Life is Endurance

Strength of a life depends not on its length, health, gains, successes....it’s strength lies in its ability to endure. Wow!!

Endure through it’s ebbs and flows, hills and valleys, good and the bad, happiness and u happiness, successes and failures, tragedies, haeqrbreaks, triumphs, losses, gains all of it. Cause all that is life. No matter the situation,no matter who we are with, no matter how we feel and what we experience they all fall into any one of the buckets that wrote above and there are more. Actually let me correct that. The Buddha outlined them in his first sermon very clearly.

The reason why it seems hard, unfair, overwhelming is cause one cannot endure through it all. We don’t have enough cushioning around our hearts to endure through it all....isn’t that incredible?! Is this the answer to my questions earlier?! Maybe

Endurance can only be done through kindness and understanding for the suffering we all face including myself. Fighting, judging, anger is like fuel in a fire. It creates such a blaze and it burns everything down and that is not endurance. Endurance is more subtle and clam and gently and long lasting and time taking.

What is the meaning of life?

Almost 10 years ago I asked Ajahn Vayama what is the meaning of life. Her answer was so very simple. She said “it is to be a bit more beautiful each day”. I don’t think I understood her answer and 10 years later I am unsure that I do so either. 

I have tried to give my best and be my best as much as I can. I am sure we all do to the degree that is possible. But yet there is no end to it. When I say an end it it I mean there is never a quietening of the noise that’s constantly present. It’s like a roaring thundering fall. Is that what life is? A constant roaring thundering waterfall? Or does it have those times when it’s quiet and slow and gentle?

As I’m typing this I find answer to my own question. Yes it has all. Like the mighty Victoria falls has its peaks and lows so does life. Then why am I feel unease, maybe even confused or perhaps I am tightened?! Of what I ask? I wonder

Am I scare of the roaring thunderous flow of life? Or is it the never ending seasons of highs and lows. Why do u seem to struggle with it? What am I not seeing over and over agin?

There are times it feels so overwhelming and today feels like that for whatever the reason. I am 35000 feet above ground on a plane flying from Florida to Chicago and I am in pain? Confusion? Fear? Or perhaps a a mixture of all of that?! And I don’t know why...

Maybe I will never know or maybe it’s not to be figured. Maybe it’s this flux that I have to learn to comfortable with?!...the very thing that puts me at dis-lease over and over again. I don’t know how....

Every time I get on a plane it makes me think of life. At some level I relate a plane journey to life journey. Once you are onboard you are in for the ride no matter what. It might be smooth, it might be turbulent, it might be short or long or comfortable or uncomfortable...nevertheless you are in it and you move forward.

Somehow I see life to be like that. You have to move forward and onwards. I find that in life exhausting at times. I find plane journeys exhausting at times too. What do I do? How do I respond to it? I don’t seem to have an answer....somehow that is scary?! Is that what I feel?!

Is it the not knowing and not knowing how to respond or how to face things that’s making it all so overwhelming?! I wonder...I think there is some truth there. What am I scare of? The finalities, what ifs, how tos....what’s the point anyways...don’t things happen whether you like them or not or whether you want them or not? So then why worry?

I remember Ajahn Brahm saying no matter what you can be kind. Am I lacking in that department? Don’t I have the cushioning to withstand the bumps of the ride of life? Is that it? Or is it that I don’t have sufficient understanding? Or perhaps it’s a mixture of both?! Or is it my wanting to control? Is it my controlling nature that’s pushing me and egging me to have these fears because I cannot control enough or long enough to make things as smooth as I want it to me. Or am I controlling because I don’t have the understanding and the kindness to withstand and face me accept all that is different and changing...the ebbs and flows? The constant flux of life...

I hope for clarification. I yearn for clarification or some form of illumination within me....

Is life fair?

Good question. I am not sure. What do you think? 

Over the years I used to moan and grumble about things as being unfair or life as being unfair to me or even as being unfair to me when things don't go my way or they don't work out or go wrong...for me. But I don't remember complaining or grumbling when things work out for me, or when people are good to me or when things work out for me...do you do that as well? Probably! But I know I do and I know great many people do as well. 

So then is it the thing that is happening to us in a way that we perceive to be unfair, unjust, awful that makes us feel lousy or is it our perception/experience of it and vice versa? I think its more of the latter. I think it's a hard one to digest. Even for me as someone who has a strong inclination towards Karma and its forces, I still find it hard to accept things as they are. 

