Fooled by the Senses

My husband was in Victoria, British Columbia for a few days early June. During his visit he got to step inside a naval simulator. Basically, to step inside a concrete hall which looks like the inside of a control deck of a ship. It has a 360 degree glass window. Outside of the window, in the front you can see the front of the ship. A few meters away surrounding the entire hall is a white wall on which the scenarios unfold. For example, in one scenario you can see the horizon and in another some other ships, or in another you can only see the rough water for miles on end, or you can see the harbour or land or whatever the scenario the officers choose.

My husband said the most interesting phenomena of all was how he, including the rest of the people, was reacting to the movements as if it were really happening. He said despite him knowing very well, that he was standing on a concrete floor, in a simulation room, going through a simulation, he had no control over his reactions. He said he was grabbing for balance and that he was loosing his footing when the sea was getting rough. He was both amazed and amused by the experiences. While I did not have the good fortune to experience this, when I was told about it, I was happy to let my imagination run wild.

It was then that I realised how deceptive our sense really are. Yet, we depend on our senses to get by in this world from moment to moment, literally. Then if that is the case, how easily can we be fooled by our senses? Think about it! All the world and its experiences that we see, hear, taste, touch, smell are based on our senses seeing (eyes), hearing (ears), smelling(noes), touching (skin) and taste (tongue). Now, we readily take the input we receive from these sense to be correct, accurate and to be true, don't we?! Isn't that why my husband,was swaying and trying to grab hold on to whatever he could thinking he might take a fall, despite the fact that he was standing on unmoving concrete?! His senses, that he live by, get by on a day to day basis, tricked him. How else do his senses trick him?

Putting these two things together made me question, how sure should we be of our sensory inputs? Well the real question was how wary should I be of my sensory inputs? It also reminded me of something the Buddha taught a disciple of his, just before the disciple died.

During the time of the Buddha, there was a young boy (details really escape my mind) who ran behind the Buddha asking for some teachings. The Buddha was on his alms rounds. Now the Buddha usually does not want to be disturbed during this time. But the Buddha was able to see, using his super-normal powers, that this young boy was going to die soon but that he also had the karmic causes strong enough to understand the Dhamma. So the Buddha stopped to teach. Apparently the Buddha gave the shortest teaching possible. The Buddha said to this young boy, "Take what you see as just the seen; take what you hear as just the heard" and the Buddha went on his way. Apparently, this was enough to awaken the mind of this young boy to the Dhamma.

I believe what the Buddha said can be found in what my husband experienced in that simulation room.

Think about it this way. We live our lives, we do things because we react to our sensory inputs. When someone smiles, we smile back. If someone scold us, we cry, we get depressed or scold back. When we feel hot, we take a shower or switch on the AC. Whatever it maybe, all of our actions are determined by our sensory inputs. After all a dead person doesn't react or respond do they? Why because their senses have stopped taking inputs. But for us because our sense are alive and because they take inputs, we are forever reacting to them. We are being swept away by our senses on a moment to moment basis. We are wired and we are brought up to react this way.

When the Buddha said, "Know what you see as only the seen", he said to be aware of this phenomena. He said this in regards to all of the senses. He said that we should be aware that it's only the senses taking inputs and that there is no need for us to react. For example, the eye is doing the seeing and that is it! There is no other story to be told. Isn't that amazing! I mean how truly liberating is that. Usually what we do is, when the eye sees, we think "Oh I am seeing", then we say more stories, "Oh I am seeing that woman making this horrible face at me, how dare she?".....and the saga continues. Along with that the length of Samsara lengthens as well.

The Buddha told us not to be fooled by our senses. For when we are fooled by our senses, like most of us are most of the time, we tend to REACT instead of RESPOND. The beauty in what the Buddha taught lies in realising that there is no need to REACT but there is all the need to RESPOND because that is all the choice each one of us have. In how each one of us RESPOND lies the liberation of each one of us. For example, in my responding or reacting lies my liberation or suffering not yours or someone elses and vice versa.

