Rising and Falling of Mental and Physical Phenomena

I like meditating. It's like an experiment. Only thing is that instead of a lab you are in the meditation hall or your room or where ever and instead of equipment you are using whatever objects that come into your minds eye, be it a physical sensation or a mental object. Also like in an experiment, you put the necessary conditions, ingredients together and wait to see what's going to happen....you don't make the reaction happen...you just wait for it to happen no matter what it is; maybe nothing happens, maybe something happens but whatever it is it contributes to your understanding......this is just like what happens in meditation.

A couple of weeks ago, as I sat in meditation I experienced something fascinating. I have heard of such experiences but never felt it, like I felt it twice in two successive days.

First day, I had finished my meditation and it was a very peaceful sitting. I decided to listen to some deep Dhamma from a recent retreat I attended. Then I felt like meditating again. So I continued sitting for another little while. After finishing...I just lied on the bed and was relaxing because it was still pretty peaceful. I was still watching my mind and movements. I remember very clearly this thought coming into my mind "hungry" along with that I felt the saliva glands in my mouth start watering...they just started pouring out like water from a spring. Then I got excited because I realised that I (or whatever it was) just witnessed the rising and a falling of a phenomena. There was no involvement of "I". It was just a sheer unfolding of things. But I remember a 'watching". A clear "knowing". There was just the "knowing" of the thought arising and ceasing and then the physical movement arsing in the mouth and ceasing of it. Then I got excited. It was just out of this world.

It was so subtle but just wondrous. Just so unintrusive. Just a swift, gentle unfolding of a process. But there was the "knowing".

Then the second day. It was early morning on a Wednesday. I go to work. But I teach at a Church to illiterate women. I go early and go into the chapel and meditate for about 20-30 minutes. It very quiet because at that time there is no one there. So, this day too I had a good meditation. It was very peaceful and quiet (my mind). I decided to just sit with my eyes closed and just watch things as they rise and fall.

Again it happened. But this time it was "open eye' followed by my eyes being opened. It was wonderful. Again there was the "knowing" of the thought "open eyes" almost an "intention"an "impetus" to open eyes. It wasn't a command. It was an "intention'...like a 'push' and then when that fell aside came the physical sensation of the eyes opening. Oh! again I was just "what was that?!" Of course, along with the question, I also knew what it was. I didn't need any verification. I just knew what I experienced what the rising and the falling of phenomena.

It was wonderful. I haven't experienced any since. I don't expect to either. But just those too was for me is enough for the moment to arise such faith and confidence in the Dhamma. I am astounded in the Buddha's teachings all over again. He is just an incredible teacher. After all these years (I mean not just 100 years this is after almost 26 centuries) a disciples of his can still tap into the teaching and still (if they strive and have perhaps also good karma) can feel the Dhamma in its purity. How beautiful!

I just wanted to write the blog. Of course I would never forget this experience. How can I? Such experiences are hard to forget. They are too unique and they bring with them a sense of liberation, a sense of joy that nothing in this world can ever come closer to even bringing....so of course I will not forget....but I am human after all. So, I will write this down.

May I continue to be inspired by the Buddha's teachings as long as I live. My I continue to follow his teachings as long as I live. May I continue with determination and genuine effort practice the Dhamma, for without a day of Dhamma in my life, it will not be lived to it's full potential.

Blessings to all my teachers, my parents and my husband for supporting me as I travel this Noble Eight Fold Path!

What is Craving?

The Buddha said that Craving is the Second Noble Truth. It is the cause of all of our Suffering (Dukka). Craving is also known as Desire or wanting. As the Buddha pointed out there are two extremes to avoid: the one end of that continuum is self-indulgence and the other end is self-mortification. So, in craving or wanting one end of wanting is getting want you want (equivalent to self-indulgence) the other end is not getting what you want or rejecting everything (equivalent to self-mortification). At least this is my understanding of craving.

So we need to avoid both wanting and not wanting in order to let go of craving. What a powerful understanding!

I have been meditating for quite sometime now and have known this to be true. But only a few days ago did I see this within me with such power. I felt almost paralysed. I felt fear. How can I ever let go of something so powerful, I wondered. I have done all this work, to come back to the very root all over...I felt disheartened...but after some contemplation, I felt much relief. I felt that the road has been made clear for me. At least I know the way. It`s OK. Even if I come back to it a million times, I am coming back to a Noble Truth. It needs be seen again and again until I cannot see it no more. That`s what the Buddha said.

