. I find myself questioning, "why do I get so much illness when I am still young?" I suppose one never comes to terms with ones aging process?! I don't know. Only time will show me.

But on this day as I was driving the feeling that I got was very strong. I realized that my body is going through it's seasons. It's definitely entered it's fall. Then I realized how much I loved fall and winter. I love the change in the air from warm to cool...there is a crispness that I love in fall air. Then the leaves turn color. Boy do I love that! Then the winds blow the leaves and the rains wash it. That day all that seemed very much related to what my body seem to be going through. 

I feel a slowing down...a cooling down in my body. Strength is withering away so is health. Bodily process are slowing and cooling down. But I am fighting it. I don't feel that this is something enjoyable. I find it an inconvenience. But why? I asked myself that day. I love fall so much. Even though it seems beautiful, the colors of the leaves symbolizes a dying process. The leaves have lost its ability to absorb light to keep it green. So its decaying. That process gives rise to myriad of colors we see in fall. And I cherish it and wait for it year after year. But for some reason I do not seem to accept my bodies changes with such gladness in my heart.

It's hard for me to write this blog. As I am writing, I am also crying. There is pain. Sadness of losing something. Of not being able to do the things that I have once done and the way I have done them and the frequency with which I have done them. I find that I despise this process within me. But as I was driving that day, I knew it was no different to fall. It's the changing nature of life. Nature moves and it goes on and on bringing with it a change, a new phase. The definition we give to it, defines how we feel about it. I love winter but most people here dislike it very much. I find winter to be pure and clean while others see it as cold and dark. So our perceptions will determine how we react to seasons. 

In the world we live in, aging isn't looked as well. All signs of aging is hidden and denied. We no loner live in a world where aging is embraced as part of life. Perhaps my struggles stem from it. I do not know but I know the difficulties is presents, are not that fun to embrace. But then I realized that this is part of life and life is nature. If I love fall and embrace it so fully, should I not do the same with my body? 

For me, old age and death resembles winter. Once again I am forced to question my struggles with it. I love winter. But I see that in the depths of my heart there is resentment and fear towards old age and death. There is something mysterious about it that I find myself fearing. Once again I compared my body to nature. Winter is a time when all seem to stop. It's cold and dark and devoid of life. But is it really? When I look at winter, I feel a sense of rejoicing. It's a celebration. I have always felt that way. Winter paves way to new life; spring. While it looks devoid of life, life itself carries on even in the thick of winters. It's dormant and may not seem so out there but it still continues in a very quiet, resilient way.

When I looked at my body and the aging and dying process, I realized that nothing ever stops completely. My body will age and die someday....but the mind, the thinking energy will carry on. In physics we learn that energy never disappears but rather transforms itself to a new way of existence. I, for some reason, feel that this is true. We need enormous amount of energy to live and to do what we do on a day to day basis. Our thoughts dictate our behaviors. Our thoughts are waves of energy in the absence of a body. So even in death, it has to continue. It can be nullified by an energy force equal to its force but charged with an opposite energy. 

So, getting old and dying are mere terms we use to make sense of the world we live in and what happens to us. But in truth we continue. I will not continue as 'Anosha' because it's attached to a physical existence but I will continue as am energy form, with no definition and name until it takes form again. 

Why must I fear that? I wish I knew. But I know in the depths of me there is a fear of loss. When I really think about it, I find that I am scared of losing myself. Not being able to know and exist the way I know now. In the form of 'Anosha' and a 'good' version of it. 

This is where I end my blog. I have no answers to my own questions. My blog is a mere elaboration of my own thinking and feelings. I do not know how to make sense of it yet. But it feels enormously good to have written down my thoughts. It's now December and this has been in my mind for almost two months and finally I pen it down. Maybe someday it will all make sense but for now I will leave my worries and fears out in my blog. 

Freedom

My friend Keith is still continuing to move forward in his journey, even though its at a much slower pace than before. The light is fading for sure. He seemed to have come to terms with his situation and made peace. 

He is always happy to see me. My visits seemed to be his highlight of the week. During my last visit to him I realized that he may have developed very strong feelings towards me and how I make him feel.

At the start of the visit we continued to talk as usual and at some point in our conversation he said he was sad. When I asked him why, he said because "You are taken". I can be pretty naive at times and also out of respect I did ask him to clarify his statement further. It was then that I realize he was talking about me being married. It was as if he was regretting that and also the fact that I was very much younger to him, which according to him, was a barrier for him to be with me. Now, I understand people can develop feelings for others, especially in the situation that he is in, with no family or close friends. Our friendship over the last 6 months must have become one of the most if not the only close friendship he has had with anyone in a long time. He has shared so much about his life that at times I feel like I have known him for many many years. He must have a sense close to that or he likes the fact that someone is listening and talking to him with all ears and with genuineness. He has said many times how kind I was to him.  