Humility

I make it a point to have regular conversations with my meditation teacher, Bhante Saranapala. He has been my teacher for many years now. He has not only been a teacher but a great friend and an exemplary figure. I have learnt much from his formal and informal teachings.

One such informal occasion took place on the phone about two weeks ago. Of course he resides in the Mississauga temple. So I ring him up perhaps once a month or so. This time round, I had written an editorial for the newsletter and I had wanted his approval for it. Since I did not hear back from him, I thought I'd give him a ring. By the time I rang him up, he had already sent me a reply but as he always does, he took the time to talk to me. He praised me for what I had written in the editorial and said that he enjoys reading what I write because they are very insightful. Then came the surprise....he said that he learns from the things that I write.

I was so very pleased to hear that. My teacher learning from me! Hearing that from him meant a lot. Of course I was walking a few feet above ground level when it hit me. In what he said was something was of so value to me for my own growth. I almost missed that in my egotistical euphoria. It was Humility!

Think about it. As I said...he is my teacher, a learned monk, a Highly learned monk, venerated by many in society....him saying that he learns things from me.......me....just a nobody really compared to him. He didn't have to say that. In fact he doesn't have to say anything. He doesn't even have to admire and appreciate what I write and it's contents or whatever. He could very well say like so many others do and like I have heard so many others including myself say, "Oh I did the same" or "Yes I know". But instead he choose to do and say something quite the opposite.

It was after my ego calmed down that I picked up on something which he obviously did not intend to teach. But sometimes teaching is best done when someone lives the teachings. This was such an occasion. I was so inspired. Of course it gave material for me write another blog but it also made me realise how much I needed to cultivate the quality of "Humility" within me. In fact don't we all?

Think about it. Everything we do, we do to make ourselves look good, to seek approval, to make ourselves worthy...but in it all is the desire, the need to justify and satisfy the ego. When I write my blogs, I constantly remind myself as to why I write my blogs. It's not to get as many people to read them...no that's not the purpose...if it were the purpose then my blogs will serve no purpose other than to support and build up of my own ego. But my blogs are written so that I may gather my own learnings from life so that it's like a compilation of teachings for me...and if and when it's time for others to benefit from it perhaps I may share at large. But that is all.

But like this how much we engage in ego building activities. Be it buying a car, having a house, going on holiday and talking about it or posting numerous pictures on facebook...it's all part of making out a niche for my little ego. But to let it shrink, to make it's importance a little less is a difficult thing for all of us. In fact no one for even a minute would even consider this. Considering this would be next to craziness (although real craziness lies in feeding the ego more and more!)

When Bhante appreciated me, said that he learns something from me, he put his ego aside. He put aside his identification with his titles "Bhante Saranapala, Theravada Priest of over 25 years, PhD teacher, Meditation Teacher, Pali Scholar, Buddhist Scholar etc", he also put aside his identification and value he has placed with all the years of his experiences as a priest and a meditator. That is not an easy thing to do.

Look at yourselves. How easy is it for you to listen to a child? How easy is it for us as adults to listen and take the advice of a child, even if it makes sense?! Forget about listening to a child. How easy is it for us to listen to a different point of view from another human being of the same age group. My point is that it's not easy for us to put aside what we know and what we think of ourselves to be and the worth we attach to it and the worth that has been attached to it by others around us. It takes a lot of training and self-discipline. But unless we learn to do so, at least some of the time, we become hollow, we become mean, self-righteous and worst of all we fail to learn and grow, we become fossilised.

But it's inspiring to see humility when it happens. Especially to see it coming from someone who does not need to give it. I think it shows true spiritual maturity of a person. Thank you Bhante for teaching me another inspiring lesson!