So I feel relief and I feel renewed in my efforts to walk the path with vigor. The work that needs to be done is much.

The more I see craving of wanting and not wanting, I learn to make peace with it, I learn to let go my craving. Even if that craving is for one little thing, even if that craving is for one moment in time. Ajahn Brahm, in his meditation retreat gave the most wonderful piece of advice, which I have taken in both my hands and put in front of my minds eye to see every moment of my day and that is `to make peace, be kind, be gentle and be patient`. I have found that to be an excellent antidote for craving and letting go of craving.

Of course, I will not pretend to say that I can do it all the time. There are many many moment that even when I remember his words so clearly that I am unable to do anything about it. Power of craving is such that you get swept away by it so fast that you are left helpless and it`s mercy as if a tsunami has hit you. But on occasions and they have increased over the last three years, I have been able to use those words to my benefits. To find peace, to put my mind at ease.

Sometimes, I do believe that when that very moment when the burning of craving stops and that feeling of relief and peace settles, I truly believe that in that there is that essence of Nibbana there. Even if it is a moment, a rarest of glimpse, a faint light at the end of the tunnel, I firmly believe that is what NIbbana must taste like. Like stepping into the fall air, crisp and full; feeling of total peace and relief. Like a workload being put down.

It`s an alluring feeling. You want to feel it over and over again because it`s such a relief like nothing has ever given you. Makes one appreciate the Buddha for what he has done and given to the world.

But despite all that, craving rises again. Its tentacles firmly gripping you in its power. I am amazed at it. We have no choice, almost. To some degree I have some to have a lot of compassion for people and less judgmental of those who are around me. I used to be very judgmental. I always thought I was better and that if I put my mind to it, I could rise above things and be better. I always wondered why other could not do that. But now I see that I am no better than others. That we are all just trapped (I mean not entirely) but quite a bit. It`s difficult. It`s not easy to establish mindfulness. It`s not easy to show loving-kindness, compassion etc. They are difficult to come by (I am talking about myself). So how can I judge another for their lack of it when I myself am struggling.

Craving is powerful. We don`t know this. Not knowing it makes it even worse. It`s like having a cancer and not knowing we have a cancer. Basically we will not treat it so it will continue to grow and we will suffer and suffer and we will in the end die of it. Craving is the same. If we don`t see it, it will consume us, it will make us suffer....oh it will not kill us, it will make us live longer and longer in samsara and suffer and suffer and there will be no end to it. At least with cancer there will be death but with Craving no such luck.

So let us work to let go of craving and find peace in our hearts forever!

With metta

The Old Faithful

My husband and I recently visited the Yellowstone National Park. It's famous for it's Geysers, hot springs and mud pots. The Old Faithful is its most famous geyser. A geyser is a hot spring that shoots up water because the rock bed the water is held is highly pressurised. But for me the Old Faithful held something more meaningful. The old faithful shoots up only at particular times of the day. When it shoots up, it stays for a while and then it dies down. It will flare again after many many hours when the rock bed pressurises for the water to shoot up again. It's inspiring and fascinating.

The Old faithful reminded me of the Dhamma and the rising and ceasing of our thoughts.

For me the shooting up of the Old Faithful was similar to how our thoughts appear and disappear in our minds. Though to us, seem so solid and so united...they are not. They are all stringed together like beads on a necklace. So close are they, that they give the illusion of solidity. Each thought appears and stays on for a while and disappears and then the the other appears. Just like the old faithful appearing and disappearing.

But it is so hard for us to notice it. Even if we know it, even if we notice the appearance of a thought, its; very hard to stay with it. Because they move so fast. Our lives move at such a fast pace that to notice the movement of our mind and the thoughts in it take extraordinary slowing down. That's what's achieved in meditation.

Focusing on the breath helps us to slow things down. We focus all of our attention on the breath, leaving the rest of the world outside. As we focus on the breath, which we hardly notice, in our day to day life, we learn to quieten our minds down. With that the mind quietens and slows down. This is why when most people, as they start to, meditate they get bombarded with thoughts. It's not that they did not have thoughts before. Its' just that for once, they are quiet enough to notice the thoughts. Anyway, with the breath slowing down, our thoughts slow down. Gradually and eventually we totally get absorbed so that when we come out of our meditation, we have slowed down so much that we are able to noticed the world in a totally different way.