I mean look at a simple thing like the weather. It's winter here and it's been long one and harsh one to some degree. So last weekend we met this couple and the woman was not happy that winter had lasted this long. She's waiting for the spring. Now on the other hand I had a great winter. Now was that because 'winter' was different to each one of us or was it because our experiences and perceptions of winter was different? I think the latter. I mean winter is winter no matter which way we slice it right?

Then I look at the relationship I have with my mother-in-law. Very sour...I don't like her and she doesn't like me. Now my husband is the only common thread between us...if not we probably won't even cross each others paths or even if we did, we might steer clear from each other. But my husband loves both of us tremendously. He love his mom and I know he loves me much too. So Is it that she is bad or I am bad? Or we aren't lovable people? No its the perception and the experiences. At least that's my explanation of it for now at least. 

Isn't that crazy?

Sometimes we use these experiences, especially the negative ones, to say that life is unfair. Life in unfair because winter happens to be so long and harsh for someone of; life is unfair because I have a mother-in-law that I don't get along with, life is unfair because I don't have the job I like or the boss who is good, life is unfair because I have chronic pain, cancer, illness, life is unfair cause I have stupid children, or abusive husband or a cheating wife and it goes on and on and on.....I mean isn't that the case for all of us at some points in our lives. 

I used to watch quite a few wildlife movies and it's sad to see how animals are killed as prey by their predators. Then there was a scene a baby elephant died because of drought and it was hard to watch. In another one emperor penguins got stuck in a valley after a winter storm and they had to leave their chicks to die to save themselves and those who didn't died, until humans intervened to same the remaining. I said 'unfair'...or is it? I mean after all that's how things are supposed to be...circle of life and survival of the fittest, right? 

Then I watch trees and leaves and lakes and oceans change from season to season...the transformations are stark. Trees grown flourish in spring and summer, only to wither and shed and enter a long hibernation in winter months...then lakes freeze or dry out in some parts of the world. Some species go extinct only for us to discover brand new ones in the depth of the ocean or in a deep tropical forest....but they don't complain. No one says that's unfair. It seems there is an acceptance that, that's how it is. 

Perhaps this is the missing part in our lives. Humans by nature are willful and want to control, change and adjust their lives, surroundings to the way they see fit. It's great if we can do that all the time. But we can't. Time and time again we are shown how much we are not in control. Yet some how we forget it or we fail to accept it. We want to assert ourselves over things. Invariable this brings us discomfort...along with that thoughts of 'life is unfair'....

I think we need to change our way of perceiving and experiencing things. I mean my teacher Ajahn Brahm says change the attitude. He says that about all most all things, I should say. There was a time it used to sound crazy to me. But there was also a time I was desperate. So I listened to him cause he was a wise old monk. And as I changed I realized that life because an easier experience for me. It wasn't that things changed all of a sudden. They are for the most part very much the same. 

I mean my mother-in-law hasn't changed. She is who she is. I don't meet her. But there was a time even the thought of her drove me insane and my blood rushed through my veins and if I heard her voice I'd get an anxiety attack. But it's much better now. So I must have changed somewhere, even if it's an only a small change. 

I think we can all change how we perceive and experience things. I feel that life would start to fee like less of a burden and gruesome space if we do so. I must say this transformation hasn't come about easily and there are great many things I have to change my attitude about but it's a start. It's a movie the right direction. 

So I think in somewhere in my mind and hear I feel that life is fair. It is what it is...there are somethings that we cannot change no matter how much we want to. But what we can change is our perception, experience of it by changing our views of it. I think that's an easier thing to deal with than trying to change the world. One might say, why should I change myself? Why can't others? I used to say that and ask that too...but over the last couple of years I feel that I waste a lot of energy in asking others to change themselves..it also gets me angry and mad and makes me lose my happiness and peace of mind. But whenever I have been able to change my attitude and know that things are what they are no matter what my personal feelings and views are, then I feel I get to a better place. I don't have to constantly pull and push to keep things and manourver things. Instead I can sit-in peace and be happy.  

Politically Correct or hiding from the truth?

I feel that we live in a world that is becoming too politically correct. That's how I feel. I don't mean that we have to be mean and nasty to one another in how we use language; by all means we must be polite and show great sensitivity and care when we talk to and about one another. But I fear that at some point we will not be able to open our mouths and say anything without being criticized or condemned as being offensive to someone or group. I think that's ridiculous. 