Life: Birth and Death

My husband and I are flying to Toronto this Friday. I am not a fan of the flight taking off but I am a big favourite of the flight landing. I am always apprehensive of the unknown the take off of a flight makes me exposed to but I do like the landing because it's finally "home safe home". Someone who specialises in flying recently told me that the landing is more dangerous than a take off....but that hasn't made me change my opinion.

Interestingly flying reminds me of birth and death in an odd sort of way.

I think birth is similar to the 'take off' and death is similar to a 'landing'. When the flight takes off you don't know what you are going to go through. There could be turbulences, a storm, lightening, huge winds, volcanic ashes or in the worst case scenario a crash or an uneventful but perfectly safe flight! Isn't it similar to birth? Because when we are born we don't know what life holds for us. We might be sick, wealthy, poor, intelligent, stupid, be a drug addict, a scientist, a monk, happy, miserable, psychotic but whatever it maybe we just don't know. Birth brings with it this unknown and it's a scary proposition (at least to me)

On the other hand landing I find is similar to death. An ending of a journey. Whether the journey was a difficult one or an easy one, you have come to the end of it and finally you are free. Free from being stuck in an uncomfortable seat, perhaps you had an overweight person right next to you, may be you got air sick,or perhaps you slept all the way but whatever it may have been you are not free when you are inside of a plane. But when the plane lands you are free to get out and go to wherever you wish. Death brings with it a release; release from pain, sickness, attachments and it frees you to go wherever you wish to go to - just like a landing!

Despite the many variables that affect the 'ride' we call 'life' birth and death are always present and we will all succumb to it. There is no way out. So it makes me question as to why we celebrate birth and lament when death. It makes me question as to why we are scared of death and not of birth. I leave my questions for you to ponder on....

The Illusion of Control - a personal experience

When I was in my late twenties to early thirties, I became very controlling. I guess it happened over a period of time from my late teens to early twenties when my life was going exactly the way I planned or even better. I was very successful in my career, I was holding powerful positions, brushing elbows with powerful people, I was recognised for my abilities and my achievements, I was very influential and was able to sway very powerful people to do what I thought was best.....and after a while I began to believe that I could make things happen just by willing for things to happen.

But I hit a road block. Things started going out of control. It wasn't something that I was hit with all of a sudden. It gradually descended upon me. I realised this much later on. But at the time it was descending upon me, I began to feel frustrated, annoyed, angry that people were simply being 'asses'. So I thought I ought to 'will' more. Because I believed that I can do things and make things happen, I tried hard to put things back in place. To my shock, the more I tried the less control I felt. While I still had control over my career, the influence I exerted in the world, my personal life was falling apart. For once I could not control my own life. This was the biggest shock and reason why I started questioning myself.

I used to wonder why was it that I had such a grip on things outside but I could not do so in my own life. So I tried harder, to find that things started slipping through my fingers right in front of my eyes. I became disillusioned, I lost confidence in myself, I felt very very depressed, I also felt that I was being let down by my own principles and sense of morality and most importantly by my loved ones. Basically I felt that the whole world was going against me and that no one understood what the heck was happening to me including myself.

One fine day, about three years ago, I remember very clearly that I finally decided to stop trying. It was very intentional. The intention wasn't even wholesome when I think back because I did it out of desperation and I did it because I had enough of trying. But I was going to just stop!

It was then the miracle happened. I call it a miracle because what happened to me afterwards was something that I didn't think was possible.

It was when I decided to let go and stop complaining, stop trying to make things turn out the way I want and instead to do the best I can irrespective of what anyone in my life was doing to me or saying to me, that I felt a great sense of peace and release. It was almost as if I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Within months I felt a sense of confidence that I had never felt before. It had nothing to do with any success I was experiencing in my professional or personal life. It was nothing to do with any influence I was exerting on powerful people around me or on my loved ones. It wasn't because my life started unfolding the way I wanted it to or it was moving the way I wanted it to. But it was because for the first time in my life I felt a sense of peace. A sense of "I am going to be alright". It was the most powerful thing that has ever happened to me.