The old faithful reminded me of the rising and the ceasing of the thoughts and with that everything as we know. It's a wonderful phenomena. The experience is hard to stick, no matter how much you notice it. I do find it hard when the going get tough at times. It takes much mindfulness to bring to focus all the experiences and keep the mind in balance. But when the mind is brought to balance, there is incredible sense of peace and happiness. You know in typical life, all we try to do, is justify, prove "I am right and you are wrong" or even to say something back to put the other person in order that others don't walk all over you is an 'EGO' assertion. But if I am able to bring a moment of mindfulness in the midst of all that chaos and know that it's all an ego battle and that there is no need for any of that "for this person called "me"' in that moment I find that peace. I believe, this is essence the peace one aims to find once and for all in Nibbana.

Watching the Old Faithful inspires you, because it's a natuaral wonder. It's a sight to behold.

So is Dhamma. Practice of Dhamma is inspiring but it is also very difficult. I find that much energy is required for the effort. I have done much in my life but nothing has asked so much of me like the practice of Dhamma. But at the same time, I have never felt like giving all of me, like I do for the practice of Dhamma. There is an intrinsic motivation and a sense of gratification that arises out of the practice of Dhamma that is so hard to explain. I am a person who gets bored with things easily. I need to be challenged constantly and my mind needs to be challenged and a sense of curiosity has to be aroused often in order to continue with whatever I do. Time and time again, in almost everything I have done in my life, I have found boredom, lack of inspiration but I feel Dhamma still has not failed to inspire me, it still has not failed to arouse my sense of curiosity. I am amazed and at the same time I am inspired.

Just like the old faithful, the Dhamma has remained an "Old Faithful' right by my side. May it continue to inspire me for all of my life and throughout my Samsara!

Meditation not a quick fix

Yesterday I met a very interesting old lady. Her husband had died two years ago and she is now living on her own. She told me that she missed him dearly. They had been married for 54 years before he had died. Now that he is gone, she feels empty. She said she cannot sleep at night anymore. She is on pills she said. But nothing works. Despite being involved in church and many other volunteer services, having friends and family she is having trouble getting to sleep. She feels as if everything starts to churn in her mind when she tries to sleep in the night.

She was asking me about meditation. She had heard that meditation is a good 'cure' for these kinds of problems, she said. So, she wanted to talk to me about meditation. After having talked to her I suggested that before she started meditation that she would benefit by looking at other alternatives to get her mind settled.

But my point is this.....'meditation' is becoming another 'fad'! It's becoming like something one can buy off the pharmacy for a cold, a cough and everything else. It is NOT!

Meditation, as I have known and as I have been taught by my teachers (Buddhist monks and nuns) is a way of life. It's not a "quick fix" or a "solution" to overcome personal problems, marriage problems, sicknesses or even to run away from lay life into solitude. Meditation is a life time commitment, that one has to undertake with great pure intention, with a big heart to give unstintigly to a process that would take years if not lifetimes perhaps to open up. One needs to be a silent and patient observer in that process. Fruits of that process, may or may not appear; you may or may not taste that fruit, it may be sweet or it may be sour, but through it all one needs to persevere. That is meditation. Meditation is a giving; not a taking.

So, please for those who want to meditate, don't look for shortcuts, take the long ardous path.

In this modern world we are so programmed to look for shortcuts. The quick fixes, the fast ways, the fast foods. But spiritual path, truth cannot be made to come to you fast. In fact, the harder you try the slower you go in the spiritual path. That's just the way of truth. But when you give yourself, diligently, without asking for much the path opens up easily. That's the nature of truth. It doesn't try to show off to you. When you give yourself to it, without hanky panky, it naturally comes to you.

It is unfortunate some people nowadays try to meditate looking, of course for relief. I cannot blame them. I can only feel compassion for the pain and suffering they have to go through. But if one meditates looking only for relief, then it`s not a good approach to meditation. Meditation is only one step in the Noble Eight Fold Path. There are seven other steps in it. They must all be cultivated togethether. Not just one in isolation will reap in peace or happiness. Of course, if one through meditation realises, jhanas or truth or come to have insights then that can lead one to make changes in ones life so that one walks the eight fold path in its entirety. But if jhanas don`t come, or insights don`t come, then one will be like an empty vessle.