I don't disagree that people have used language to marginalize and discriminate against people and groups. I do believe we have to have sensitivity and care in our use of the language but our approach to the use of language comes from many aspects of our lives and our experiences, our prejudices and biases, up bringing and even times we live in. Without paying attention to these factors and how they contribute towards shaping of our use of language, it's difficult to understand why someone might say things the way they say. 

I have lived in many countries. I was brought up in a South Asian culture, studied in an European country and lived in two North American countries. Each has their own way of using language and also just because it's considered politically incorrect in one country does not mean that it is in another. So we have to give ourselves a little room. Living in America currently feels like it's going through identity crisis. I lived in Canada before and before that in the UK. I'd say the English are pretty good at being politically correct but yet they have puns and wit that in some ways scratch at being totally politically correct. The Canadians are pretty good at being politically correct but sometimes nothing gets done. Cause everyone is concerned about making everyone happy and at ease. Sometimes it's so annoying that you cannot call a spade a spade. So there is waste of time and resources trying to be nice. I used to think Americans were pretty forward and expressive. But now that is being debated....

I mean there has to be a better way...a middle way of being able to say what you have to say but also do in a way that shows some sensitivity but also not so much as to lose the message. I mean I once worked with this student who had a bad attitude. She wasn't good at reading and therefore had a hard time doing her math. I recognized that after a couple of sessions with her. But what made things worse was her attitude. Perhaps she knew she was lagging behind but she was a difficult student. So after a few weeks I raised that with her tutors. Their response was to affirm what I had felt. But for some reason their way of addressing this issue was to make her a leader to a group of younger students to help her build her self esteem. It did not seem that they spoke to her about her struggles. Her attitude got worse as time went on and I refused to work with her at the end. 

To me it seemed crazy to not address the issue head on. I mean what's wrong with that. If someone is struggling isn't it because they don't know what's happening? Or may be they but they don't know what to do about it? This girls was only 7 years old. I think this was an opportunity missed.

Being politically correct shouldn't mean that we fail to address what needs to be addressed and tell what needs to be told. For heaven's sake what if the doctors don't tell us that we have cancer or we are dying...instead sugar coat it to make us feel better in our heads...then one fine day we get worse and we realize that we are about to go and there is a truck load of unfinished business. Think about the flip side too...

Today I saw on a FB post a thing called an "Up Syndrome". I was curious. So I read through the post. It was written by a mother who has had a baby with downs syndrome. But apparently now its called Up Syndrome...apparently it's feels not very good to to call it "DOWN' so now they call it "UP'. I felt that was a joke. I mean who are we trying to fool...ourselves? the child? the society? Or are we to lessen the hurt, the fear or the insecurity of having a child with 'Downs Syndrome". Is it going to take way the mental and physical challenges that life will pose on that child and it's caretakers? I don't get it..I really didn't think it was a good thing.

In some ways it's same with death. We now call funerals 'celebrations' and death as 'passing'. Why can't we use the proper term for it? What do we have lose? Or are we scared to face the truth? Are we sacred to face our own fears and inability to face the reality of things? I ask that in terms of all other stories I wrote here. 

Somewhere we need to stop this ridiculous way of being. I think deep down there is a fear and an inability accept these challenges of life that we face from time to time. I think our way of trying to lessen the sting is to give it a positive twist. It's like doing plastic surgery or botox. For a while, we might look good on the outside...but is that going to stop or slow the aging process? No. Then one fine day we look ourselves in the mirror and won't even recognize ourselves...because there will come the day when we won't be able to keep up with the surgeries and the injections and we will look deformed. 

Instead what's wrong with calling it what it is..yes it might hurt and it might not feel good. But learn to recognize that. Find away to work with yourselves to ease the pain in our heart and mind. The constant yapping that makes you want to change things from what they are, the nagging feeling that somehow things should be different. Sometimes no matter how much we fluff the terminology, it will not take away the pain and the hurt and the inadequacies that come along with it. It will not stop you from going to dark parts of your mind. 

I remember in Harry Potter, everyone was calling Voldemort  "He Who Must Not Be Named"...when Harry says the actual name they hush him. But Professor Dumbledore, I think it was, says that not uttering what you fear increases the fear of it even further. I think there is great wisdom in that. Then as the fear increases you are unable to do much about it. Its the fear that will rule you. So I think we owe it to ourselves to look at how we use language. Are we using it to runaway from difficult and challenging situations? Why do we need to sugar coat things? Is it for whose benefit? Ours or others? I think there has to be this kind of scrutiny...if not we are going to grope in the dark for long periods of time. That would be a sad thing. If we don't scrutiny these patterns we will also increase our chances of becoming mentally imbalanced...a world where we don't know what is and what is not. What is sad is that at some point we won't need anyone else to do that to us it will be done by ourselves. 