I haven't looked back since then...at least not until now. This episode in my life taught me some very important and valuable lessons that I would like to share with you right now.

It taught me that life, even if it is your own, is not in your control. Things happen whether you like it or not, whether you want it or not, whether you change your jobs, change countries, change people around you....no matter what you do things will happen. There is so much you can do to change things.The best you can do is to do your very best with a sense of gladness for the opportunity given and let the rest take care of itself.

It taught me that I should not get carried away when things are going well for me and not get bogged down when things are not going well for me. Nothing lasts forever. Everything has a beginning, a middle and an end. We just need to be patient and continue to give our very very best. The illusion of control makes you feel you are doing things right and that you are doing your very best, so that when things don't go well, you always look to pass on the blame to someone else. More often than not we are not doing our best. We are too obsessed with "what's in it for me?" and as a result we are unable to give our very best. In the same way we are unable to love another person or persons.

It also taught me that I am responsible for how I feel at any given point of time and that it is my choice to be happy, unhappy, sad, miserable, angry, jealous, elated, peaceful etc. This is one of the hardest lessons I learnt. The emotions we feel are things that we already have. What another person or a situation may do, is bring out those emotions that are already within us. No one can make us feel things that we don't have within us!

I learnt that I cannot and should not try to escape reality, especially when that reality is not pleasant or it's not the way I want it to be. You need to face it directly. Otherwise, it's like a ghost chasing you and you running to save your life. You cannot out run a ghost. It will always find you. I learnt to face myself instead of looking at the person in front of me and trying to pass the blame. I learnt to face the hurt, disappointment, anger, frustration and look at them squarely in their faces within myself. Through that I found peace.

I also learnt to forgive....again this was a hard lesson for me. Forgiving was tough. Because it meant that I had to give up the reasons that gave me the right to hate another being, even if that being had hurt me, done and said things to me which I did not deserve by any means. In forgiveness I found my peace. I was not burning, I did not have to figure out ways to be mean to someone else. I didn't have to carry the baggage of past with me anymore. I felt free.

I learnt that peace and happiness come to you when you let go of your controlling. That you become an easier person to be with for others and more than that an easier person for you to be with when you stop being controlling. I learnt that peace and happiness are things to be found within and that no one, and I mean NO ONE, can ever give it to you or teach it to you. You need to dig deep down to find it within your own heart.

I learnt to be more humble and understanding of people's shortcomings. We all try to do one thing at the end of the day. And that is to be happy and have some peace of mind (some of us are not aware of this but this is what we all strive for). Just as much as I tried to control things because I believed that, that was the way to find happiness and peace, so do others. People's intentions at most times are not wrong or harmful they are just skewed because of lack of understanding, just like mine. So I try to find compassion whenever possible when I find those who are controlling of things and even of me.

I learnt to enjoy the present moment. This moment is all we have and all we will ever be. The rest is our memories of our past and anticipations and hopes of a future. Neither can be experienced for what it is. You can experience only the present. I have learnt to have fun and lots of it by being in the present moment. It also leaves me with little room to grudge, find fault and complain.

These are some of the lessons I learnt through some the darkest of days in my life so far. The only thing I try now is to put these lessons into practice. I am less worried about the results but I give myself to whatever is at hand. I try not to indulge myself with thoughts of past and future but instead live this moment to the best of my ability and if I mess it up I will forgive myself and move on. I try not to be so confident that I can make things happen and that if I were to 'will or try a little bit harder' things could be better. As a result over the last three years, I have felt a sense of great unburdening. I feel free, happy, peaceful more often than not. I feel as if I am seeing things through a new perspective.

My wish to whoever reads this, is that you may never have to experience darkness in your life. But as a human being it's an inevitability. We do experience ups and downs in life. It may be big or it maybe small but open your eyes to those moments, see them clearly and most of all learn from them. They can unfold some of the greatest gifts that you can ever receive in this journey we call life.