So, it`s wise to practice meditation understanding the path taught by the BUddha. Not as a quick fix or to seek some quick relief. Nibbana cannot be found only in meditation. Nibbana, can arise in a mind that has been tamed in sila, cultivated in meditation that would then open itself up to wisdom like a flower that blossoms in its own good time. Like a ripened fruit, that falls from a tree. It happens!

Play of energies

Recently I was talking about about positive and negative energies and how those who are in lower realms have negative or low energies and those in higher realms have positive or high energies. So I thought of writing a blog, so I will not forget.

Unlike our bodies which are made out of physical elements, our minds are pure energies which change from moment to moment. Thoughts, I believe, are nothing but mere play of energies. Each thought carries with it a unique signature of energy which moves in the continuum of positive to negative energy with some lying in neutral. Energies, according to physics don't just die or disappear. So, whatever we think, create energies that carry from one moment to another, from one life to another and so on and on...

These energies depending on their strength and where they lie in the continuum, can be very strong or may not have any strength at all. Someone who kills his or her mother or father creates extremely negative energies which are very strong but are also very negative. But someone who attains arahantship creates also creates very strong energies but they are very positive. So they each carry with them their own results.

But of course it's only a play of energies. As the Buddha once said, "there is no one doing the deed and no one reaping the result". It's only the energies and movement of it from one moment to another. But for some reason, they require and existence and a physical body. I believe, this body part comes as a result of the ignorance. So, ignorance creates the physical appearance which feeds into the delusion and further makes one feels there is a doer and a feeler in the process.

In particular I was interested why Buddha so stressed the importance of good friends in travelling the path. I was also considering it in terms of energies. Of course while it is purely hypothetical, and while Buddha discouraged any kind of unnecessary speculations, I could not help wondering whether the play of energies also had something to do with it

Think about it. Energy is very powerful. We are drawn to strong energies. Sometime we are drawn to strong energies even if they are harmful to us. So, a friend who is not a "Kalyana Mitta" has negative energies, that may draw us in the wrong direction. If our energy is not strong enough, perhaps we may get carried away in the wrong direction. Or if we have negative energy that unites with the negative energies with another person that perhaps might a union with is not very beneficial.

In the same fashion, a "Kalyana Mitta' might pull us in the right direction. They might elevate us to a level that may have not been possible, had we been by ourselves. The Buddha, for those who met and learnt from HIM, was their biggest "Kalyana Mitta". The Buddha had enormous positive energy that could pull people out of depth of misery (of course not everyone)...but he had that ability. There could be hundreds of people who may walk the earth right this moment, who may benefit in the same fashion, if a Buddha had been born to this earth right now!

Anyway, my point is that I think we are beings of energies. I mean thoughts are what we create....who knows what thought exist in whose mind....a "thought" is also a concept we have created....but if we drop the concept....the thought is created as a movement in our mind....that movement disturbs something...and that creates something....what we call a thought is a moment of reaction in the universe...when two things collide in physics what comes out is "energy". So I believe, our thoughts are energies and as a result so are we (I mean in a conceptual sort of way).

Nice point to contemplate on isn't it...energies at play!

Generosity Explored

Generosity for us Buddhist is a term that is almost second nature to us. But in this blog I would like to take it to a deeper level. Sometimes I think we don't appreciate, at least as lay people, the depth of generosity Buddha spoke of. Over the past year and a half I have come to appreciate generosity at a deeper level: that does not mean that I am able to practice it at the same level but I appreciate it to the level generosity can be taken and can be developed. That is what I am going to write in my blog today.

So what is generosity? Well usually what we know of generosity to be of is, giving things to others. Be it food, clothes, money, offerings to the temple, donations, gifts to our loved ones and also to those who are less fortunate. When you go a little deeper than that comes giving our time, effort to someone or something without expectations or getting paid for what you do i.e. volunteering your time and effort to charity or Rotary, UN or the temple. Usually that is the level of generosity that people typically practice. I am talking at a very general level. But this is mostly what people call as being "Generous".