I am kind to people in general for the most part. It is who I am and I find it easier to be kind than otherwise. To make me unkind takes a lot of crap and even then I will simply move away rather than show my sentiments and fight. But Keith may have developed such an affiliation to it, that he may think he feels more than he ought to.

Now this is a man, who has lived freely all of his life. When I was reading his blog, I felt that he lived according to his own terms for better or for worse and that he moved with the tide for the most part and that he seemed to have little dissatisfaction in general other than when he could not get his own way. I told him how wonderful it is to live life like that. With ease and freedom. 

Then he told me about his feelings towards me. They kind of bordered on fantasy and romance and a genuine need to be loved and love. But I realized none of those sentiments it was helping him or bringing him much peace. He was obviously not happy because he wanted something he knew he could not have. 

He wanted to hold me and I let him or a while. Also I was quite confused as to what to say and do. I suppose somewhere between being held and wanting to flee, I gathered my senses. I had enough sense to tell him as gently as possible that he might be wasting his time, of which only a little remained. I also had enough recollection of our previous conversation to tell him that, it was not time for him to create a bond. He had lived his life free from any person, relationship and even death. He did tell me that he overcame of fear of death many many years ago. So in the light of all that, I told him it was not worth his while to form a bond, an attachment to me and how he feels about me. It will only imprison him. He was not prepared to come to terms with as I was saying it but I thought considering how thoughtful and deep thinking he was, he will later on ponder on it, unless of course his memory failed him. 

He was emotional. I could see how close he was to breaking down when I said, "you were simply prodding on when you met me. Then you asked me to come on a journey with you. I am and will be here but at some point you are going to have to leave me and trod along yourself". I told him that I did not want him to feel sad when that time comes. That I did not want him to feel as if he was missing something. Up to this point the only thing he has ever spoken of missing was his father who is long dead.

It was a very spontaneous conversation from my part. I had no idea he was going to put it all out there leaving me uncertain as to how to deal with him in the light of it. But considering it all, I think I told him what he needed to hear. Whether he wanted to or not was a different thing all together but I wanted him to come to terms with the fact that what he felt even though was real should not get  in his was of dying peacefully. 

The whole situation made me think of much. But mostly about how difficult it is for us to feel alone, not to be loved and even when we are loved how difficult it gets to let it go. Either way you lose. Feeling of not having someone in your corner or someone to love and have that returned is not a good feeling, but it seems neither is the opposite of it. Because both situations create our hearts to be in a prison. When there is no love, you are a prison of not being loved and having no one to love but on the other hand when you are loved you are a prisoner of being loved and having to leave someone whom you love. Isn't life an irony?! 

There must be a balance somewhere. Where irrespective of what you have and not have you can be in peace. Would that not be wonderful? I kept thinking about it but I have no answers yet. I feel it's a question to which I ought to find an answer, I think many issues within myself could be put to rest if I could only do that. 

Seeing Beyond

I have always been proud of my ability to read people. Those who know me well, will attest to that as well. But whether others agree or not, this is something I have knows about myself. My ability to recognize people for the most part very accurately, has made my life much easier and less of problems. It`s an intuitive awareness but it may have been sharpened by my studies in Psychology and later on as a result of meditative practices. 

When I look at someone I can go beyond who they are and the titles they carry. It seems to me that my awareness can rise beyond the tags we attach to people. Whether we like or not, we live most of our lives and our thinking, framed by what we are taught, we learn in our younger years, people we surround ourselves with, the bigger society we belong to and the values and labels associated with individuals. For as long as I can remember, I have gone beyond these frames. Whether it was my father, mother, relatives, siblings or friends I have had less loyalty to those definitions and values places by society and are encouraged to have by those around you, so that I can see the person. 

Let me explain myself.

In the culture I grew up in, it is impressed upon by our parents and elders and society that we respect those who are older to us. The rationality being that they have more experiences and more knowledgeable than someone younger, therefore those who are younger can benefit by listening to them and respecting what they know. I do not believe in this for my own experiences with my aunts and uncles, in my younger years, have shown that just because people are older to us by the number of years that they have lived, they are not capable of teaching the young ones of something worthy of listening and something worthy of trying to live up to. 

I saw the same with my father. Unfortunately, I had very little respect for who he was and what he stood for. For me what he told us were simply words that carried little weight. So, my nature inherently was to grow up questioning things around me. I was never cynical and to this date I am not. But I do question things and people, if what they say and do don`t match up. 

It did not matter who they were as in older or younger, or titles they held, parent, grandparent, boss, friend, I always took them for what they showed themselves as. Therefore titles, labels did very little in how I saw people and how I approached them. Therefore my relationship to most people was not congruent of the society I grew up in. Most did not like it and still don`t. Unlike in the UK, US or Canada, Asian countries seek people to confirm to the ways of thinking and expectations of society and those in it. I did little of that. The little I confirmed was because it was what I wanted. 

