If nothing else the events of the last few weeks have taught me how different we all are, even if we belong to the same family and same mother and father. While its sad on the one hand, it is also liberating. Liberating to know that genes can dictate limited amount in our lives and just because we belong to a certain kind or type of family we don't always turn out to be like that.
I have wondered about this for a while now, because of my own experiences and experiences of those I associate closely. I suppose in some ways we create our own lives. Even though my husband and I live in the same house and shared a life together for almost 2 decades doesn't make us any similar or make us look at the same thing in the same way. You'd in some ways expect some similarity but not always. Its the same with my siblings and my parents. After all our parents raised us and for almost 2 decades we lived in the same house, ate the same food, associated more or less the same people and some ways influenced by similar things. You'd think. But not so.
The more I investigate it the more I feel it's not what we experience that make us different from one another, it is in how we experience it. Growing up I was a child mostly to myself. While I had challenging times in my early childhood and teenage years I never felt out of control. I almost never felt a need to please others even my parents. I was called stuborn and selfish for it. I don't think that made a dent in my sense of self worth. But on the other hand my sister was quite the opposite. While I retreated to myself my sistser was someone who loved the limelight. In her younger years she shined in drama and all the sports and stuff and was celebrated for it. I don't remember wanting the same. I was happy to be me. Stuck in a book, school or story.
My brother was 11 years younger to me. So by the time he was in his early years I was leaving high school an on to university. While I remember working with him on art and creative stuff, I don't remember hanging out like I did with my sister.
But we have all turned out so very different. I suppose there is good in that. If we all thought the same way perhaps we will not be able to look for better ways of doing things, new perspectives on stuff. But they are also the reasons why we clash. That's what has happened for the most part over the last few weeks. If after all is said and done my dad comes out the winner then so be it. I can make peace with that. But I feel like have learnt for myself a valuable lesson. That is just because we are siblings doesn't mean we think and feel the same.
Each of us despite similiarity in our experiences will see and feel about it very differently. I wonder what leads to this? Is it our personality? Is it our education? Is it those we associate, countries we live in....what is it? Or is it simply karma. Or is it a mixture of all these things.
Perhaps it's a mixture. I mean we are creatures of change. Whether we want to or not life itself changes us. The things that get on our plate sometimes are so unexpected that we have no choice but to deal with them. IN dealing with them we change the course of our lives, direction and flavor both. I feel that way about me and my siblings.
We are different beings in every possible way. Despite belonging to the same set of parents we are very different in who we are and how we deal with things. Perhaps there are traces of behaviours that run a thread. My husband says there are. That looking at the three of us and how we deal with things show a common thread...isn't that interesting?! I agree with him to some degree. So then there are things that we carry in the same way despite our differences?!
It's been interesting. While events of the last few weeks have left me tears from time to time, it 's also been a time for reflection. This is one of those reflections. How different we are and yet in some ways so similar.
Either way, I think it's best to have space to see and think for myself. While family is important I'm beginning to realise that along with that importance can come a lot of heartache. So over the last few weeks I've reflected on what makes these relationships so hard and dynamic. While it's nice to have people to hang out with, share a past and history with, it brings with many ups and downs, pleasure and displeasures, happinesses and unhappinesses. To me the ups and downs of life, while they are there for sure, don't have to be taken in the sameway. I'm looking for ways to reduce the impact it can have on my peace of mind. While I know I will not be removed from these life dynamics, I can find a better and a more constructive way of facing them. Perhaps with more balance in my heart and mind. I am investigating them now. So most of the events of the past few weeks are making me look for new ways for myself to exist.
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