But Buddha takes generosity to a totally different level. This is where he starts teaching us how to move our minds from a mundane level to a super mundane level. Entire Buddhist Philosophy rests on the foundation of generosity. It is the concrete on which everything else is built upon....without teaching yourself to practice genuine generosity you cannot expect to march on in the Noble Eightfold Path because the Path requires enormous acts of generosity.

So Buddha started with little things first. Give food, clothes, money etc to whomever, whenever, because that is the first step. Then he said to keep the precepts. Did you think that keeping precepts were acts of generosity?! Well they are. Think about it. When you undertake the precepts to NOT to kill, you give another being the gift of life. When you undertake the precept to NOT to lie, you give another being the gift of truth. When you undertake the precept to NOT to commit adultery you give security and trust to another being, when you undertake the precept to NOT to steal you commit to protect what belongs to someone else and when you undertake the precept to NOT to get intoxicated you give another being the security of mindfulness and protection from breaking all the other precepts. So, here you put in the first efforts to firming that foundation of generosity.

Then comes the generosity of the heart! This is enormous. I mean until you become an arahant one continues to develop generosity of the heart. The development of the quality ends with the total extinguishing of the ego. For with any ounce of ego, there cannot be total generosity. In the same way, every act of generosity no matter how small it maybe, chips away at the ego.

So what is generosity of the heart? This is very hard to develop and few ever think of it. Even if they think of it, ever undertake it because it is hard to do. Easiest ways to develop generosity of the heart is to develop loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity (of course it's easier said than done) but we must try.

Simple things like forgiveness, letting-go of grudges, being able to deal with your angry feelings, feelings of frustration will be a good start. Sometimes, the pit fall of developing these qualities is that we think there is a goal to be reached. NO...there is NO goal to be reached. Only the journey to be savoured. If you make a mess out of the journey then you know for sure you will not enjoy the goal whatever that goal maybe. So in the name of being a person who is full of metta if all you can be is get everyone out of your way so you can have a peaceful life and a meditation then you are NOT travelling the Buddha's path, for sure! If all you do day and night is chant the metta sutta with diligence and you know all the words by heart and meanings and all of it but when the conditions are not right, you tend to get frustrated then you have lost the meaning of it somewhere. So please attend to yourself diligently!

Beyond the four sublime qualities, meditation IS the way to develop generosity in the heart. HOW? WHY? Even I used to ask they question. Even I struggle with that kind of giving where you have to give yourself totally. It's almost like there is nothing to hold on to except the teachings and your confidence in it. So you have to open your heart a lot. You cannot force it. It's like a flower. You cannot make a flower blossom. Just like that you cannot make generosity blossom in your heart. You have to give the right conditions, water, sun light, soil whatever it maybe, keep putting the conditions in so that the flower of generosity may unfold gradually, someday. But meditation requires a lot of generosity of the heart (after sila has been fulfilled of course..please note that one cannot expect to meditate with a soiled mind....words and actions needs to be purified before the mind purification starts and they all work hand in hand and one supports or hinders the progress of the other).

The other thing (of course digressing here) everything from our small days, we learn as lists. We learn the four noble truths as 1,2,3,4 and then the noble eightfold path 1,2,3...8 and so on and on and on.....numerous lists but only a few years ago it dawned on me that all what the Buddha taught it so interlinked that they don't go from one to the other to the next. They go like in circles and that it probably why it's called the turning the wheel of dhamma....they are tightly interlinked that we cannot separate one from other other. We cannot take what we like and practice just that just because we like it and not practice the other...you know some people say have just an odd drink...glass of wine is OK..it's really not drinking??!!!! So like that people tend to make exceptions to suite there likes and dislikes. But Buddha's teachings don't work like that. That's where generosity comes to play.

You have to give yourself to it completely. You cannot take bits and pieces just because you like it and exclude what you dislike. If you do, you cannot receive the Dhamma in it's totality either. I mean when you are sick and when the doctor prescribe medication to you, do you take the ones you like only?! And if you do can you expect a full recovery?!

Anyway, generosity at it's deepest level requires your whole body and mind. You need to give up both in order to experience Nibbana. But that's a long way away. In the meantime we have to savour the journey one step at a time.