The Dhamma is a way out of the peril....dhamma invites and encourages one to look at things the way they are and find ways to accept them. Accepting doesn't mean being passive. In fact it is one of the most active states I have experienced. Acceptance as I know now, is not a 'Choice-less' activity. In fact you fully exert your right to have a choice. It also comes with great understanding and kindness instead of rejection or denial. When these things come together no matter how challenging the situation is or circumstances are we find a way. A way to see the ugly as ugly, the unpleasant as unpleasant, sad as sad, death as death, sickness as sickness, stupidity as stupidity. Instead of this making us feel helpless or vulnerable and victimized, this acceptance will make us feel empowered, we will find a sense of peace and security.  

I think we mustn't use language as a curtain to hide behind our challenges. It shouldn't be used as a means to lessen the sting. Because language is an external thing for most of us (at least that who we might perceive..away to communicate with the outside world). But we also use language internally. It is the same way we talk to ourselves. So why train ourselves to sugar coat things? If we do it externally there will come a day when we will sugar coat things internally. The results will be a disconnect with reality. No matter how much we sugar coat reality, it will still remain reality and we will have to face the brunt of it. Then what? Use drugs to escape reality? 

I think it's time we took a good look at ourselves and how we shape the world we live in...especially for the young ones. 

Born Free

Its been almost two months into the year of 2019. Seems like time passes away pretty fast....maybe I am getting old...or perhaps life is too busy and hectic. Either way time moves fast...

For about a month I've been watching BBC America and some of its wildlife shows. The one that I watched most recently was the Dynasties series. It was very interesting. It had four episodes each one following a different group of animals from a different part of the world over a period of time...long enough to see their changing dynamics, power struggles, life as it unfolds in real time. One was about tigers in India, another about Chimps in Africa, Painted Wolves was another one followed by Emperor penguins in Antarctica. It was one of the most fascinating series I've ever seen. I love wildlife and so does my husband. We've watched many over the years but this made us think deeply about how alike we are...humans and animals. 

The world seem to be increasingly becoming divided...countries, nationalities, races, religions but we forget despite all of these differences we are connected and are similar in so many ways that it is very unfortunate that we've become so segregated. It was even more so obvious when watching these groups of animals live, create their families and even die. 

As humans we all want to be loved, be free, have security, food, families....so do animals. They may not be able to tell that in words like we do or fight for their freedom like we do or protect their families like we do, but boy do they try. I cannot imagine anyone thinking or believing that animals are somehow lesser beings than us. That someone they don't feel. I just don't get a human who cannot feel for another being...no matter what shape or size or species it belongs to. 

It was heartbreaking to watch a pack of pained wolves moaning for the young ones that were killed by hyenas. It was even more hard to hear that when the female who was leading the pack for years left the pack to die in the lion territory but she was not alone because her partner too stayed with her. They both died. Can you believe that such loyalties exist in the animal realm? Perhaps  it is not their active choice but a long suppressed desire to stay with those you have strong bonds to the end...what we call an instinct. It was amazing to see the Emperors bring up their littles ones. A mother and a father putting themselves at great risk to protect and hatch an egg. To bring a youngling to independence. Don't we do that with out own children? Just because they don't feel like we do and perhaps are able to articulate why and how their do things and feel does not mean they don't in some archaic way feel the pain, sorrow and fear and at the sometime joy and freedom. 

We are truly born free.....free from the shackles of others. Perhaps we are born into our own shackles but certainly not of others...but as we grow and move in groups, humans and animals like for the most part, there is an interplay that is good, loving and protective but at the same time scary and fearful and destructive. I saw that in these creatures watching this series. I also know that from my own experience and that of other humans, that we too go through these phases. Whether we want to accept these things as common is up to us but the reality of that these things exist is undeniable. 

I think to cherish life is to cherish all living beings. No matter who they are, what they are. To believe in the sanctity of life is to believe that it applies to all creatures. I am so confused who humans create so much separation and that we put blinkers that make us stupid and see only one side of the story. 