What is suffering?

The aim of practicing the path of the Buddha is to overcome suffering and ultimately transcend dukka. Now Dukka and suffering have two distinct meanings. They are not the same. Some of us think that Dukka is suffering. But that is not a correct understanding. Let me explain to the best of my understanding and experience.

Dukka is a natural law. We have no choice. Dukka will always be there whether we like it or not. Being born is dukka, being sick is dukka, dying is dukka, receiving blame is dukka, losing loved ones is dukka....and there are many other factors that make up dukka. We all experience one or more things from time to time. Even the great Buddha himself experienced sickness, old-age, death, blame etc.

However unlike dukka which is a natural law, suffering is a choice. We have the option to suffer or not to suffer. Now isn't that a wonderful thing!!! How is that so? Well suffering is a reaction to dukka. For example, when we are sick, in addition to the sickness we suffer because we think "Oh why do I have to get sick?", "Why me?", "Why now?", "What did I do to deserve this"?, "How can this happen to me?"........many such questions lead us towards the path of suffering. When loved ones die, we say "Oh why did they die?", "They should not have died so young, it's unfair", "I cannot live without them"......many such lamentations.

Now whether we like it or not death is going to happen; our parents, children, partners, sisters and brothers are going to die; we are going to die; we are going to be sick and old and we are going to get wrinkles, white hair and those wonderful phenomena that come with old age....these things happen because that's the way it is. But when we react to it, that reaction brings suffering.

So what causes us to react? Because logically if you figure out what causes the reaction then we can figure out how to address the cause which will stop the reaction and as a result any suffering. Well the reaction happens because of craving. In other words, we desire or we want something else and not the dukka that we are experiencing. For example, when we get sick, we want NOT to be sick. Now that wanting NOT to be sick is called suffering.

Another example, we go on holidays. Well we have to come back home. Now coming back home after a holiday is not as bad as thinking "Oh I don't want to go back home", "I'm not looking forward to going back to work".....so what makes you suffer is your wanting for your holiday to continue and your wanting not to resume normal life.

Even the Buddha and the great Arahants had dukka but because they understood that that is the way things are, they did not suffer from it. The Buddha was said to have suffered from severe diarrhea during the last months of his life. Imagine how painful that would have been. Imagine if that were to happen to us how miserable we would be. But the Buddha understood that having a body meant, that it would get sick, it was subject to decay, pain....but he was also very wise to know that complaining about it or worrying about it not going to change things other than make yourself and others miserable.

I know we are not as wise and capable as the Buddha, at least I am not. But we can certainly make a stride in the right direction. It's incredible that with each small step that you begin to realise the power and the truth of what he taught 25 centuries ago. But it's not easy. It's an uphill battle. It takes a lot of determination and courage and patience. I have read many management books and self-improvement books and I am sure that most of you have done that as well. Some of you including myself would have made great effort to be the kind of leader described in those books by striving to follow the methods, instructions given.

The path of the Buddha is the same. In fact I have found that it takes even more personal courage and determination because results are slow. You also find that at most times you have no companion on the path and that you are there by yourself and that you have to depend on your own understandings and learn to listen to yourself and keep to the code of ethics laid down by the Buddha. Also you will find that most people are walking in the opposite direction to the path you are taking.

So the chances that you get discouraged are enormous. The chances that you would questions as to why bother or why walk a difficult path all by yourself when all the others are having fun and walking the easy way will swamp your mind. So I would like to end my blog with the following story which I found in Steven Coveys book on "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People". I think the story has the answer to the question why.

"Two battleships assigned to the training squadron had been at sea on maneuvers in heavy weather for several days. I was serving on the lead battleship and was on watch on the bridge as night fell. The visibility was poor with patchy fog, so the captain remained on the bridge keeping an eye on all activities.

Shortly after dark, the lookout on the wing of the bridge reported "Light, bearing on the starboard bow."