If you are not a generous person (be honest for goodness sake, there is nothing wrong with it) try starting from giving little things away. Maybe your old clothes that have been hanging in the closet for many years. I know people who have had clothes they have not worn for 20 years and they still have them. Please give them away. Also examine why you cling to these. People do these things out of habit. They just like to see many things. Have many things. Have "Just In Case" things. Look at yourself. DON'T look at the other person...look at yourself. Try giving a little bit of your money away as well to charity.

If you have gotten past the first stage, then start practicing the precepts. Also be mindful. Know when you do these things. Don't just do these things just like when you brush your teeth in the morning. The Buddha said you have to have the Right Intention. Even if you do good deeds, you will not reap the full benefits or the full force unless you put intention behind it. Put your mind behind your good deeds and intend them.

If you already keep the precepts, then practice generosity of the heart. The beauty of the Dhamma is that the more you practice the more it will open doors for you to practice the Dhamma. As crazy as it may sound, it does and I believe it to be true with all of my heart. It's a silent force. Unfortunately, we are so in tuned with all the sounds in the world and the noises of our voices to hear the sound of Dhamma.

I have written a lot. I will stop with something I recently told my husband. It was on Nibbana. I think to experience Nibbana one must have an enormously large heart filled with generosity. Only then can Nibbana enter it. Because Nibbana is all encompassing. A small, shrivelled up heart, filled with greed, hatred, desire doesn't have the capacity to hold up something as big as Nibbana.

May your hearts experience the bliss of Nibbana!

Seeing things as they truly are

I never quite understood what it meant to see things as they were until about a week ago. It was a beautiful revelation. A quite humbling experience for someone who thought knew quite a lot about things and understood quite a lot. It also made me realise that life is never what it presents itself to be as. Beyond the endless complexities and apparent turbulences there is a simplicity to it that we need to open up ourselves to and completely surrender to. Then Truth appears like the Sun that's been covered up by dark stormy clouds!

You know when the Buddha taught breath meditation, he taught to watch the breath and know the breath and its characteristics. I finally realised that SEEING the breath for what it is, NOT saying to myself "Oh this is a long breath" or "Oh this is a short breath" or saying "This is a hard breath", "This is a soft breath", "This breath is fluttering", or whatever the breath is or is not....is where we learn for the first time to see things as they truly are. I had never felt more joy than the moment I realised this.

You know how in life, when we see, hear, taste, touch, smell it is always followed by a story in our head. We always have something to say about it. If it is something we saw, "Oh it's ugly" or "I like it" or "I just don't care much about it"....and so it goes on for all other sense experiences. But hardly do we experience things or see things for what they are without a story or a commentary in our heads. Think about it for yourself. Even when you meditate isn't it why you find it so hard to meditate? Because there is this voice inside your head that gets you to go the kitchen and think of what food to cook for dinner, or say 'Oh the body is not comfortable" or it's too hot" or whatever it maybe....there is always a story related to a sense contact or a story related to future or past, isn't it?!

When that happens we can never experience anything for what it is. Of course that is why we cannot keep our attention on the breath. Because there are too many other things.

But let's say it's the breath. Then we have to tell stories about the breath as well. When we finally shut down that chatter in the head/in our minds only can we experience and see things for what they truly are. Then the pure experience of things happen...just like the Buddha said. At that moment, even if it is for a moment, the mind has let go of hindrances and you see the breath for what it is and it is a beautiful thing. Or if it is not the breath, if it is the pain in your leg, you see the sensations travelling, arising and ceasing instead of as a PAIN that you want to get rid of!!

I also realised how breath meditation leads and supports Vipassana meditation. When you learn to see the breath for what it is and when you learn to sustain that attention long enough, you can then channel that awareness to mind objects as they arise and cease. You can see the mind objects one by one in its purest form as they arise in consciousness without the presence of hindrances but also not going or coming out of deep states of Jhana. But still it requires deep continuous concentration on a string of objects one after the other unlike in Jhana where concentration is only on one object.

What a beautiful thing. Buddha truly was a scientist of the mind!

Anyway, this was what I realised about a week ago. It refuelled my practice in a way nothing had ever done before. It was almost like doing an experiment and seeing that the method does work. I realised that Buddha's method does work. It does open up the path the way he said it would (I mean I don't know much but I saw just a speck of light in a far distance which appeared and disappeared but that was good enough). So it makes me want to try harder now with renewed vigor.