Living an awakened life

Last night Sen. John Mccain died. I remember him well because he ran for president against Barack Obama. It was amazing to see him stand up to a supporter at a town hall meeting during his campaign and defend his opponent, when she (the supporter) said Obama was an Arab. His speech at the end calling his supporters to embrace Obama as their President was admirable. I think the US has depended on such decency from their politicians and to some degree had taken it for granted. I think we as humans depend on basic human decency towards one another. If not towards others, we expect that one would hold oneself with decency and honor, just because.

But we live in times when decency and honor are just feel good words. They are quickly becoming things of the past. At least it seems that way to me. I am not only talking about US politics or politics in the world of any kind. I am talking about how we are losing such core qualities that make us rise above ourselves to something greater. It happens in every strata of life and society and institution. We hear how Catholic priests have abused thousands of children and how they have continued to go on being members of the clergy and how such individuals have been protected by other members of the clergy. We hear about corporate executives putting their need to fill the pockets at the expense of the their customers financial well-being. We hear much these days about how basic human decency and honor is put on the back burner where money, fame, power is concerned. 

It is easy to look at what others do and don't do and engage in blame and criticism. I think this is part of the problem. We somehow think that we are separate from those we think live without decency and honor. But instead we ought to take long hard look at ourselves and how we live our lives and what we propagate and if our lives are lived with decency and honor. 

It's hard to switch on the TV and not see constant criticism of Donald Trump and his behavior. Yes of course he is all that and perhaps more. I don't know him personally so I cannot speak about him. But what I see is constant criticism of the guy. Now maybe he is all that....but the fact that we somehow see that he is separate from us is a funny thing to me. I mean after all, almost half the people who voted, elected him as the President right? And while the other half might taken their hands off and say they did not elect him, I think they are just as responsible for electing him as those who voted. Then what about those who never even voted?! It's like watching a crime scene unfold. If you watch someone shoot someone and you didn't try to stop it...then you are just as responsible. May not be in the legal system but morally you are just as responsible cause you did nothing about it. Now their maybe valid reasons but the fact is that you did nothing. 

In Buddhas teachings, the five basic precepts (basic rules to live by) that we lay people (householders) are recommended to observe have two aspects to it. One is abstaining from breaking the precept but also proactively protecting it. For example, the second precept is not stealing but that is only not breaking it. The protecting part is not taking what is not given. It's much more that just not breaking it. But in this day and age people seem to just care about protecting their backsides, be it the political situation or working in the corporate world or even within families. We just scrape by so that our backs are not sitting on the fire. Or so that we don't have face the blame. We don't care about others, or we don't care that in protecting our own backsides we may have subjected another to it. We just don't seem to have much of that in us these days. And I am not saying that everyone is like this but I see enough to know that this is happening quite frequently.

The unfortunate part is not the happening of such things because it's happened for a millennia...but what is most disturbing is that some of us choose to sit on the side and cheer it or worse turn a blind eye to it. Somehow somewhere we have missed the fact that being silent can be just as bad as cheering on. It is evident in the political scene in the US. Where members of the senate, congress and all levels of government feel that being silent is OK. Or they do it for their political gain in the future. I think it's atrocious that someone like Paul Ryan can say as little as he does or nothing at all, and think he is not part of the problem and that some day he can run for president. Come on man...give me a break. But the fact is that they do it, because they believe that is it possible. Which also means that the electorate is also going to make is possible. So it goes round and round in a circle. 

It is a shame what we as humans would like to think that we stand apart from all other being because of our ability to call to a higher purpose. I think each one of us, as politicians, corporate executives, clergy, mothers, father, grandparents, friends, enemies, need to recognize that each one of us individually must call upon that higher purpose. It's not good enough to wait for a mother Theresa or a Ghandi to come our way to waken us up to a higher purpose. We each one of us must waken ourselves to that. 

Yesterday I was at a meditation retreat. The teachers said that we don't want to wake ourselves up to the realities. Either because we don't want to or because we think that being in our self induced coma is a better way to live and die. I think it was very relevant that he made that comment. For the most part, all of us life our lives in a routines. Just going through the motions and thinking that is the way to love. I assure you no matter how good that feels, it is no way to live. There is little purpose to such a life. There is no awakening of the human spirit in such a life. We are numbed to most of it and conditioned to be numbed by the rest. 

I hope we wake up. We wake up to the realities of our times - good and bad. Hope we, each of us, wake up to the potential and the goodness that lie in us. Hope we wake up to the fact that we are similar than different. That we, no matter how different we are, want only the best for ourselves and would not want that taken away from us. That we want to be loved, respected and kindness. If we can do that, and not get selfish or high-minded or victimized by our circumstances, perhaps their might be that day the collective goodness can gather enough strength to shift the world into a more awakened state. If not, at least, those who put in the effort for themselves, will find peace in their awakening. 

