Is life fair?

Good question. I am not sure. What do you think? 

Over the years I used to moan and grumble about things as being unfair or life as being unfair to me or even as being unfair to me when things don't go my way or they don't work out or go wrong...for me. But I don't remember complaining or grumbling when things work out for me, or when people are good to me or when things work out for me...do you do that as well? Probably! But I know I do and I know great many people do as well. 

So then is it the thing that is happening to us in a way that we perceive to be unfair, unjust, awful that makes us feel lousy or is it our perception/experience of it and vice versa? I think its more of the latter. I think it's a hard one to digest. Even for me as someone who has a strong inclination towards Karma and its forces, I still find it hard to accept things as they are. 

I mean look at a simple thing like the weather. It's winter here and it's been long one and harsh one to some degree. So last weekend we met this couple and the woman was not happy that winter had lasted this long. She's waiting for the spring. Now on the other hand I had a great winter. Now was that because 'winter' was different to each one of us or was it because our experiences and perceptions of winter was different? I think the latter. I mean winter is winter no matter which way we slice it right?

Then I look at the relationship I have with my mother-in-law. Very sour...I don't like her and she doesn't like me. Now my husband is the only common thread between us...if not we probably won't even cross each others paths or even if we did, we might steer clear from each other. But my husband loves both of us tremendously. He love his mom and I know he loves me much too. So Is it that she is bad or I am bad? Or we aren't lovable people? No its the perception and the experiences. At least that's my explanation of it for now at least. 

Isn't that crazy?

Sometimes we use these experiences, especially the negative ones, to say that life is unfair. Life in unfair because winter happens to be so long and harsh for someone of; life is unfair because I have a mother-in-law that I don't get along with, life is unfair because I don't have the job I like or the boss who is good, life is unfair because I have chronic pain, cancer, illness, life is unfair cause I have stupid children, or abusive husband or a cheating wife and it goes on and on and on.....I mean isn't that the case for all of us at some points in our lives. 

I used to watch quite a few wildlife movies and it's sad to see how animals are killed as prey by their predators. Then there was a scene a baby elephant died because of drought and it was hard to watch. In another one emperor penguins got stuck in a valley after a winter storm and they had to leave their chicks to die to save themselves and those who didn't died, until humans intervened to same the remaining. I said 'unfair'...or is it? I mean after all that's how things are supposed to be...circle of life and survival of the fittest, right? 

Then I watch trees and leaves and lakes and oceans change from season to season...the transformations are stark. Trees grown flourish in spring and summer, only to wither and shed and enter a long hibernation in winter months...then lakes freeze or dry out in some parts of the world. Some species go extinct only for us to discover brand new ones in the depth of the ocean or in a deep tropical forest....but they don't complain. No one says that's unfair. It seems there is an acceptance that, that's how it is. 

Perhaps this is the missing part in our lives. Humans by nature are willful and want to control, change and adjust their lives, surroundings to the way they see fit. It's great if we can do that all the time. But we can't. Time and time again we are shown how much we are not in control. Yet some how we forget it or we fail to accept it. We want to assert ourselves over things. Invariable this brings us discomfort...along with that thoughts of 'life is unfair'....

I think we need to change our way of perceiving and experiencing things. I mean my teacher Ajahn Brahm says change the attitude. He says that about all most all things, I should say. There was a time it used to sound crazy to me. But there was also a time I was desperate. So I listened to him cause he was a wise old monk. And as I changed I realized that life because an easier experience for me. It wasn't that things changed all of a sudden. They are for the most part very much the same. 

I mean my mother-in-law hasn't changed. She is who she is. I don't meet her. But there was a time even the thought of her drove me insane and my blood rushed through my veins and if I heard her voice I'd get an anxiety attack. But it's much better now. So I must have changed somewhere, even if it's an only a small change. 

I think we can all change how we perceive and experience things. I feel that life would start to fee like less of a burden and gruesome space if we do so. I must say this transformation hasn't come about easily and there are great many things I have to change my attitude about but it's a start. It's a movie the right direction. 

So I think in somewhere in my mind and hear I feel that life is fair. It is what it is...there are somethings that we cannot change no matter how much we want to. But what we can change is our perception, experience of it by changing our views of it. I think that's an easier thing to deal with than trying to change the world. One might say, why should I change myself? Why can't others? I used to say that and ask that too...but over the last couple of years I feel that I waste a lot of energy in asking others to change themselves..it also gets me angry and mad and makes me lose my happiness and peace of mind. But whenever I have been able to change my attitude and know that things are what they are no matter what my personal feelings and views are, then I feel I get to a better place. I don't have to constantly pull and push to keep things and manourver things. Instead I can sit-in peace and be happy.