People did not like it much especially if it was not beneficial to them. Of course the punishments that are conferred to those who go against such norms were naturally placed upon me. But I never really felt it nor could they use them to tame me either. I once realized that how frustrated my supervisors were because of my  ability and lack of fear of standing my ground. But they did not fire me because I was good at what I was doing and I never put myself or the organizations I worked in trouble. In fact it was the opposite. 

But this ability became my own nemesis at a point of time in my life. I was good at seeing others. But that made me very judgmental. I had an attitude of being better than everyone else because I thought I could see them and that in itself became my attitude.

It was much later that I started my practice of meditation. During the last eight years of my practice I have mellowed quite a bit. I have become less judgmental. That is not to say that I cannot see beyond the labels and tags and frames of society, nor does it mean that I ignore them, but for me its a way to see things for what they are but not to get entangled in them. Its was to not fight with things but to leave them as they they and go my merry way, unless I am required to do something. 

More than any of the reasons mentioned above, the greatest is being able to see myself beyond the frames, titles, labels imposed upon myself. I realize that the reasons why I am able to observe people beyond their labels, titles is because each individual lives within a world of his or her own. If others do that then it must be same to me. I must live within my own world with its own unique labels, definitions, frames. This was the turning point for me. 

When I started investigating my own labels etc I realized that I was confirming to some of those myself. I was living in a little cell. The worst was that I was in my cell judging and laughing at others who live in their cells. What was the difference. I did not want to be living in my cell just to be an expert at understanding the other person and their little prison. Whether they marched up and down the cell in the morning or afternoon, whether the cell was big or small and all the rest...this is an analogy to explain me reading people. 

I realized that perhaps I ought to shift the focus on my cell and what I did within it. When I started doing this, to my surprise I found that I too confirm to ways and expectations of society. From what studies to do, to what college to go, to which job I did and what company I worked for, how I dressed, whether I had a boyfriend, whether I was married, what kind of a wife I was to many things....basically my entire life. I realized that there was little difference from me to the others although for a while I thought I was above most of them.

Then I started to investigate what makes us confirm to these things. It is when I started investigating the reasons as to why we want to be labelled, need to have a definition that was accepted, I played the part that was given to me, that I realized how to get over them. 

I have changed much over the years. I still pose a challenge for those around me because of my unconventional thinking and behavior but this is not purely because I am questioning every tom, dick and harry. But its because I am questioning myself. I realize that I can change and that is okay. That we need not confirm to things unless that is what I want and it makes sense to me and my own development and well being. My motives to being different is not to fan my own feathers so to speak but to bring about a sense of ease and peace within myself. 

Each one of us have expectations of our own selves. We define who we are. We give importance to certain parts of ourselves and less to other parts. We like certain things about ourselves and dislike other things. We feel comfortable with certain parts and things about ourselves and less comfortable with others. We have a need to be accepted and cherished and loved by those closer to us and by larger society. We need to receive a sense of value for our contributions. All of these things and more, are our own cells, frames and boundaries. 

When I questioned myself, I asked why must I have frames and boundaries for myself to begin with. I realize to the degree of the views, affirmations of myself to that degree I will behave and operate in. But what about what I cannot see and or don`t want to see. I realize that I must go beyond. 

The more I did this the more free I felt. This was not and still is not an easy journey for me. This also does not mean that I live in a way that is harmful to myself and others around me. Quite the opposite really. 

I have found that the more I lessen myself of these boundaries the more free I become but it also comes with a lot of accountability towards own self. Therefore I am disciplined by my own freedom..I`m sure that sounds like a contradiction but as ironic as that sounds, that is exactly what it is. I have so much accountability towards myself that I don`t waste the time I have anymore. 

I don`t work except for about 10 hours of volunteer work I do. So quite frankly I ought to be very up to date about all the reality TV shows, news, whats happening to my friends and relatives and sleeping plenty. But I don`t have time for much of it. I am busy with myself. I meditate almost everyday for an hour. I do exercise on a daily basis. I read a lot. I contemplate and watch my thoughts so that I have little time to engage in fantasies and thoughts of future and past. I spent little time grappling with things that I cannot control but wold love to have the illusion of doing so. I keep a blog. I cook very inventively. Play the piano and teach myself new songs. And when there is nothing to do, I do nothing at times and if not then I will watch some TV. 

So see beyond myself has been a revelation and a transformation. My work is not yet finished. I believe I will do so until my last breath. But I have also never felt the level of meaning of my own life and the worth of my life as I feel it now. I feel a sense of accomplishment, joy and a sense of well being I have never felt before even when I was at the peak of my career earning lost of money with praise from society and those around me. I don`t have people cheering me on from every corner and praising me what a great job I do. But I feel it in my heart from deep within. Although I won`t go as far as to say that the external acknowledgements aren`t completely important to me as of now, I find that I expect it less and in the absence of it I don`t feel sad or isolated. I feel more connected than ever before.