Humans - An Endangered Species

In the Sinhalese language 'human' is called a "Manussa'. Its a combination of two words: Mana and Ussa. The meanings being 'Mana" (mind) and "Ussa' (high). Basically a being with a higher mind. I remember my mother telling this to me. I don't remember when and where but I have never forgotten this. It was very appealing to me. It sounded good and just and fitting.

But from that time to now I have grown and seen much, heard much and experienced much. I have had time to digest much as well and see it from many different angles. But today I felt sad. It has been coming on for a while now. I was sad at humans. What we seem to have become and are becoming. I feel disappointed and sad. I feel frustration and sometime anger. I feel these towards humans. 

Today it all came together in this news that I saw on Facebook where a group of 'human men' in Sri Lanka have captured a cheetah and clobbered it to death. There were pictures of this human men taking selfies with the innocent animal they have killed. I was aghast. Beyond words at seeing the news and the pictures. My heart was broken. The last few days I was also taunted by the news and sights of children being separated from their mothers in America. Thousands of children who were crossing the border with their mothers have been separated and taken in by the authorities (human men and women) and kept in foster homes, shelters and some even in cages. The sights and sounds of children crying for their mothers was and still is heart breaking. Yes their mothers may have broken the law by crossing the border illegally. But what are the American human men and women doing? Worse than breaking a law. It's breaking apart humanity itself.

These thoughts have simmered in my mind for a few days and when I saw the pictures of the clobbered animal I felt shame. I felt shame that we as humans have stooped to such low standards. I felt frustrated that increasingly these negative behaviors are escalating irrespective of country, ethnicity and religion. I felt helpless and hopeless. Helpless in the face of unimaginable pain that we humans inflict on others; humans and animals. Helpless because I don't know what to do, where to start. Hopeless, cause I feel the ebbing of the essence being human. 

If we are of the higher mind, I question then, how can we commit such crimes against our own kind and others? If we are of the higher mind, how can we condone such acts committed by other humans? It seems there are those who hold power, those who have money and influence seem to be by standers of these acts. That for them it's simply evening news that has "nothing to with us". 

It seems that the world is losing it's humans "the higher minded" kind. Perhaps we have the form of a human but the essence of it is being lost, destroyed, forgotten. It seems it's giving way to something that I cannot or don't want to know. A cross between an animal and that of a ghost realm, an evil realm. A new kind of being that lacks any sense of morality, goodness, shame and fear of doing wrong. Certainly this new species cannot be called 'human'. 

This is why I called the blog "Humans - An Endangered Species". Now we are not threatened by anyone else other then our own. It is we who are endangering humans. If a lions doesn't roar and kills and act like a lion would you call is a lion? If a cat starts roaring and killing would you call it a cat? If a dog doesn't wag its tail and bark would you call it a dog? I'm simply asking a question. In the same way if a human cannot empathize, show love, compassion, kindness and generosity of hear would you or can you call it a human? 

I have been very fortunate in my life to have had incredible associations. Wise teachers, friends who live up to the definition of 'human' or perhaps go beyond the term. So for me there is some light at the end of the tunnel. Even in my despair I can think of them, hear them and meet them and know that there is that bright light that still shines in this world. I know I am a good person. That I have light in myself. But what about those who don't have this? What about those of us that cannot see such humans who embody goodness and light? What about those of us who have little light in us (and there are those). What could possibly give them hope? A sense of there is light at the end of the darkness? What happens to them? There only exposure could be the negativities and unkindness of the humans. Would they only see darkness within and without? Would they feel hopeless and helpless and the only way out is to fight and flight?

These are hard choices. The Buddha said that good associations are all of our spiritual life. That good and timely associations can lead us out of darkness and into light. But what if that choice isn't present in peoples lives? Will they go from darkness and into further darkness? I question these. 

While I feel helpless in my ability to do much to alleviate the pain of many, I realize that I can be a light by being a good and virtuous person. As I was looking at myself and asking what can I do?, I realize that it is even more important for me to put forth more effort and energy into my practice. I realize even if it's just a smile, a kind word it's better than none. So I today made a determination - yes I may not be an activist or a spokesperson or part of a club that can reach those who need...but in my own way, I can make a difference. However small it's a difference towards light and goodness.