"Is is steady or moving astern?" the captain called out.

Lookout replied, "Steady, captain." which meant we were on a collision course with that ship.

The captain then called to the signalman, "Signal that ship: We are on a collision course, advise you change course 20 degrees"

Back came a signal, "Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees"

The captain said, "Send, I'm a captain, change course 20 degrees"

"I'm a seaman second class," came the reply. "You had better change course 20 degrees"

By that time, the captain was furious. He spat out, "Send, I am a battleship. Change course 20 degrees."

Back came the flashing light, "I'm a lighthouse"

We changed course.

Train of Thoughts

I was talking to my mother recently. During our conversation she mentioned that she heard in a story that Venerable Sariputta was able to count the rain drops one by one when it's raining. The moment I heard this I realised that there was something very profound in what he was able to do that we ought to investigate and extract for ourselves. It wasn't figuring out how we can develop the ability to count rain drops but more importantly how we ought to slow our minds down so we can see truth, in its purest form.

You know how it is with our minds....forget about counting rain drops, most times we can't even remember our previous thought. Our minds run around so fast that we can't see what it thinks, until we see the results of our thinking. For example, some of you might have found that you have said or done things which have not worked out well for you...maybe you hurt someone or maybe you blurted out things that you should not have said or done....but you simply didn't know why you did what you did....sometimes someone else has to point it out to you....sometimes you are taken up by surprise that you actually did or said what you did....why is it that we are not aware of what we do and say?!

It is because we are not aware of what we think!

The root of all of our actions and words is the thought. If we didn't think first and foremost, we could not have said or done what we did and said. But surprise..surprise we don't' remember, or we haven't got a clue most of the time. Isn't that why it always becomes the other persons problem.?!!! Anyway, we are not aware of our thoughts because we simply cannot see them...not because they are not there. Its like the muddy waters...when the water is muddy you cannot see what's in the water....just like that our minds are too busy.....busy doing things, living life as we call it, to notice the thoughts that drive it. We pay little attention to the most important ingredient of our lives. Yet we ask, why things go wrong for us? What do you expect?!! If you bake bread without flour, would you be able to eat bread?

In order to notice our thoughts we need to slow the mind first. Our mind is like a train that has left the station and has gathered lots of speed. You can't see the scenery properly because it moves so fast. So to see things, to read the signs properly you need to first slow down the train. In the same way we need to slow the mind down to understand why we do what we do. To slow the mind down, we need to train the mind to slow down. This is typically done in meditation.

Find a comfortable place to sit, close your eyes, stop thinking about the past or the future, focus on your breath and only on your breath. Watch it without commenting but just feeling the breath. Focus only on the feeling and not how you feel or how you ought to feel. If you do this properly, you will notice that you have nothing to think of, nothing to do and that you are only experiencing the breath. For once in your life you would have felt your breath (unless you have had asthma or experienced drowning).

When you develop this long enough you will also learn to notice your thoughts. I am talking about just noticing the thought and not getting carried away with it like we usually do. When you begin to notice your thoughts without any story telling involved, then you begin to see truth. Truth lies in us....unlike how we've learnt to believe that the 'truth is out there'...we begin to see that it's right within us and within our grasp but first we have to slow down.

Hope all of you will give this a try at some point in your life, earlier the better and easier. Remember the train simile......the older and busier your life gets, it become like the train that has gathered lots of speed...it takes time and hard breaking to slow it down. The world will be a wonderful place for each one of us, if each one of us learnt this. Please note that I said the world will be a wonderful place for each one of us, because, the responsibility of making it wonderful lies within you (not in your partner, parents, best friend, your pet or the Buddha) as well as the experience of it.

A Neverending Story

I like watching Grey's Anatomy. It's a weekly drama, quite like ER. In the previous week's episode Callie and Arizona (two doctors who are also dating each other) were patting themselves on their backs for being the stable couple in the hospital. Within minutes of this Callie realised that Arizona doesn't share her dreams of having a large family. Yesterday I was looking ahead at what's next and realised that the two of them will continue to have their differences.

