About 3 weeks ago a gunman shot into a crowd of 22,000 concert goers in Vegas and killed 58 and injured over 500 others. The gunman killed himself. They still don't know the motive and it was the deadliest mass shooting in the history of the US. I see people call the shooter, evil and mentally ill and all sorts of names. It made me contemplate on what makes us evil and what makes us good. Are some born bad? Are others born good? Or are we creatures of circumstances and environment and upbringing? Or a bit of everything?
I consider myself to be a good person. Not just because I think so. But because of the principles and values I have based my life on. I am a practicing Buddhist. I keep my precepts, I do charity work, I try to make my thoughts wholesome and good as much as possible, I meditate. So I think I am a good human being, cause I am actively trying to align myself with what is good. But even with all that, I know I get angry, I have grudges, I get jealous, afraid, miserable, sad, mad and all the negative emotions I can think of or feel. I think we all feel these emotions good and bad from time to time. Some of them are habitual and some are aroused through external and internal events. But if anyone of us were to say we don't feel these emotions, I think we might be lying to ourselves.
So what differentiates us from someone who goes crazy and kill and harm others? There are plenty of examples in this world today; from suicide bombers to random shooters to name its all there. But I wanted to find out whether we are so very different from one another in terms of capacity and thought, from those do harm and those who don't. So I meditated and contemplated on this.
Part of me see it being different and part of me doesn't. Let me first explain the part of me that does not see a difference.
Well I see myself get angry, sometimes to the point of wanting to punch someone in the face, or wish ill fate on them....now that doesn't mean I carry it out. My precepts and my understanding of Kamma makes sure that I don't actually verbally or physically carry these thoughts out. The worst might be that I shout at someone but even that is very rare for me. But I have these negative, insane thoughts of wanting to cause harm and pain. Now for those who are reading me right now and judging me, I ask that you honestly look at yourself and tell me that you haven't felt the need to punch someone in the face or yell dirty words, because they cut you off in traffic, or called you names, betrayed you, cheated you, stole from you or hurt you or/and your loved ones. Maybe you even wished they were dead. Well this is where I see no difference. Our thoughts could have similar traces of anger, hatred and resentment and a need for revenge. Indulge me here. I am only saying that the thought could be similar. Perhaps the intensity might be less but the thought is there.
Then there is the difference.
I see the difference in terms of our push to actually want to carry out the thought. As I said before, I think nasty things but I don't do them. In fact some of the nastiest things I have thought in my head have stayed only as thoughts. Thank goodness! But it is not the same for some of us. We carry out what we think. Our thoughts become our actions and words. We get cut off in traffic and we get angry and we want to get back at them, perhaps we might show the finger, or roll the window and curse or we might speed up and cut them in the traffic as a way to show them. Some might want to say denigrating words to another and actually say it out loud causing hurt and embarrassment. So what make one simply not carry out their thoughts and another carry them out fully?
I think evil and goodness lie in each one of us. The fact that we might want to deny it would not be in our best interest. We ought to accept it and not hide it, especially in ourselves. It's easier to look at the guy next door and call him a bully when not see your own need to dominate others. It may not be as evident as that of the guy next door but it is there nevertheless. It's easier to call someone whole killed a human as evil when in our mind we wish our enemies dead. Yes, we haven't actually done the killing but there is that impetus. I think it would be best if we were less judgmental on one another. Perhaps that would lead to better understanding and healing.
So when I look at the difference between someone doing something bad and someone only thinking about it, I feel it's our own intuitive feel and empathy for others. If we truly can empathize then it's not possible to do harmful things to begin with and with deepening that understanding can lead to creating a path to letting the thoughts go as well.
Anyway, I want you to think and feel for yourselves about these issues. I do. So much negativity is happening in the world. So much negativity is fuelled by what's happening in the world. It's easier for us to get angry, resentful or even find a just cause to fight against. But I am not sure of any of these things. I am believer of standing for what is right and wrong but it cannot and should not be done out of dislike for the other or the group or the action. It cannot make us so judgmental as to think we are the ones better and for some reasons others have to be made to understand and educate. Perhaps there is that element but we cannot be motivated by that. In many ways we become like party we are trying to condemn when our intentions are to teach, make understand, punish, win etc.
There has to be a place in our hearts to inquire into why we do what we do. The biggest fight we fight is within ourselves. The good and the bad in ourselves. So we must be kind. Not just within but outside. So through inquiry we must continuously allow our intentions to soften until they only represent love and kindness and compassion, generosity. Then I believe our actions and words will transform itself to reflect that goodness. I firmly feel this is how we can help the world we live in. Within the families we live. We have to create that harmonious space within us and around us. That is what will create happiness and peace. Just intending to change, because that's what we feel, itself isn't good enough. All change has to come through kindness and gentleness which I feel is the essence of healing and harmony and peace.
So when I look at the difference between someone doing something bad and someone only thinking about it, I feel it's our own intuitive feel and empathy for others. If we truly can empathize then it's not possible to do harmful things to begin with and with deepening that understanding can lead to creating a path to letting the thoughts go as well.
Anyway, I want you to think and feel for yourselves about these issues. I do. So much negativity is happening in the world. So much negativity is fuelled by what's happening in the world. It's easier for us to get angry, resentful or even find a just cause to fight against. But I am not sure of any of these things. I am believer of standing for what is right and wrong but it cannot and should not be done out of dislike for the other or the group or the action. It cannot make us so judgmental as to think we are the ones better and for some reasons others have to be made to understand and educate. Perhaps there is that element but we cannot be motivated by that. In many ways we become like party we are trying to condemn when our intentions are to teach, make understand, punish, win etc.
There has to be a place in our hearts to inquire into why we do what we do. The biggest fight we fight is within ourselves. The good and the bad in ourselves. So we must be kind. Not just within but outside. So through inquiry we must continuously allow our intentions to soften until they only represent love and kindness and compassion, generosity. Then I believe our actions and words will transform itself to reflect that goodness. I firmly feel this is how we can help the world we live in. Within the families we live. We have to create that harmonious space within us and around us. That is what will create happiness and peace. Just intending to change, because that's what we feel, itself isn't good enough. All change has to come through kindness and gentleness which I feel is the essence of healing and harmony and peace.
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