Again I want to state that this has been a journey of eight years and I am not finished. It`s evolving as I write my blog. Even I am curious as to how it will evolve in the future. The journey beyond myself is the most fascinating journey I have ever undertaken, it is also the most time consuming and slow journey of all, reading myself is the hardest and digging deep through self imposed and self accepted barriers is the hardest of all. But it is also the most educating, most transforming and most rewarding journey of all. I intend to continue it. 

Lessons from Cecil the Lion

A few weeks ago, Cecil the lion was killed by a hunter. Cecil was a lion in an African National park. He was shot and killed by an American recreational hunter. Cecil was 13 years old. There have been international media attention over the killing and outrage from people, conservationists and politicians all over the world. The man who killed the lion is also under heavy criticism and attack by the media and the public.

I am not a wild life conservationist but having said that I am for conserving life, period. It was indeed very sad to hear such a magnificent animal being hunted for pleasure. I do not believe in hunting anything for a sport, so yes I was greatly saddened by his death. 

But then again we live in a time where killing, whether it is for fun or for sheer anger and frustration or for mental illness, is prevalent. It also does not seem to matter whether we kill animals or human beings. Shootings in public places, schools, theaters seem to have gone up rapidly purely from what is seen in the news media. Wars erupt and bombs go off like mushrooms all over the world. Life does not seem to hold much value anymore.

This is not the first time a precious wild life animal was killed for fun or for money. Many animals are killed everyday for sport be it as small as a fish or as large as a lion. Animals are also killed for money. In the same breath, human beings are killed everyday as well. Irrespective of the reasons human beings are killed at the hands of other human beings on a daily basis.

It is wonderful that there is such an outrage towards killing of an innocent animal. We need to speak up. There is much media attention and outrage when mass destruction on human lives happen anywhere in the world through shootings or bombs or any kind of violence. But I find that like anything else, we cry out for a while and when the dust settles people get on with their normal lives, until one day something similar happens again. 

Talking about these incidents and drawing media attention alone isn`t enough. We need to take accountability towards these deaths. When we talk about accountability we usually leave it to our governments, politicians, church, or human and animal rights group...but we never stop to think, perhaps the accountability lie in each individual. Oh no...that would be too close for comfort, wouldn`t itÉ

It seems that we live in a time where we put little value on lives. Be it humans or animals or any other living being of any kind. I am sure people would want to disagree with me on this. But if we look deep within and when it comes down to it, we are good talkers and sympathizers. As long as the dead person is not mine we don`t have a need to stand up an take stance. Do something. 

It is ironic that in the US the constitution itself gives the freedom to people to bear arms for self protection, when in fact it is the single most reasons why so many human lives are destroyed every year. I understand we need to protect ourselves from danger and harm but there are many alternatives for self protection other than bearing a weapon.I have also found that in many countries wild life hunting is a sport. I personally know of someone who goes goose hunting. The justification is that, they have permits to kill them because of over population. It`s an act of balancing! We are good at waging war, in the premise, that it is to protect innocent lives. But in a war there is little time to figure out who is innocent and who is not. 

When we pardon any kind of killing of beings, we create in our mind a habit. A habit to lessen the value of lives of certain beings be it animals or humans. Who gives you the right to assign a value over someone else`s life. 

Life and living is precious to all. 

It does not matter whether it is human, a lion, a goose or a wasp. For Cecil, his life was precious. He wanted to live his life just as much as you and I want to live our lives. Then why is it that we cannot apply the same rule to all other beings. 

In the US I have seen many people grieve over their loved ones deaths over shootings. But they will not for a moment think about giving up their guns. I see Muslim women and men cry over their dead children in the war zones but yet, they themselves will carry bombs or support terrorist groups that kill others children. I see people killing animals for sport and not think how they would feel if their family dog or cat were to be hunted down. 

We need to take accountability for each of ourselves. We are good at getting together to protest a killing or a bomb but once we go home, we dare not throw away that gun in our closet. We dare not think, how would I feel if my own mother, father, child, sister, brother, wife or husband were to be killed in this mannerÉ We think very narrowly, so it serves our purpose. It gets the job done for me, so I will continue to live that way. But what we forget is that if each one of us thought that way, we will not be able to go out and about in life like the way we do. We take much for granted and until it is taken away from us we cannot fathom the danger we create in our lives and in society due to our own inaction. 

It great to mourn Cecil. It`s great to fight for the injustice of it. But let us take Ceicil away and put ourselves in front of that gun or bomb. Then what would you doÉ Do you want people to protest once the gun goes off or do you want them to do something before it doesÉ