While it made me laugh it also made me realise that for the story to continue there has to be some drama. Don't you find in any sope opera or TV drama no one ever is happy....the moment they think they are happy, a twist of fate happens and all their dreams are shattered giving the viewers some excitement, hopefulness, despair, happiness, sadness or a mixture of all and the producers more juice to build up more story.

More than the realisation of what happens on TV, was what I realised about our lives. Frankly our lives are no more dissimilar to those dramas that are shown on TV. Maybe a little less or more drama in some lives, but drama nevertheless! Why? For just like in TV shows drama is needed for the story to continue, so do we need the dramas of life for our own lives to continue. Our life simply unfolds in a series of events unlike each new episode of a drama.

We have drama in life because we cannot be content. In fact I believe we are scared of contentment! When you are content, there is almost nothing you need to do. Because you are happy with the way things are. But rarely do we find such moment, and unfortunately some people don't even know how to find such moments and those other find such moment only think that things need to change or improve. When one is discontent it brings with it the need to do something to get out of discontentment but no matter you do you are left feeling dissatisfied.

Look at yourself openly and honestly these are some ways we create drama in our lives...

Let's say you get the dream job you want....next minute you will wondering about the long hours you have to put in or the amount of responsibility you have to shoulder or the lack of money to compensate for the amount of work you do....then you have something new to worry and plan about. Let's say your relationship is going along smoothly then you find what is missing in it....it becomes "if we had this we can improve our relationship".....more work, more planning, more things to do....let's say you have a house....well the issue would be it's not as big as your friends or you have to worry about cleaning it regularly....let's you have a child...well it's a boy and not a girl (or vice versa) or you can't save anymore because child care is expensive or it's "Oh my god, I don't have the freedom I used to have anymore"...let's say you go on a vacation...well the room was not big enough, the meals did not have much variety...so the list can go on and on.....

Basically we need some issue, some drama for the next thing to unfold. If in all the above situations we were perfectly content...let's say you got your dream job and you are perfectly, one hundred percent content...what drama is there in it? So you are asked to work long hours and you are happy to put that in because it's your dream job what issues? Let's say your relationship is going smoothly, let it flow smoothly for heaven's sake...why want to add, chop or whatever? Let's say you got the house and if you are content with it, would it make a difference as to what your friends say?

This is the way our mind works. It is the way our ego gets the chance to be asserted. For if our ego is not asserted, we cease to exists. If we are content with whatever that goes on in life, there is very little the ego needs to do or can do. Basically it is in the doing that our ego is asserted. It's our ego (the sense of self) that points out..."hey the friends don't think my house is big enough so I need to have a bigger house". It's the ego that cries "hey I don't want to put long hours because I don't have time for this and that"...it's the ego that thinks "well it's not possible for my relationship to go so smoothly something is missing or something is going on or we can do better"....

So through all that we do in life we try to satisfy our own egos. But the fact that there is no permanent ego. We believe there is one because it feels real...but so do mirages!!! Like everything there is our ego too is subject to change because its impermanent...so if we live our lives trying to satisfy our egos we will live life always moving from one episode to another never having a moments rest...but all the while there is that promise that if you do the next thing you will finally find happiness........it's like the mirage. You run towards the water only to find that the water has once more moved beyond your reach...so you continue to run hoping that with the next few metres you will for sure get the water...but you run until you drop dead.

Why do we do this or most importantly why the hell can't we see what we do? Some people do see it but are unable to resits the thirst....they just cannot help but move through the episodes and dramas of life while knowing that it doesn't make sense. Some people are totally unaware...they are like the deer chasing the mirage with total conviction that if I run the next mile I will get water...and they run until they die (literally).

So the question is who are you and what do you want to be?