It's an old saying. I have heard it many a times and the story behind it. I am not going to relate the story here in the blog. But instead I am going to use my own experiences from my emotional world to illustrated how I have come to understand the meaning behind it. It's a powerful tool of letting go. It is also a core teaching of the Buddha. We call is "Anicca"....changing nature of things, physical and mental.
I am not a person to whom letting go comes easily. I tend to hang on to things. Especially the negative things. I am now referring to the emotional world. Anger, hatred are two things that I love to dwell on and relish. I don't know why. I think it's a habit pattern. But this is what I love to do. Don't get me wrong I love good things but there is a part of me that takes this slippery road over and over again.
It hurt me for many years. But at the begging it felt electrifying. I was energized by the power of anger and hatred. It felt good to hang on to it. Fortunately for me it lasted long enough to really hurt me. I say 'fortunately' because it is the very thing that taught me to embrace letting go. Because at first I had to. I was hurting too much to hold on to it anymore without being totally consumed by it. And somewhere inside me I didn't want to be consumed. Even though letting go was hard, being consumed by the power of anger felt far worse. Fundamentally I felt I was turning to the dark side and I was scared of it. I need to feel the light so I had to let go.
I kept doing this even when I didn't want to, even parts of me felt like I was breaking apart. For some reason, even though I felt like I was coming apart in letting go, once I fully did let go, the feeling I felt was incredible. It felt free, light and bright. MY heart was at peace. That feeling of goodness became more and more powerful inside me that it's hard to hold on to bad much longer anymore. I still don't feel like I have crossed that threshold (whatever that it is) but I now i will get there where there will be that turning point.
So what is it that I do? To me that's most important. IF someone says something is good then I want to know how to do it. Over the years these have been my experiences.
So at first, it was sheer determination because I believed in the Dhamma and my wonderful teachers. I was lucky that I was able to associate wise people like Ajhan Vayama and Ajahn Brahm and hear direct teachings from them. I also read teachings from wise monks like Ajahn Chah and Ayya Khema. What they said felt right and good and powerful. So in the midst of my despair I decided to listen to them and do exactly what they said I ought to do. I must say it wasn't easy. I was also not able to do many of the things they said. But I learnt to forgive myself, allow myself time and space. I learnt to allow myself to make mistakes and not make me perfect and the things I did perfect to meet any standards, especially my own. This freed me. It gave my the space to change and mold myself gradually over time. I think that was the most important lessons I learned.
In that I didn't have to be frustrated by being negative or angry or having hateful thoughts. I didn't have to forget them. I didn't have to punish myself for having bad thoughts. I learn to embrace that part of me which I think I didn't like. I learnt to like it and love it. In some ways it was a like misbehaving child. Sometimes being kind to them makes more difference than punishing them right? Punishment might make them do things while you are there but what about when you are not? They may also learn to hide and lie. I don't think any parent want that for their child. So I didn't want it inside me.
As this was happening, it got easier for me within myself. I wasn't scared or ashamed of my own thoughts. As I learnt to watch them, become familiar with them, they started having a less of a control on me. I saw that they didn't last as long. It all came and went away at some point. I wasn't worried about timelines. I just knew at some point they will go away and that make me feel good and put me at ease. It's was that feeling that I started grabbing hold of more and more as time went by. I think I started putting more emphasis on the good that the bad started losing it's control (at least the death grip it had on me).
So when I hear this too shall pass, it makes me happy. Cause I know I will be happier with time. It's like a storm. You cannot make the storm go away but you can take shelter and wait for it to pass.
Now I do the same with the good. It's easy now for me to hold on to the goodness. It's going to pass at some point or another.
I think nowadays I am like a seesaw. I can see myself going up and down so many times in a matter of hours. Not even days. Go from high to low. Low to high and back again. It incredible. You might think that sounds crazy but I think not knowing it is far crazier. So it's a saying that I hold dear to my heart. It also makes my life easier. I don't feel like I have to take things so seriously all the time. I feel like I can let things be and not have to control them all the time. Cause things have a way of coming and disappearing. I don't have to take action all the time. It makes life easier and brings a sense of peace to me.
I hope it does to you as well.
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